What's New for 2021?

[sKePTiKal]

I think perhaps it would be good to mention it Tupp. It would be necessary to forming a good working relationship with the new T. Having those cards out on the table.

The other thing to think about, is that sometimes, people take a break from therapy - when they come up against something as intense as I imagine your stepdad work would be. Maybe that T was just suggesting a break until you were ready to tackle it and not rejecting you at all. Even though you really felt it that way.

I get what you're saying about paying someone to listen to you. I felt that too, a lot of times. Even though it was the only T I worked with. I'd kinda talk about daily stuff, complain about the same things, etc. There wasn't anything in what I was giving her, to really work on. For me, that was my smokescreen wall, proclaiming absolute control that we weren't going to go any deeper or further than that; that I wasn't yet ready to dive in.

Later on, it was more like we'd sifted things so finely and fully processed the kitchen scraps into fertile black compost that there wasn't any more she could do to help me; I had to step up and do those things myself. Otherwise, I'd become dependent instead of INdependent.

Hmmmmm. Now that I think of it, that's a story I need to tell Hol.

[lighter]

Tupp:

It sounds like your T let her ego overtake her, IMO.  A good T shouldn't push a client into something they aren't ready for, IME. I'm gobsmacked she did that, truly. 

HOpefully the new EMDR gal will have a better handle on herself. 

I'd definitely discuss what happened with the last T. 

Lighter

[lighter]

Hi, Tupp:

I was thinking about college, and how your son really wants to visit with his friends, not attend class.

When my girls were homeschooling we visited their old school and the girls participated in class... usually several days in a row, monthly.  It was nice to keep the social contact, and everyone enjoyed it.

You might find you're welcome to bring your son to visit his old class and it works out well for everyone, depending on the framework.  Maybe set up an hour for something like show and tell once a week where everyone has something to share with the class?  Maybe it could be during lunch if it doesn't seem the teachers are open to it?

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Oh wow, ((((Tupp))))!

I'm in love with her too! I could not be more thrilled to hear this. Maybe THIS is the path that's going to get you to within howitzer-blasting distance of the trolls that live in your lizard brain. I am over the moon about it.

I loved what you said about the built-in habit of believing it's not safe to be yourself among others. That struck me as a huge insight.

And the fear of rejection.

Both of those are such direct and clear targets you can work on.

You are SO ready to do this work, and to trust the T.

Yippee,
Hops

PS Also understood more viscerally from this post how draining it is with son, his increased rocking and noise making when he's overstimulated or tired. It makes so much sense.

[lighter]

Wow, Tupp.  It's lovely when someone who gets it, really SEES our POV.  Not everyone can, and that's OK, but it's detrimental when we really need to get into the nitty gritty of banishing trauma in our brains,  IME. 

I think Trauma Ts aren't shocked, expect the shocking and know how to unhook the lizard brain so it can calm down and get on with processing AND whats in front of us.  So glad that went well.  Did she give you any homework or reading?

I'm amazed you continue with full time school for ds, considering the costs to you both, while keeping the door open for changes.  You're such a great mom.

Here's to a new year of self care, self discovery and calming the brain down.  You're so deserving of trauma resolution and what's beyond. ((Tupp.))

Lighter

[Hopalong]

(((((Tupp)))))

Nearly brought tears to think of you waking in the morning without anxiety surging through you. Anxiety which does NOTHING for you, ever, changes nothing, advances nothing, protects nothing.

I will personally make a statue of your new T and erect it anywhere you and she chooses. I just need the heroic pose.

Nahhh. Actually, I would prefer to make a hero-statue of YOU. You are so brave, and persistent, and determined, and you overcame your resistance to seeking T-help and now....help is here.

Happy dancing...big hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

Ah... college 2 days only.  Seems reasonable, but I wouldn't blame you for taking a complete break for a while. 

Believe it's permanent, tupp..... the ease and calm in your brain and body.  Believe 100% it's here to stay and know there's more to come.  Your brain just needs a chance to calm down, finish processing the stuck stuff and get on with functioning properly again.  It's easy.  It happens in a millisecond. 

Lighter



 

[Bettyanne]

Wow.....
Well before I said anything about where I'm at......
I wish everyone lots of love....whether you have someone in your life or not.....
Feel good about yourself even it you were never showed that....
Make it the way you can.....feel good about yourself....I know it depends where you're at!!!!!!!
I had so much negativity in my life as a kid...but I read this today so here goes..

I didn't grow up having role models.
I grew up having people I didn't want to be like and seeing situation I didn't want to be in.
Not all of us are dealt the right cards, but that doesn't mean we can't reshuffle the deck
for a better outcome.

I like reading this....because for sure I agree with it.....
My dear husband has cancer and all I can do is pray and hope for the best...
I saw my dad have cancer and I saw my NM take his pain medicine and replace it with sugar.....yes your read that right
SUGAR....he was dying...a sweet good man...but I learned I would never do that.....NEVER ever....

Lots of Love and good things......in the days ahead for your all
Bettyanne

[lighter]

You aren't disordered, Bettyanne.  You're a kind, decent and caring person your husband is lucky to have shared a life with.  Your mother was disordered and what she did with your f's pain meds was an egregiously harmful thing to do to anyone. 

Thank you for sharing on this thread.  You're so right about our histories not having the power to determine the rest of our lives. 

Thanks for that reminder.  Sometimes it's good to see in black and white.

Lighter

 

[sKePTiKal]

BettyAnne - my Dad's mom did something similar to one of her husbands. He became blind and asked for sugar in his coffee. Just to be mean, she used salt instead. That is only one example of what she believed she could do to people - with no conscience about it whatsoever. I never ever heard her apologize for anything.

I think that's one way my Dad & I were more compatible; we both became the targets of the PD in our FOO when there wasn't a partner anymore for them to concentrate on. I know I recognized it, even years before therapy. I don't know if he did or not.

[Hopalong]

I hadn't realised I had a constant heaviness in my chest until it went away for a few days last week, and I hadn't realised how constantly my inner voice criticises every little thing that I do....

I hadn't realised the power of it until it stopped

Those are such BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL realizations, Tupp. I'm so glad for you. Even respite, ups and downs, two steps forward plus one step back = FORWARD ... it's just all so much more hopeful and life begins to contain possibility, peace.

It's like it's as human to relax as to fear, to smile as to weep, to enjoy sunshine as to shiver. But when the latter are happening (too much or too relentlessly) the nervous system forgets it has a repertoire!

It sounds to me as though you've rediscovered a repertoire that's innate and lovely and the real birthright of everyone.

I'm singing along....

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Just AMAZING.

You're like a pioneer in your own essential self, in your own body.

Exploring, discovering.

I am awed.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Hi, Tupp:

I'm glad you made a connection with your new T.

DD found one this week too!  Yay!

Having things explained, the way your T is explaining to you, helps move forward much faster and more easily, IME.  It helps bring lasting change and teach us to help ourselves, which is amazing.

:nodding::

Keep us updated.  Very exciting!

lighter

[CB123]

Your IT idea is a good one, Tupp. I think you and your son could really make an impact on your community with that and it sounds like he would enjoy it for its own sake as well.

I know this kind of work is slow and painstaking, but I do see a correlation between this idea that you have and the work you are doing. Be patient! I think some breakthroughs are coming!

CB

[Hopalong]

Wow, Tupp. Just WOW.

You are making connections with such great emotional logic (stillness on sofa, couch) and there's a bright energy in it as I read it. Like, some of the liberated energy that went for so long into encapsulating you is being freed up for INSIGHT.

INSIGHT is different than cataloguing and control. It's the most potent and beautiful thing and I'm seeing you have a lot of it.

I am genuinely still thrilled for you.

I'm also very impressed that you thought so rationally about why you didn't have the "high" of your first discoveries replicate itself or clone itself precisely with each later session. That is REAL thinking and HEALTHY expectation.

Knowing that two steps forward + one step back really DOES still = FORWARD is so important. This realization carries peace.

I'm so proud of you. I hope you are prouder.

Hugs
Hops