Kind of a Big Deal

[sunblue]

Hello All:

Weekends---especially holiday weekends----always call to my mind the pain and loneliness of being the adult child of an N (in my case an Nmom and Nsis).  So, I forced myself into the sunshine and spent part of the day at an art fair.  At one of the booths which was selling plaques and other crafts targeting small children, I saw one plaque which summed up, in my mind, the sadness of being an N offspring.  The plaque read, "I'm Kind of a Big Deal." That's how it should be for children.....children SHOULD be a big deal in the life of their parents and families.  But as we all know, as children of N parents, we were NEVER a big deal.  Only the N is the big deal.  Those I think who have grown up the healthiest and most self-confident are those who were made to feel that their presence in this world IS a big deal.  Some children of Ns are lucky enough to find a spouse or someone in their lives who help convince them they are a big deal.  For others of us, that never happens....but all children deserve to know they are a big deal....at least at some point in their lives.

[seasons]

Ditto, you are absolutely right on, sunblue!!

Sadly I think that was written from your hurting heart, yet it was so beautiful.

You are beautiful.

You are not "kinda" , "You are A BIG DEAL!"

sunblue,
I can't imagine living with your N's. Do you have an escape plan? A fantasy life, a dream, a real life without them?

You are a gem.

I wish "YOU" could see that. It's amazing to see the talented, wonderful, loving hearts on this board.

Your one of them. It would be an honor for anyone to have you as a coworker, friend, significant other, wife etc.

I hear your heart so eloquently, it's lovely.

What a delight to hear you went out and pushed through a difficult day. (hugs)

Did you buy yourself that plaque? If not, you could write that quote and put it in a special spot, as a reminder of all that you are.

Thank you for sharing. With love, seasons

[Hopalong]

Hi Sun,

(What kind Seasons said...dittos dittos.)

And it case it might make you laugh...if it's any comfort after a long time I finally see it's funny...and I'm sure I've told this tale on the board before...

A few Christmases before she died, my Nmother, with some difficulty, ordered from a mailorder catalog a little ceramic plaque for me. I opened the box, and unwrapped a little oval with a twirly flower design around the edge. The plaque said (and the key thing is that NMom actually SMIRKED as she watched me open my gift...):

I smile because you are my daughter;
I laugh because there's nothing you can do about it.

I remember feeling actually kind of stunned at how raw a glimpse that was into her mind.

Truth in jest! It kind of hurt. In a very black humor way I could see she on some level meant it as a joke. I got that.

But in another way, I was staggered.

Whoever was dreaming up gag gifts for that catalog either was an N or had been raised by them!

I too hope you make a plan to move out, Sunblue...

love,
Hops

[Ami]

Oh ,the N humor when they don't even know it is humorous  .
((Sun)))
 You are so right everyone needs to be "seen". That is what a "big deal " means to me, being seen, being important as a person who matters, not as some interchangeble thing who could be switched with s/one else and no one would notice.
 You have the human need to belong. I hope you find your special place, Sun.          xxxxoooo  Ami

[cgm1028]

WOW Hop!  Truthfully my NM would do the same thing! 

[Gaining Strength]

Sunblue - I totally sympathize.  I find these 3 day weekends very difficult.  Always a reminder of how unconnected I am.  I finally have enough strength to begin planning for those times so that I am not stuck with nothing to do and feeling the blehs.  Thanks for your post.

[bearwithme]

Hello All:

Weekends---especially holiday weekends----always call to my mind the pain and loneliness of being the adult child of an N (in my case an Nmom and Nsis).  So, I forced myself into the sunshine and spent part of the day at an art fair.  At one of the booths which was selling plaques and other crafts targeting small children, I saw one plaque which summed up, in my mind, the sadness of being an N offspring.  The plaque read, "I'm Kind of a Big Deal." That's how it should be for children.....children SHOULD be a big deal in the life of their parents and families.  But as we all know, as children of N parents, we were NEVER a big deal.  Only the N is the big deal.  Those I think who have grown up the healthiest and most self-confident are those who were made to feel that their presence in this world IS a big deal.  Some children of Ns are lucky enough to find a spouse or someone in their lives who help convince them they are a big deal.  For others of us, that never happens....but all children deserve to know they are a big deal....at least at some point in their lives.

Oh.  This made me cry.  Sun, for some reason....I can't reply to this.  It hit home and I can't breath.  I need to take a break.  I'll come back later...

Love to all

Bear

[lighter]

I'mglad you got out on a beautiful day and connected with something outside yourself.

That's so important, Sun.

You never know what might inspire you..... it could be around the next corner: )

Mo2