Thanks, Lighter. Finding out I could push out a poem, and a good one, was a massive relief.
Found out what the recent brain-event was actually diagnosed as. They're all on the same curve, I think, but rather than a TIA, this was a PSR. Its real name is almost as fun as "gloomy scale" -- the thing that my big front tree expired from. Love that term so much (what else should a poet croak from?) that it's going in my funny obit.
PSR stands for Post-Stroke Recrudescence. I love it!! I KNEW there was crud in my brain. Anyway, it means that the same symptoms one had with an original stroke reappear -- less severe, and not lasting.
All in all the vulnerability is real but I really felt better today. A friend alerted me to a free online workshop on stroke prevention and treatment, and it was just somehow comforting to be there with other folks, and think about how even if the worst should happen, I wouldn't have to face it alone.
Very cheering. And the other day, after the Neuro followup for which my lungs had slammed so far (I was severely short of breath walking a short way) -- the next day I recovered a bit of will power and walked -- we're talking one short block and back -- lungs whamming all the way, feeling dizzy and crud-y. Next day, did it again a little farther and lungs were still unhappy, still felt dizzy and weak. Today, did it again a little farther still and lungs were less unhappy and I was minimally dizzied.
So there. Hops, the knowitall medical writer, rediscovers the wisdom of baby steps, incremental changes, and all that stuff she's known forever. It wasn't the knowledge I rediscovered, it was enough will and courage to do it despite my neurotic avoidance. So that's VERY encouraging.
And it leaks into everything. Got up today, did the online workshop, then tidied kitchen, folded AND PUT AWAY laundry, did some (are you ready?) paperwork, and now am off to Zoom with Quirk shortly.
M just got his second shot (he has bad reactions) and will be touch to moan on the phone and I'll be fine offering friend-comfort.
love y'all, hugs
Hops