Author Topic: What's New for 2020?  (Read 10052 times)

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #735 on: September 16, 2020, 08:24:00 AM »
Handsome with big, curly hair at the moment, Hopsie, due to six months without a trip to the barbers :)  Lol.

Lighter, I put a piece of cardboard under the glass so we could slide it off the wall with the spider inside and then put him out in the garden.  All very satisfactory :)

I've been meditating again, and in this one she asks you to visualise your energetic helpers putting protections in place and encircling you with love, healing, hope, protection and so on.  It was interesting because, whenever I think of my relationships with female family members, it's always antagonistic and the relationships are fractured.  Mum, both nans, my aunts, sisters, female cousins - it's a big family and I just keep away from most of them because the women always seem to be battling and belittling each other and scapegoating seems to be common.  It's just not healthy so I try to avoid.  But in this visualisation I found I was able to imagine each of those women helping me - wanting me to be happy, smiling at me, being there to protect me and keep me safe.  I've never been able to imagine my mum as nurturing, however hard I've tried.  I've just always felt she wants to harm me and if she sees a vulnerability she exploits it rather than covering it and smoothing it over.  But this time was different, I could see my mum, both Nans (who were both pretty unpleasant women, truth be told, probably because of bad experiences), my sisters and my aunts and it felt nice - the way you would imagine a family to be.  That felt good.

I went a bit further in my own mind and when the meditation moved on to protection I imagined my mum packing my step-dad's bags when she found out what he'd done and sending him on his way.  I've never been able to imagine her protecting me before.  She's always been so vehement in her protection of him that I was just crushed under foot but doing this I could really see the detail, with her being very firm and no nonsense with him and just sending him off.  We stood at the doorway together and watched him leave and he looked dejected and unwanted.  We had our arms around each other and I just felt safe with her.  I know it's only imaginary but it still felt nice and having never been able to see anything like that in my mind before it felt good.

In other news - another property has become available.  I'll say no more just yet than it's not impossible and we're currently in the running.  I'm going to check each day.  I've decided that any property that we're in the top ten for, we'll bid on.  I think more than ten we've really got no chance but ten or above, it's possible.  I will say nothing else just now but if anyone wants to think happy thoughts about it that would be grand :) xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #736 on: September 17, 2020, 06:44:17 AM »
Just musing as I have another day with nothing planned and no activity likely to happen!

I realised this morning that I still feel 'wrong' if I don't do my day according to my mother's blueprint of acceptability.  It's so weird, I haven't lived with her for thirty years but I still feel that the house being untidy, me not being dressed, any job not being done and prioritising 'me' time over anything else is wrong.  It's one of the reasons I quite often don't get anything done.  I've not done it the right way, so I end up not doing anything at all.  It's weird, I know it doesn't make any sense and in my mind I don't see it that way but the feeling is there.  It's very odd.  It will probably go now that I've noticed it, it usually does.  I have just done yoga, mid morning.  This counts as wrong :)  I felt better within minutes of starting, it's such a good way for me to calm my central nervous system.  I'm going to keep challenging myself, I think.  It's good to notice these things, see they make no sense and then push them aside.

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #737 on: September 17, 2020, 11:48:29 AM »
Tupp, what you've been doing in your recent meditations is really inspiring to me. Beautiful, humane, calming, big-universe-perspective. Wow. I really am inspired by this. To me it seems as though you've gotten whole enough to actually go directly to visualizations that tackle fear at its root. Love and fear had a fight and love won. (Not contact, but love and calm in the mind, which is most empowering, I believe.) Anger helps us survive necessary present primal fights, but in so many of us it gets stuck inside us long-term like a tire spinning in mud.

Only the kind of depth and curiosity you have releases that. And what you are doing within yourself is just that. WOW.

It's wonderful, wonderful that you are replacing your pitiful mother's blueprint of acceptability with your own! That's another DIRECT encounter with a twisted thought and once you see it for what it is, you win another piece of yourself and your wholeness.

I hope you WALLOW in self-care like a happy baby rhino in mud. Daily. I hope it begins to  make you see yourself as a happy, safe animal that doesn't even know HOW to make itself feel guilty or driven by critical voices.

I definitely have mud on the mind today. Hmmmm. Doesn't look like rain....

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #738 on: September 17, 2020, 11:55:54 AM »
Tupp, what you've been doing in your recent meditations is really inspiring to me. Beautiful, humane, calming, big-universe-perspective. Wow. I really am inspired by this. To me it seems as though you've gotten whole enough to actually go directly to visualizations that tackle fear at its root. Love and fear had a fight and love won. (Not contact, but love and calm in the mind, which is most empowering, I believe.) Anger helps us survive necessary present primal fights, but in so many of us it gets stuck inside us long-term like a tire spinning in mud.

Only the kind of depth and curiosity you have releases that. And what you are doing within yourself is just that. WOW.

It's wonderful, wonderful that you are replacing your pitiful mother's blueprint of acceptability with your own! That's another DIRECT encounter with a twisted thought and once you see it for what it is, you win another piece of yourself and your wholeness.

I hope you WALLOW in self-care like a happy baby rhino in mud. Daily. I hope it begins to  make you see yourself as a happy, safe animal that doesn't even know HOW to make itself feel guilty or driven by critical voices.

I definitely have mud on the mind today. Hmmmm. Doesn't look like rain....

hugs
Hops

Ha ha, Hopsie, I look like a baby rhino at the moment, it's all the biscuits!  Lol.  It is interesting how those patterns are just in there, so deeply entrenched, and I didn't really notice it before.  The meditations are really helping - there's just something about this particular lady's voice and the way she says things that is kind of working for me.  They feel quite intense at times but I'm feeling that's a good thing.  I did like feeling like my mum was helping me and looking after me, even knowing it wasn't true!  I read an article about placebo the other day and apparently a study has shown that placebos can work even when you know it's a placebo.  That was interesting - your brain knows it's only a sugar pill but it still makes you feel better anyway.  I feel like that with those visualisations - I know it's pretend but it still felt so soothing and comforting.  It's funny what your mind can do.

Yes to self care!  Whichever forms it takes.  Son and I spent a good hour this afternoon litter picking around our estate - dirty, smelly work and it's hot today but it felt good!  Even doing grubby things feels good lol xx

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #739 on: September 17, 2020, 12:06:21 PM »
The hippies at the commune we go to for Dance Church are posting pictures of all of them lounging in the pool they've built during the lockdown!  We might have to move there after all lol

Hopalong

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #740 on: September 17, 2020, 02:29:18 PM »
Happy hippies. :)

Quote
placebos can work even when you know it's a placebo.  That was interesting - your brain knows it's only a sugar pill but it still makes you feel better anyway.

When I read a book on self-hypnosis (or guided) all the explanations boiled down to this. Hypnosis creates an ACTUAL EXPERIENCE, it's just a mental one. For me it was incredibly powerful and life-changing.

I believe entirely that it can work for anxiety, procrastination, all sorts of things. The old paperback is still available on Amazon: The Wisdom of Your Subconscious Mind.

What shocked me most was how obvious it was that despite my stress, depression, terrors....my deep mind has a POWERFUL drive to heal, and help me become more whole and more happy. It was clear, experientially not theoretically, that self-love and the Drive to ThriveTM live in the deep brain and can motivate tremendous change.

Placebo is real because the experience is made real by the brain and body.

hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: September 18, 2020, 08:14:03 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Twoapenny

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Re: What's New for 2020?
« Reply #741 on: September 19, 2020, 08:42:18 AM »
Happy hippies. :)

Quote
placebos can work even when you know it's a placebo.  That was interesting - your brain knows it's only a sugar pill but it still makes you feel better anyway.

When I read a book on self-hypnosis (or guided) all the explanations boiled down to this. Hypnosis creates an ACTUAL EXPERIENCE, it's just a mental one. For me it was incredibly powerful and life-changing.

I believe entirely that it can work for anxiety, procrastination, all sorts of things. The old paperback is still available on Amazon: The Wisdom of Your Subconscious Mind.

What shocked me most was how obvious it was that despite my stress, depression, terrors....my deep mind has a POWERFUL drive to heal, and help me become more whole and more happy. It was clear, experientially not theoretically, that self-love and the Drive to ThriveTM live in the deep brain and can motivate tremendous change.

Placebo is real because the experience is made real by the brain and body.

hugs
Hops

I think that drive to heal is very present in me as well, Hopsie, and perhaps has always been there.  I do find it difficult to understand when people don't have the same need but I guess we're all different.  I'm just grateful to have found this place to be able to discuss all the healing stuff with all of you :) xx