HELP I am Emotionally exhausted after finding the truth of a cheating girlfriend

[j_stice]

Hi Plucky,

I know your right the problem is that the damage is done and it will again be a time issue to try to repair the damage. I think I am just a little frustrated with what has been done and annoyed that she both has no remorse and / or no intention of letting me be! I am trying to be the bigger person but I get the impression that the deceit and treachery will continue unabated. I hope the trip I intend to take will give me new perspective!

Thanks for your advise

j_stice

[Plucky]

Hi justice,
I was wondering where your thread went! I forgot it was over here.
How was your trip?
Part of getting over the trauma, which preferably you can safely do with a therapist, is letting go of the disbelief (denial) and the wish that things were different.  She is what she is, you cannot change her, you can only change you and how you feel.  I feel bad for you but believe me, it is worse to be someone like her.
I hope things are going better for you.
Plucky

[j_stice]

Hi Plucky and everyone else who has been reading this thread,

Unfortunately my trip hasn't begun yet mainly due to other family members' relying on my to help them (so I had to delay it). As such I felt obliged to help them out, probably the wrong thing to do but I guess you live and learn.

Plucky: Belive it or not I am not denying that she had the ability to do these things to me nor am I denying the fact that I can change her. But my concerns were more about how could I have let myself believe her and not trust my instincts. Unfortunately, over time and therapy I have been able to realise that she has NO remorse for what happens and wishes to continue with this charade of baseless allegations, nuisance calls, insults and harrassment for a while. Fortunately, I have been assembling some worthwhile support networks to try to confront this issue (and the issues that have resulted stemming from this relationship). Nope this is not one of those "A-team" type groups with some smart talking "Mr. T" like character (in case anyone was wondering it was an early 80's tv show). Instead, thanks to other and listening to the survival stories of others and consulting with my support network I have been able to start looking at re-establishing my boundaries and my life. Regardless of what happens I know it isn't going to be easy but having people who support me helps.

The strange thing is the constant blame game and allegations for the failures and short-comings of what has and is happening, whilst I am learning to care less about it, it still is tough to make sure I am properly able to continue my moving on! I guess after hearing about it for a while from her, others (from her indirectly) as well as from others who I considered to be close to me, I have learned to distance myself from her, her comments and the person who I originally fell madly in love. It was a Jekyl and Hyde personality, whose personal interest took precedence over anything important to me or anything from me.

I did learn one other thing, maybe if I wish her all the best in her endeavours and continue to take the right steps to having a decent, loving and caring relationship, I can categorise this experience as a character building and learning experience so it isn't a total loss.

Thanks for your interest Plucky,

j_stice

[canoe]

My father's old girlfriend acted like that with me, after he died.  She was a schizophrenic (had been hospitalized) and tried to use the child they had to keep me in the relationship, she was also stalking me and two of my male friends and harassing us all at work. They called the police and got a restraining order and I moved, because I felt in danger.   The question is not whether or not you should get away but how far you can get and how fast.  There is no reason for you to have any further contact with her or her friends, dump her clothes off to charity or a friends, if you have to, and avoid her COMPLETELY from now on.  Do not compromise.   You owe her nothing.  (The child turned out to be pretty scary and unstable, too, so saving myself was the right choice.) 

[canoe]

PS  

>>maybe if I wish her all the best in her endeavours<<

That might work with a balanced person or if you get stuck talking to her, for some reason, but it's best to avoid altogether, I think.  You have no guilt, here, so don't let anyone try to use that to manipulate you or draw you back in.    Good luck!  

[j_stice]

Thanks it is actually quite funny that after all this time and all this distance that I still feel she won't give up the games oh well some poeple never change!