alcoholic friend attacks

[Hopalong]

Sea,
Can I lend you one of my fingernails?

With one here and one there, maybe you'll find you've got a stronger grip than you knew!

And GOOD for you for being sick of people who aren't nice to you!!!!! Hooray!

Sometimes somebody who just gratuitously hurts us gives us a wakeup call and our slumbering self-esteem goes,
wait just a damn minute! I REALLY DON'T DESERVE THIS!

Maybe your non-friend's behavior will turn out to have been a spur for GOOD feelings about yourself.

Now let's go have a pedicure, toenails help too.

hugs,
Hops

[seastorm]

Hops:

You are the kindest and sweetest person. It may sound a bit silly but sometimes you sound like a very dear astute angel.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. I am crying my eyes out right now.
Last night I talked to my exN. It has not been good for me. He is doing exactly what you and DebKor were talking about. He is working it. Still even though he is apologetic, I end up bing the sick one who drove him away and now he is homeless, except he will be looking for a job in Calgary where he is sure to get one. Oh, and also he would like the settlement as soon as possible. Also, any money that I think he owes me is just fautlty bookkeeping. The boat broke even. And he wants his cat back. But then again, he wants to come and see me in a couple of months when things have cooled down. Maybe next year he and Calgary lady will get back together.  The YoYo effect gave me whiplash.

I would snap out of all this if I could. I am just trying to get better and it takes sheer will to keep going. I feel so hurt.  This is grief. t just takes over. This boiled frog got out of the pot but you can imagine how much it will take to recover.

Lots of love,
Sea storm

[isittoolate]

Hi seastorm,

I thnk I read in one of your posts here that you take things too personally?

Well I do/did too. If something went wrong and people were being questioned, I would feel guilty even though I hadn't done it. I did this as a child and even as an adult.

I have posted a lot of things here, and my life is a pile of junk. I have voluntarily 'gone into seclusion' just to work on myself. (Thank goodness I work from home and all contacts are business related.)

I have been used a lot and with all my postings have come to the conclusion I must work on SHAME.

An alcoholic can say very mean things, or not. Sounds as though your 'friend' needed alcohol as a means to say what she wanted to say, but you certainly don't need her in your life.

Oh yes, I am working on boundaries as well, and it's going well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,because I don't see anyone on whom to practice.

Love
Izzy --ever get to Kelowna?

EDIT: I just read your new post. I am so sorry he is messing up things again for you. Stnad strong and keep you chin high. Be confident and throw him off his game.
Iz

[seastorm]

Hi Izzy,

I dooooo take things personally. It is a real problem. Things really sting me. I try not to be this way.

Somehow I like that your life is a pile of junk. Those are my favourite people. Real people with lives that they admit aren't perfect, are far from perfect. Although you say this I thnk you have a very good, kind soul.

Yes, I agree. Shame is a big one. Imagine if you had oodles of self esteem and never doubted a thing???????  I can't quite get there. That would be an hilarious role play for me.

I must admit that I have boen working on boundaries by not seeing people too. We are funny birds, eh?
I didn't act confident when he callled. Cried through the whole thing. Fell apart. However, that is very good advice about sounding confident.  That is the heart of the matter.

Working at home sounds good. Is it?  You seem to have really great computer skills. I notice you can use all the whistles and bells.

I live in BC too.  My sister has a grandchild in Kelowna and we want to go there when the weather is better.

Thanks Izzy, I wish you felt more loved. I wish we both felt more loved. Or maybe I wish we loved ourselves. That is probably what would happen if I dealt with the underlying problems.
I am going to a therapist and it stirs things up so that I don't know if I am getting through it or getting lost in it. Ultimately, I am willing to go through it and she is helping. Also, I trust her al lot.  Do you see a therapist??  I find that this site is incredibly therapeutic. I would not have believed that there could be so many kind, wise and lovely people out there. What a beautiful surprise.

Love to you,
Sea storm

[isittoolate]

hi seastorm,

I loved your reply. Right up there upfront!

If we met a perfect person we wouldn't be on this earth.

This is the first site whereby people care for one another. It is evident in the # of posts on given topics. In other Groups, you can post, be ½ way down and off the page in the blink of an eye.

It's also easier to suggest something to someone than to do what someone suggests. I has to be real, and it has to be you, and it had to be your decision.

Working at home is great. I have 3 websites up that are in need of updating, at times, but one is constant, and for them I do the accounting. I Vant to be alone! (Garbo) I have just finished their year end, the month of January, and then back to year end figures to prepare Reports for the Annual General Meeting,  this 24th. Am done!

All of this requires peace and quiet. I drive to the Office once a week to drop of whatever and pick up whatever, and that is where I might run iinto people. I am fine with them as they are'strangers' , don't know I am 'insane' and think i am great so I feel like a phony! 

Actually right now, seastorm, I don't want to be loved. I want to work on loving myself and make that my only responsibility. I don't see a therapist right now. I did have one, but in hindsight, I think she might have been an N.

I. too, find this Board therapeutic and somehow have more trust in the 'strangers' (Posters) than I have ever had in people I know.

xx
Izzy

[James73]

Seastorm, get rid of her quick smart shes a nasty bit of work who likes to see you suffer. Dont ring her dont answer her calls and dont see her. You are a nice person and shes a piece of poo, no let me refraze that shes a f'ing b******. You will find friends easily but be cautious and find yourself first, become assertive set up your boundaries - you deserve to be happy. Ive also got to do these things and I know it is helping and will lead me to the road of a happy life. If you want to get some idea of what an N thinks like check this link out and you will see the hideous cow behind the anger:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

I have totally checked out what an N is which helps me look back in my life and find out why I felt so bad in different situations involving an N. It gets me angry but then I feel liberated afterwards, it may help you too.

Stay on the road on self enlightenment and you will find happiness
Peace to you
james

[Hopalong]

Sea.....
Healing has slow sloggy days and then days when there's just light and moments of peace, when you can feel it lift. Next time it slogs down you bend you head into the wind and just be in the moment, enjoying your feet as they plop plop ahead on the wet pavement. Around the corner the clouds will break and you'll rest in light again, drink in the healing warmth. It will go like that, and you will be all right, my dear.

You are grieving a lost dream of the kind of relationship you wanted, way back before the wreck.
And you will begin a new dream, once you've knit yourself back into the strength and cozines of your own life, and recognized it as good.

I think you can fall in love with your own life, and I think you will. Then you'll be through the hard part and memories when they come will just be benchmarks of how good it feels to be safe, and warm, and going out and coming in, with friendly kind people taking up that empty space, until you find you love them, are rich in community and dear friendships, and healing will no longer be about survival but will have become a joyful way of life. And into that life, one day, love again.

Hugs,
Hops

[seastorm]

Hops, James, CB

I was away for a few days. Yes, I sure got the ole whammy from Ns during the last few days. I was really feeling rotten and went to visit my sister in another city. I went to my therapist too. That helps.

I agree that the n friend has to go.  I realize she is just like my MOTHER.  That contempt that just creeps under your skin like a cold wind in January. Freezing medusa contempt. Best to casrry a mirror and relfect it back and not deal with it or respond to it in any way.
As for talking to my ex.  What a spin that was!  Loop de Loop. Funny I had a dream and I dreamt I was with a lover who was affectionate and helped me be organizee ( I am disorganied)  and when a woman left a message on his answering machine telling him that she loved him, he was tempted but he stayed with me.  Somehow this dream really wke me up to what a loving partner does.  they support you and are affectionate and loyal and dependable.  Then I thought. Hmmmmmmm I have deserted MYSELF in all this and I ne4ed to be all those things to myself.  I know these things intellectually but this time it sunk into my heart.

I just love you guys so much.  there is reall constancy here for me. And accptance and love.

Thanks so much for your replies. When I came back to the empty house it was great to see you had written.

Love to you,

Sea storm