Names

[October]

Hi Cathy!  

I am so glad you shared your feelings, but at the same time sorry that you felt invisible.  I am always very moved and inspired by your posts.  Several of mine have gone off topic at times...I think we all just get caught up in the moment sometimes.  I want to continue to hear your voice - it is a strong, educated, encouraging voice and one that I always look for in my visits to the board.  

Big supportive hugs to you.  

Want to share more about feeling invisible?  If so, I'm here.  If not, that's ok too.  

Your cyber-friend,
Michelle

Hiya Michelle

My mum uses the wrong word for lots of things.  Like when my daughter was small and took a bottle, and mum always called it a 'pipe'.  God knows where she got that from, but I said, don't confuse her, call it a bottle, like everyone else.

As far as I can see, she uses the wrong word with little children so that she can see when they are copying her and using her word, and then she laughs at them, and calls them queer (Yorkshire talk for strange or unusual, especially icw children - nothing to do with gay)  It is a kind of power trip for her not to use the same (correct) word as everyone else but to have her own kind of superior language forms.

However, my background is in linguistics, so I don't let her get away with it.  Which is why she finds me difficult to deal with.     I ask her why she uses particular words, and whether they are Yorkshire dialect (often they are not, they are just her own invention).

I think if Ns could get away with it, they would have a whole different language from the rest of us.  As it is, they share very few meanings in common, so they may as well be aliens with a translation device.  The words almost sound right, but none of the meanings are there.

Seeing my t today.  Always makes me jittery.  Thanks for being there.

(((((Hugs))))))

C

[flower]

Hi October,

     ------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

[Glennis]

Flower and October,

I'm also on the West Coast of the US. I love the access to all the different areas... I'm in a valley between the ocean and the mountains. Beautiful, if I must say so.

My n-mother has an odd speech pattern. She strings her words together with a lot of nonsensical syllables when she can't quite think of what she wants to say. It's almost like she's trying desperately to keep one's attention. A family friend once said she's the only woman he knows who can talk on the intake.

Her speech is most clear when she's doing her "interrogation thing." Questions are rapid-fire, and she IS trying to catch one in a lie. I once told her she doesn't have to know everything. She replied she DOES have to know everything. She didn't even realize how stupid she was sounding.

[flower]

------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

[October]

Sounds like this is a great new thread in the making; games Ns play.  We could bring out a compendium for the Christmas market!!  LOL!!

Speaking of which, my Nmum loves crosswords and quizzes on telly.  She loves saying the answers before the contestants, but with a tone of voice which really makes clear that they are stupid not to know the answer, or not to be as quick as her.  And she writes it all down and keeps it.  She is a compulsive hoarder of just about everything.  Very unhappy woman, really.

I went round the other day and she 'mentioned in passing' hanging out the washing at 4am.  I took no notice, because - well you know.  

And yesterday I had to get my brother's wallet from their house (he had gone into town without it and rang me.  Only he didn't just want money, he wanted his money and his wallet.   )  Anyway, I said as I was leaving, 'anyone want to go to town'?  And mum answered, 'I would, but I have a swollen foot.'  See, everything has to be about her.  So I said, 'that's a shame', and drove away.

Makes me seem really heartless unless you understand how Ns work.  There is no-one else in the world (except another N) that I would just drive away from when a clear call for attention comes like that.

Which is half the trouble, I suppose.  The guilt remains for having to be heartless in order to maintain survival boundaries.

West coast - that is the Pacific coast, isn't it?  What a long way away!!  I occasionally get to paddle in the Atlantic (East Coast of England), but have never paddled in the Pacific.    Perhaps I should put it onto a long term wish list.  

[October]

My mum only listens if she has not heard something before.  And then she repeats it to anyone and everyone she can find, without any discrimination at all.  When I was a teenager I used to hear my most intimate secrets discussed with strangers at bus stops.  I soon learned to tell her nothing.

I think I may have mentioned already that mum always reads the paper before anyone else, and that she often reads bits of it out loud - I really hate that - with her own disgusted tone of voice, of course.  (She never reads out any good bits, only bits which fit her own prejudices.)

[flower]

Hi October,    

  ------------------------------------------------------

Thanks so much for your insight and support.
 It aided my healing. Too much of my heart
was in this post to let it remain here for posterity on the web.
The post served its purpose and now it is time to
edit it or gently take it down.
 
To every thing there is a season, and a time
to every purpose under the heaven:  Ecclesiates 3:1

------------------------------------------------------------

[Feline]

I don't go by my birth name when I meet people  because I am not beholden to my birth family and I don't feel like I am part of it or belong there. I  am different than them.
When I use my birth name it is for convienece. Soon I will get my real name,one I recieved as a gift  in a spiritual encounter,Underground Panther in the Sky.That is my real name. I am called panther by my real family,my freinds whom respect me and whom I cherish in return.

I want to legally change my name because I am not my mother or my father and because they labeled me and did not value me as a person,
I will value me and label myself in a way with a word that has precious connotations and positive meanings for me. But it's a paperwork task and complicated and it takes time..So...

Technically what is a name? So if we take the name our parents give us without question... why do it?

I hate my birth name.It has been a tool for bullies for years and it makes me cringe to associate myself with it. I didn't have a name for years,I had a label a handle some noise to distuinguish me from others when I was called  in a room.

I was given my birth name  because I was "small"my mom says.
Well I ain't small no more.

I do not have to accept anything my parents declare.
And that includes my birth name and all the pain it carries.
I can choose to name myself in a way that is discriptive and worthy of what I am.