Author Topic: Relationship/s  (Read 15325 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #555 on: July 17, 2020, 06:23:29 PM »
I have this picture of Hops in my head...
perfectly content being a homebody - the virus distancing not being a problem for her. Lots of quiet time, pleasurable small social meetups with good close friends... and introverted solo pursuits. There exists an awareness of a need for security and companionship... or at least the wish for that.

Describing the character of a potential Mr. Right....
Emotionally strong; stable. Always there when you need him. Attractive, but in a quiet way. Maybe someone with an affinity for gardening or animals... practical handyman... but educated and well-read... but without a neon-sign advertising it all the time. Someone who is patient and caring; and appreciates some skittishness about old wounds and is gentle with them. Funny in a "real people" sorta way; able to poke fun at himself and tell tales on himself. Someone secure in who he is, what he has/wants to give and how... who doesn't have anything to prove to the world,  but will knock himself out to impress you Hops.

Someone comfortably retired - who isn't reliving "past glory" all the time. The kind of guy who'll say - "you didn't have to do that for me" when you surprise them.

(And no I have no plans to become an "over-60 romance genre writer"..... LOL. But ya gotta admit - it's a niche not many are writing about...)
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #556 on: July 17, 2020, 07:44:07 PM »
Damn, Amber, sign me up for your book club!
What a lovely, lovely vision -- thank you. I really will hold that ... soooo good. And your vision of how I can live on my own is a good one too. Thanks.

CB, luckily M was never verbally explosive or abusive. That would make all wobbling irrelevant. At least I have that much healthiness and self esteem.

I am committed to not "villainizing" him, while also not "pretzelizing" me. I think we'll both be okay in the long run whether we ever see each other again or not. And I don't regret the relationship for a moment. I'm very grateful it happened. He woke me up from a kind of buried state where I'd just gone numb. I'm not now.

And that HELPS. I am more solid and grounded than I knew. Plenty o' future.

Hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #557 on: July 17, 2020, 08:39:20 PM »
LOLOLOLOL. I'm smiling & happy you liked it Hops. Cheers.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

CB123

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #558 on: July 17, 2020, 08:46:58 PM »
Perfect, Hops! No villianizing (unless dealing with a villian)!

.....and I was responding to the Carolyn Hax post about the guy who was being abusive....? Where you wrote Hmmmmmm?

Anyway, glad you are excited for the future.

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #559 on: July 18, 2020, 07:00:37 AM »
Oh I'm sorry, CB.
Duh.
I think my head is spinning now and I morphed it into some of your concerns about my relationship with M...which, as it turns out, were very wise observations.

Didn't mean to confuse the two...I should keep Hax outta here!

HUGS and grateful ones,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #560 on: July 20, 2020, 02:49:09 AM »
I'm glad you're not like the lady in that story, Hops.  It makes me so sad when women feel a bad relationship is better than being alone.  So sad.  I'm glad you didn't feel that you needed to stay, no matter what xx

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #561 on: July 20, 2020, 06:33:52 AM »
Thanks, Tupp.

It's sinking in and though I still feel it was the right decision,
it's not easy. Had a pretty down day yesterday. It's just the
feeling of isolation is much more than it would have been just
after a "normal" breakup, I think. For several reasons:

--pandemic/quarantining means a lot of time (nearly all) alone
--now that I'm 70 I'm less confident about ever finding a new partner
--when I wake up in the morning I think of M first, just there it is

I know all this will ease in time (except perhaps the finding someone bit).
And I made the decision I felt I had to make.
Still, the peace does come with a price.

I know M is probably suffering too at the moment, and it's tough
to think about that. I do miss aspects of being with him a lot.

All that said, I'm hanging in. Need to get outdoors again as my garden
is withering.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #562 on: July 20, 2020, 09:15:20 AM »
It is hard, I think more so if there are lots of good bits as well.  And yes, as you say, age, pandemic, these are factors and very big ones!  It's equally hard when you know you could be with someone and you kind of convince yourself you could ignore or cope with the bad bits (I know I've done that myself in the past).  I hope it all starts to get easier in time, Hops xx

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #563 on: July 20, 2020, 10:30:22 AM »
Thanks, ((((Tupp)))).
I really appreciate your empathy.

I agree, it will get easier with time.
I'm confident of that.

I need to be patient with the day by
day healing. Lots of little fissures need
to knit together, so I need to be kind
to myself too--and calm.

(Not my constant M.O. but I know it's
what's needed.)

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

CB123

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #564 on: July 20, 2020, 10:36:36 AM »
Thinking of you, Hops. Hoping you have a very peaceful day today.

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #565 on: July 20, 2020, 10:48:49 AM »
Thanks, ((((CB)))).

I fought back the down-lassitude enough this
morning to get out and water, and in the nick
of time. Was very excited to see my first ripe
cherry tomatoes -- they're a heritage golden
yellow version.

And the chard is going like gangbusters still.
Everything else seemed pretty pooped out.
Carrots had been coming along (another heritage
seed that produced whitish carrots with an earthier
flabor) but something ate off all their tops.

I have a suspect. This morning when Pooch and
I went out the side door, a small bunnywabbit
was just sitting there, enjoying the view into
the long back yard. Didn't budge until Pooch
came out, tentatively, and then pulled back.

My 20-pound dog just retreated from a wabbit.
Oh, the shame of it.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #566 on: July 21, 2020, 10:31:31 AM »
Poor pooch: ) 

I'm happy to read your garden is producing yummy warm fresh things for you still.

I haven't checked my tomatoes in a while.
Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #567 on: July 21, 2020, 05:12:39 PM »
I know, Pooch must have been so traumatized
(by the sight of a bunnywabbit half her size...).

:)
Good luck with your tomatoes!

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #568 on: July 23, 2020, 08:17:15 PM »
You sound good, Hops.

I'm sorry things didn't work out as you'd hoped.  Perhaps this is practice for what comes next. 

Something wonderful, this way comes.

Lighter

Hopalong

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Re: Relationship
« Reply #569 on: July 23, 2020, 10:46:43 PM »
Well, I'm always reluctant to predict or fantasize about romance...but thanks for the thought.

I've learned that keeping my feet firmly on the ground for as long as I can is a big help in retaining enough relationship with myself to save myself from long-term harm, I think. Even with this relationship, a year and five months before I accepted it couldn't work long term was progress. I've spent far far longer in mismatches at other points in my life, and don't regret this relationship, so by my snaily standards, this is growth.

Just growth for me, though. Doesn't guarantee anything about anyone I may meet.

Meanwhile, I'm growing in more ways than one...have been putting on weight with emotional eating. Not happy about that. Too much food in the house to get through quarantine, and lack of activity due to heat...and isolation. Hope to get a grip soon.

thanks,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."