This is taken from a Christian book called Conquering Codependency by Pat Springle Copyright 1993 by Rapha Publishing. I take no credit for any of this material being shared here, but I do highly recommend this book to all of you.
Role #1 THE HERO
The first-born child often assumed the role of the responsible one, or hero. Heroes often excel in sports and/or academics. Their achievement takes the focus off the family's problem. Heroes may make sure that younger siblings are cared for and arrive at school and home from school. In this caregiving role heroes become like surrogate parents--peole who take on some of the same roles as parents. Claudia Black describes one such child "who had seven sheets of paper along the wall in her room outlining her duties every hour of the day, including one specific hour to relax and play. Heroes are little adults---old before their time---who never get to be children.
Thinks if she is perfect the problems will go away (this might be why "hero" people tend to reason that they were so good to a person, when that person dares to point out that they were harmed by them..."but after all I did for you...I gave you this, I bought you that, etc" typical of hero children.
(I can say I personally have run into these adult-children in my life)
Role #2 THE SCAPEGOAT
This is the child who gets blamed for the family's problems. A 13- yr oldboy was told that he was to blame because his
father was an alcoholic. Finding the role of hero already filled, scapegoats seek attention by acting out, running away, or getting into trouble. All children crave attention. In a dysfunctional home, attention is in short supply. Addicted parents use all their energies to deal with the addiction. Codependent spouses are addicted to their addict, with all their energies spent on trying to control and cover up for him or her. Very little attention is left over for the chlidren. The hero receives attention from teachers or coaches who are surrogate parents. The scapegoat gets attention by getting into trouble. The attention may be negative, but it's better than nothing.
Rebels against problems in the family and ultimately believes she/he is the problem
Role #3 THE LOST CHILD
The lost child deals with the "family issues" by denying "them" and by staying very quiet. The term LOST CHILD describes this situation well because these children are the ones no one notices. They never make waves. They never do anything to draw attention to themselves. They are masters at chamelionism---blending into the surroundings. What makes the lost child's situation even more tragic, is that observers may think that the family's chaos does not affect these children, when in fact it affects them greatly. Lost children tend to be shy.
Goes into his/her shell, isolates him/herself from meaningful relationships.
(had a friend like this)
Role #4 THE MASCOT
This is the child who seeks to releive the tension in a stress-filed family, by telling jokes, making funny facial expressions, or doing humorous antics that relieve the tension some way. Mascots are the children who major on feelings. They are masters at using comedy to relieve a tense situation. A mascot becomes an adult who is the life of the party but who is out of touch with his or her own feelings.
keeps people laughing in the midst of a tragedy.
(I was this during my step-father's funeral. I did impressions of how he used to talk, and, since i'm very accurate at imitating people, my family felt like he was right there with us.)
Rele #5 THE ENABLER
The role of enabler traditionally is assigned to the addicted person's spouse. The wife of the alcohollic keeps the family secret. This enables the alcoholic to keep drinking. She phones in sick for him, she cleans up his messes. In the name of helping , she sees to it that he never has the encounter with reality that might cause him to be responsible.
They keep people from reaping consequences for their actions and behaviors
