Author Topic: What's New for 2020?  (Read 10048 times)

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #570 on: August 06, 2020, 11:07:59 AM »
I forget who wrote it years ago, but someone on this board....maybe CB......explained the power of saying....

" Let me know how that works out for you," when talking to someone stuck making the same mistakes over and over again.

I like it, bc it feels like total removal of energy and personal investment, ime.

What's left, in the space between us, when one person stops doing what they've always done? 

There's a chance the other person feels the removal of energy and investment the other withdrew.  It opens a new space, ime, when one is left with an empty field between them.

If one is able and willing, it's a good place for honest self reflection to bloom and take hold, ime.

If not, at least one knows everything helpful was said many times.  Repeating those things wasn't likely to help.  Might as well save your breath and do something happy instead.  Allowing resentment to build smacks of codependent behaviors and habits I'm trying to shift away from.

Lighter




Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #571 on: August 06, 2020, 01:17:32 PM »
Spot ON, Lighter.

I needed to hear that too, every line.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #572 on: August 06, 2020, 02:51:05 PM »
Thanks, Hops and Lighter.  I've been very slovenly today (Hops, you are not alone in seeing things need doing but just not being able to get the oomph up to do them).  But have also been thinking a lot and I think a few things have been on my mind and/or come to a head.  The ongoing covid situation has turned from 'this will be over in three or four months' (and to be honest three or four months was no problem for us) to something that is likely to take a year, if not longer, to be out of the woods from, just in terms of not catching it when you leave the house.  The ramifications of jobs, housing, long term mental health problems - and Brexit! - are just more on top of that.  So that's been whirring through my head, along with the knowledge that the days are starting to get shorter, only slightly just now but I already notice the difference and getting through six months of winter with Covid ongoing isn't making me feel cheerful at the minute either.

I would like to leave England.  Moving again has been on my mind and where to has been playing a big part and, wherever I look in England, I realise I just don't like living here anymore.  Too much racism, for one thing, and a general increase in intolerant attitudes for all sorts of reasons.  Funding for the sorts of disabilities my son has are due to be reduced to zero in two years time, and I would bet my last penny that the tax dodging billionaires won't be the ones footing the bill for Covid or Brexit.  They've also just pushed through plans to stop ensuring that social housing is built as part of each new development, so the housing situation is likely to get worse as well.  None of that feels promising or tempting so my mind is whirring to 'where can we go' - along with all the problems associated with that of distance, lack of support, money, work etc.  I think that's been bugging me.

And the noise.  We are surrounded by endlessly barking dogs.  They had me awake at 5 this morning, 4.45 yesterday.  It's so relentless and often means I'm sitting indoors with all the doors and windows shut, however warm it might be.  That's been really bugging me as well.  So I think a combination of things coming to a bit of a head, really.  It's a shift, definitely, and I currently feel we've got that wally brain on the Titanic who wanted to go faster in charge of everything and it doesn't feel good.  I think it's all just built up a bit.  I'm going to have a bath and get myself to bed, I think.  I think I also need to get some ear plugs so those dogs don't drive me insane.

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #573 on: August 06, 2020, 05:35:52 PM »
(((((Tupp))))).

I hear you.

I hear THEM (those neglected dogs).

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #574 on: August 06, 2020, 05:43:44 PM »
Hear! Hear! to ear plugs, Tupp; )

CB123

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #575 on: August 06, 2020, 05:49:23 PM »
Oh Tupp--I feel for you! I really hate those kinds of noises too.

I dont know if this would help in your case, but I use a big old cheap box fan as a white noise machine. Makes a huge difference, plus keeps me cool.

Love
CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #576 on: August 07, 2020, 05:28:05 AM »
Thanks everyone.  I think it all just piled up a bit.  There has, mercifully, been no barking today, in fact it's completely silent and I love that.  I will order some ear plugs though.

CB, I think I have funny hearing as white noise kind of becomes a distraction if I get stressed (which I do if there's other noise).  I'm not sure why, it's always been a funny thing for me, although oddly it does help me get to sleep at night.  You did remind me that I've got a big fan out in the shed, I'd forgotten it was out there so I'll dig that out today and at least if I'm inside with the windows shut I can still waft the air about.  I bought it off the internet and didn't check the measurements and when it arrived it was the size of a jet engine :)  Lol, it's why I have to keep it in the shed, it's so big and gives such a strong wind that the cat can fly in front of it like a flying squirrel.  I'd forgotten it was out there, thanks for the reminder.

I think the lack of an end point is bothering me mostly; I'm not happy if I'm not planning!  So I'm going to plan to move end of March next year and just adjust it as necessary depending on what else happens.  At least it will occupy my mind a bit. xx

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #577 on: August 07, 2020, 10:58:30 PM »
Tupp:

I was wondering what you were going to do about the anxiety over not having an end date, but then you set one!  Simply.  With the idea you can shift it about.  Brilliant.  Well done. 

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #578 on: August 08, 2020, 04:04:47 AM »
Thanks, Lighter (((((Lighter))))))

It's very helpful to me at the moment to have so little activity because it's making it so much easier to identify what triggers the anxiety and what soothes it.  As soon as I set a date in my own mind the anxiety went away.  Doesn't matter whether the date changes or if I change my mind about moving again - it's given me something to work on and I think my mind just needs that.  And it's nice researching areas!  Kind of like booking a holiday, you can just fantasy plan without worrying about the practicalities too much just now.  It's nice.

I also sorted through my paperwork stacks last night.  That felt good.  Out of the forty odd boxes and files I have, I reckon about half don't need any action - just scan and shred.  Relatively quick and definitely painless.  The others need a bit of sorting through but a lot of that will just be scanned and shredded as well.  My son's assessments contain a lot of waffle.  Once they're scanned, it should be fairly easy just to cut and paste any essential information along with contact details and dates and just put it into one document.  It suddenly doesn't seem like such a big job and that's a nice feeling as well xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #579 on: August 08, 2020, 02:39:34 PM »
We went to the osteopath this morning and it was heaven.  I nearly cried when she worked on my shoulder, the relief was so enormous and it affects the whole side of my body so I felt everything relax and it was amazing.  Son had his treatment to and you could see him walking better after it.  I felt safe in there; they've staggered appointments so no-one's entering or leaving at the same time, you wait at the door to be let in, hand sanitiser everywhere, masks for everyone, fuller PPE for staff, everything's disinfected every time it's used, there's even a box to put your bag in so they can disinfect that and no-one's spreading their germs on the floor, plus a temperature check at the door as well and screening checks to fill in before hand.  If everywhere was taking precautions like that I'd feel a lot more relaxed, I think.  Anyway, the treatment was lovely, my back feels loads better and I had a lovely nap when we got home.  The osteopath is lovely and it's the first face to face conversation I've had with anyone since March so I really enjoyed it, plus she showed me photos of her beautiful baby so it was just a really nice morning.  Bus was fine, everyone in masks and plenty of space between passengers.  Town seemed quiet, I'm assuming everyone was at the beach.  And the dogs have been blessedly quiet as well so it's been a really nice day.  Dinner's cooking, I'm marinating some ribs for tomorrow and things just feel okay.  Feel very lucky xx

CB123

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #580 on: August 08, 2020, 03:44:50 PM »
Loved hearing about your day, Tupp.

I'm dreaming of that normalcy and that was a beautiful picture. This week has been a harder week--we go into the six month next week. But today has been better, and I can imagine those kind of trips in the future again.

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #581 on: August 08, 2020, 04:40:16 PM »
Amen to what a beautiful, evocative description that was, Tupp.
I'm so glad you had a day like that. Every bit of it.

That responsible, caring, meticulous osteopath is a dream.

I love it that your son gets the treatment too.

Oh yay. And fervently hoping the dogs stay quiet for a while.
They're probably desperately in need of longer walks and more pack visits.
If cats meowed as loudly as neglected dogs can incessantly bark, they'd all be in cat jail!

Hope your physical and mental mellowness sticks around a good while, (((Tupp))).
It was great to read of the de-charged paperwork too. What clarity and calm.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #582 on: August 08, 2020, 07:22:25 PM »
The healing touch of beloved functional healthcare workers....
so important, IME.

What a blessing to have that comforting face to face conversations and physical touch, ((Tupp.)) Sharing photos of her baby.... yes.

I loved the way you're paying attention to how you feel, what creates the feeling, then making choices to bring yourself back into homeostasis.  Really amazing work, Tupp.  I hope as you mark these things, and remember them  as you go.  Having to figure things out, again and again, sometimes feels daunting. 

Are you keeping a journal?

Lighter


Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #583 on: August 09, 2020, 03:32:32 AM »
The healing touch of beloved functional healthcare workers....
so important, IME.

What a blessing to have that comforting face to face conversations and physical touch, ((Tupp.)) Sharing photos of her baby.... yes.

I loved the way you're paying attention to how you feel, what creates the feeling, then making choices to bring yourself back into homeostasis.  Really amazing work, Tupp.  I hope as you mark these things, and remember them  as you go.  Having to figure things out, again and again, sometimes feels daunting. 

Are you keeping a journal?

Lighter

I am writing stuff down, Lighter, and I love having the time to think about how things feel and what that means for me.  The things that we're doing are infrequent so it's much easier to spot whether something has a good or a not so good effect, whether other things might be in that pot and so on.  One thing I have noticed is that when something isn't great, I often try and mitigate it - the weather's too hot/rainy/windy, I didn't sleep well, my period's due, etc, but I don't question how I feel about something when it feels good - it just is.  I'm not sure why I'm not as accepting of a negative experience - it just didn't feel good.  I'll keep my eyes on that as well, it's just interesting.  And yes, having those bones and muscles worked and put back where they're supposed to be, I think she's probably very good at jigsaws :)  The only thing I missed was the hello and goodbye hug; we usually hug and she's a really warm, loving person so it was difficult to ignore that instinct and normal action with her (she said that's the thing she's finding hardest as well.  Plus the fact that she has to sneak back in the house to shower and change so that the baby doesn't see her before she can hug her; that's a hard one as well).  It was lovely, I woke up this morning feeling so much more relaxed and I'm really going to try to keep the relaxed feeling going xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #584 on: August 09, 2020, 03:39:10 AM »
Loved hearing about your day, Tupp.

I'm dreaming of that normalcy and that was a beautiful picture. This week has been a harder week--we go into the six month next week. But today has been better, and I can imagine those kind of trips in the future again.

CB

CB, I hope that comes for you soon as well.  It reassured me greatly because it is the new normal - we can have these interactions if procedures are followed and we can do it relatively safely.  Her medical background is great so it was reassuring to talk through how it's being handled, whether herd immunity is an option (she doesn't think it's the best option but thinks that's what Johnson is aiming for and that he should have been honest about it and planned properly for it as well).  And people, in general, seem to be more accepting of the situation now.  It didn't feel so weird to see people in masks or sanitising their hands, the new routines are becoming more normal.  It was really lovely and I really hope that things start to settle more where you are before too long now.  Six months is a long time in and I think not having an end point is hard to cope with as well.  I hope you and yours are doing okay xx