I thought I'd cut and paste Hopsie's group discussion topic from her 'On A Break' thread and put it here as it was Pandemic related. I've been pondering the questions over the last few days:
TOPIC: What Does it Mean to Me? Personal Lessons from the Pandemic
This is about glimpses of meaning that have arisen for us (individually) as a result of all this time alone and/or with changed lives, due to the pandemic.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
1) What have I learned from this experience that has surprised me?
2) What has been the "gift within the problem"? Discoveries, nuances large or small.
3) What has been the hardest part, and what will I ask for now in my life to help me heal from it?
My own thoughts at the moment are:
1) I've learnt that I don't actually crave lots of friends, business, places to go and people to see. I'd always thought I felt so very lonely because I didn't have enough in my life. Now I think it was because I had too much, but not of the right kind of thing. I've realised that one of the main things I struggle with is endless boredom. I find my own life boring (because so much of it has to revolve around son)
and I rarely get time to do anything that I enjoy doing (and don't find boring). So I don't often feel I have much to offer in a conversation, and I don't tend to find other people talking about their lives terribly interesting when that revolves around shopping, booking holidays and arguing with their husbands (and I'm not knocking that, I just don't find it all that interesting).
I've also been surprised by a lot of the people I know. A lot of them are left wing/New Age/bohemian/hippy types (pick whichever suits best but you get the gist), and generally all very love, peace and equality kind of people. I've been astonished how quickly the love, peace and unity went out of the window when keeping the elderly and disabled safe meant they couldn't go out and how many of them felt their needs should be prioritised over anyone who was at risk. I've heard some truly awful comments from some of them (not everyone, of course, but some really shocked me), and I think I became a bit disillusioned by the whole thing. That surprised me, I thought they'd all be reaching out to help and organising love ins on Facebook but the opposite's been true.
Son has surprised me with how quickly he adapted, how patient he's been with the whole situation and how well he got into the science of it all and wanted to learn more about viruses and vaccines in general.
2) The gift, I think, has been realising that I want a lot less of what I had before, not a lot more. Realising that son doesn't need dozens of groups to go to has been a help, as has seeing how much healthier and happier I feel when I'm not out all day and am not rushing about all the time. Having time to think, read, watch entire films/shows/box sets without falling asleep has been nice. I like that I've learnt more about science and feel like I understand my own health better now.
3) The hardest part - hmm. I think maybe realising how many years I've spent putting other people first instead of prioritising myself. That's become apparent with all of this staying in (and none of the people I've run round after calling to ask how we are). I think I've realised how many decisions I've made that haven't been about what I want or need, and I think I realised how little I value myself and what I do. That's been hard to acknowledge - I guess all the time at home means the usual distractions aren't there and I can't hide behind things. I guess the lesson to learn from that is to try really hard now to keep this sense of space and stillness and not get sucked back in to doing all the things I used to do. I think I need to try really hard not to expect things from people or events - just try more to take it as it comes and not read too much into things or dwell too much (I find not dwelling really hard but it's not healthy so I'm really trying to refocus my mind on other things). I'll add more if I can think of anything else! xx
