My husband has been dead over a year now...........omg

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Lighter.

Have to admit I have too:

I've gone to bed mumbling to myself, on occassion, after reading some of [*my] responses

I write too quickly -- or sometimes too immediately -- and would do better to hit Pause or sleep on it. Other times, I think...type away, Hops, this one does no harm.

Had a nice T visit today. We talked about multidirectional compassion. Still working harder on aiming that inward but it's a more conscious thing than it used to be.

Always learning, and that's a relief.

hugs
Hops

[Bettyanne]

Hi Lighter,
I think life growing up with immature......and maybe narcissistic traits is not easy..........my mothers traits
My mother only cared about what she was doing........she should have never married or had any  children.....
because she wasn't capable of it.........
I was continually abused by her.......I didn't realize that at the time.....life was about her and only her......
I am lucky in some ways to be alive.....if  it wasn't for my husband or boyfriend in the beginning I don't think I would have made it.......ever this far.  My mother came from an irish mother who never was able to read or write......and her knowledge of being a mother was zero......
I learned a little by babysitting for a family of seven kids........I never learned much at home except what not to do.......
My dad really made a mistake by marring some one like my mother.......when he died she told me she was glad he was dead.......omg I have never forgotten her saying that to me when I was 20.....
She was not a nice person, but when she was with others I could hear her being such a fake.....or dishonest 
I am grateful for meeting Bill ......she hated him by the way........
He was so good to me and me the same to him.....what we had in common was dishonest mothers....
I need to end here......I miss him so much.....
Thanks Bettyanne

[lighter]

Oh,Bettyanne I can hear all that trauma bouncing around in your Nervous System...... THERE. In your face, so close and transposed over the goodness in front of you.

I hope you can end the memories.  You're so kind and deserving.

Lighter