Being Present Tonight

[Hopalong]

Hi Hope,
I loved your response and wanted to tell you that when my D was 12 I took her to see The Secret Garden on Broadway. Ever since then, that CD, with Mandy Patinkin, has been one of my favorites. Have you heard it? The two tenors' duet, She Has My Lily's Hazel Eyes...just blows me away. I think you'd enjoy it.

And every winter, around February, I used to have a personal tradition of reading the original book, to get me to spring. I've forgotten to do that for the last few years, but you reminded me. Thank you! xxoo

Dear Axa,
That's how I feel when I get drawn backward into obsessiveness or forward into fear. I really understand, and I like being present more, too. Funny, but weight-loss hypnosis is helping me with a lot of things.

love to youse,
Hops

[Ami]

Dear Axa,
 Those deep patterns are what I am trying to heal now. The bad thing about them is that if you TRY to ignore them they come out "sideways" and cause you(Me) all sorts of troubles--- Boy --let me count the ways-  BLEH  . I will say a prayer for us---Let our troubles come out "frontwise"----lol                        Love Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Hops,

That's a treasured memory for you... of sharing the Secret Garden with your daughter... what a blessing! Thank you for sharing it with me. I didn't even know it'd been on Broadway. This sheltered life with my cubs in our various caves has left alot to be imagined.
Maybe I can find the song about Lily's Hazel Eyes on Limewire and hear it... I hope so.
Somewhere, through the years, I've lost the book... and till now, it was only a distant memory... but now, I'm ready to replace it. I think that's a wonderful tradition of yours, reading the story to pipe in Springtime.
Today is enough for me.

With love,
Carolyn

P.S. Hugs to Bean... thinking of you alot.

[Poppy Seed]

Hops,
This is a very enjoyable thread to me.  It feels calming and centering.  And I appreciate that.  Feel like I can hear a twinkle in your eye!

Being present is a two-edged sword for me.  Feels like balancing on the tight rope.  I don't have the crutch of my past and my old excuses to lean on and I am forced to trust my own strength which is difficult to say the least.  Trusting my gut.....is something of a balancing act in and of itself.  But I must confess, that being and feeling present in the "right now" is so delicious!  It is like a free zone where the fear tries to get in but can't.  And if I keep my eyes straight ahead....and put one foot in front of the other I feel somehow grounded.  I suppose I get frustrated with my inability to maintain being present.  Oh well!  Onward and upward.....

Pops

Ami,  You made me laugh!  HA HA HO!

[axa]

Hops,

The obsessing, God, how I hate it.  It is like a demented disease and I want to be free of it.  Stayed in the present today and feel soooooooooo much better.

Ami,

Thank you I will say a prayer for us also and all the lost little girls in the world

axa

[teartracks]

Dearest axa,

I promise you that these feelings will pass.  In the meantime, is it possible that the stress, the ups and downs, the tiredness, from  your move have triggered you unexpectedly?  I don't want to be invasive or place pressure on you by asking.

tt

[axa]

TT,

I am sure the huge change I have undergone has taken its toll on me.  I am physically very tired and also have met so many new people.........WOW, interesting people but I have been living very quietly and all of a sudden my life is so full, such a change.  Today I pottered around the house, had some fellow students over for lunch and it was easy and pleasant.  My friend offered to cook dinner for me this evening but I just decided to crash and have some quite time.  Guess that was taking care of myself.

I am aware now that I just lost my way, started obsessing and stayed away from the present and IT HURTS ME. 

I am so grateful for this board and the support and wisdom I find here.  I am grateful to those of you who ask me the questions which nudge me back into my truth.

Many thanks TT

xxxxxx

axa