Getting caught up on sleep and resting and playing with both kitties (Freddy's pride is injured that I brought another cat into the house).
Going out today to resupply the kinds of food I eat - since the kids have transferred most of their stuff to the hut and have plenty left over from the weekend's camping gathering of Hol friends.
I have to start setting up to run the woodstove. Weekend temps are looking more like Halloween or November than September.... and I still have some herbs to get in the ground - they're looking pretty rough now, as is. Need to set up to finish wall... and catch up with my "spring clean up" that I didn't do. And I JUST. DON'T. FEEL. LIKE. IT. Still.
Hol continues to drop in and chat over coffee or get a better cell signal. But she's starting to sound like me, about my tools & kitchen... and the usual suspect is the reason why. Her friends who came to visit also got on her nerves this time for the same reasons - I guess she should've enjoyed her pristine house for a few weeks on her own before inviting people who can't be expected to know how to care for things or treat hers like their own to spend a weekend.
Buck is busy purging the stuff he's kept for 20-30 years, and didn't even remember he had... before preparing for the next load up here. And dealing with more med stuff... now the stimulator is trying to exit his body; again, looking as tho it wasn't properly secured in a pocket during the last surgery. It's coming to the surface through his skin. It doesn't help he doesn't have much body fat - just muscle and skin. He figures 45 days before it becomes enough of a "crisis" that the hospital will have to do something. He's waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office as it is, after showing the T, the pic of the situation. And no, the Navy still hasn't processed his retirement paperwork (expected no sooner than October) ...
I'm glad I finally decided to just stop obsessing on a specific date when he'd be back/finally moved in. Otherwise I'd be totally nutz by now. Just continuing on with the stuff I know I need to do. Tired of waiting for Hol, too. So... now I'm just dealing with me again and I'm finding out just how many levels of exhaustion exist in attempting to cope with other people around me... expecting my time, attention, compassion, help, caring, and keeping entertained... so as to not go nutz themselves.
Hol was the big one. EVERY time, I tried to just have some down time to relax... there she was again; needing... and taking it poorly that I just wasn't overly engaged. Handle your own shit, kid... the consequences of your choices, your own frustrations, etc ad nauseum... NOT. MY. PROBLEM. Why are you talking to me - and then not liking what I have to say, again?? Go away, kid, ya bother me. (W.C. Fields)
And that boys & girls... is why mom built you your own house. NOW GO HOME. LOLOLOLOLOL.
I'm only now beginning to feel like my nerves are calming down. Living with her - and her crisis mentality (catastrophizing PLUS imagining what-ifs and "all the things") - was taking a bigger toll on me than I realized. Yes, I'm a verbal processer too... but I talk to my SELF, and don't NEED others in the processing... LOLOLOL. Not all our interactions were like that. Some real positive ones, and reciprocal giving back too.
But it's finallly stopped LONG ENOUGH for me to see what it was doing to me. It's not that she's toxic for me, per se (she CAN BE if my guard isn't up; is working hard not to be... and is just as difficult in her overcompensation that way). She's just EXHAUSTING, energy-wise.
Today looks like it might be another "Hi, I'm back day...". She was here for coffee & to grab a few things to move this morning and has been texting coordination info back & forth...
NO WONDER I've been redoing my room and setting up a private patio... where I can hide again. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.