Captain's Log - 2024

[sKePTiKal]

Problem resolved; appt in a few weeks for the lead test. They traded out his case worker/liason and new one didn't have a clue what she was doing or what her job description included. A call to DC/DOLabor fixed that. All she had to do was call the doc's office & explain to insurance person what the approval code was and where it was located on the letter they sent 10/2.

I am mentally exhausted. Between trying to help B figure out what to do with his situation and Hol's usual level of drama (which is happily going away; she couldn't sustain it either) and various other parties... I feel steamrolled simply from the overstimulation of OPPs. And I don't know if I can change that, ya know?

It feels like I "should" be able to feel fine, and not be affected by what is going on around me - but it DOES involve me adjusting my schedule/activities to accommodate other's needs. None of it requires major effort or input; just that I'm really feeling out of balance in self-directed attention to MY "to-do's" and doing for others. Even had a message from sub-conconcious in a dream about saying DIRECTLY and BLUNTLY what I needed and letting the chips fall where they may.

And the results of me being so "other oriented" with my attention came home to roost yesterday, when I couldn't find the registration card for a jeep on the last day to get it inspected. Easily rectified in the local tax office but when I tried to leave to go do that, the dang jeep wouldn't start!!!! (Not Rudi; it was Fenris; fortunately we were at the shop) But, when I got back, he took a look at brakes, and we need to swap pads on those. I remarked the day before (day long road trip for errands outside our usual territory) that the brakes felt soft. Fenris hasn't been driven much because B needs to fix a few things (that he hasn't gotten done while fixing OTHER things). We needed him the day before because cargo space was bigger; I was picking up a half of a cow in frozen meat for the winter.

I have not called the shop's new president for probably 4 months because I simply haven't had the time to have anything but the briefest conversation. Hoping to correct that today.

And I still have baby kitties!! Feisty one is getting named Luuuuuccyyyyy... LOL. Still working on a name for the shy one; might be Violet. I'm not looking forward to the mayhem that will ensue after introducing the girls to my 3 big boys. Still hoping someone needs barn cats... they're weaning themselves from formula now. They only get a bowl to share at night and are starting to leave a little in the bowl. They are good & lovey kitties - but they ARE still kittens.

I desperately need things to S L O W the hell down. At least I'm sleeping good, but I had to put my foot down and say I was NOT getting in a vehicle today, no way no how. I think I'll research just WHAT I can do with the two extremly large beef briskets I ordered... and that have totally filled all my freezer space. I'm thinking BBQ brisket, which once it's cooked and pulled, I can freeze. We'll have to do it on the grill - it's too big even for my oven!! Texas sized, I guess it is.

[Twoapenny]

I'm glad something is moving forward with B's situation, Skep, however slowly.  I completely sympathise with the mental overload situation.  I have just this week decided to distance myself from friends who are constantly in a state of 'something' because it makes me so tired it impacts on what I want to get done for myself.  So I do get it and I hope there is a period of peace coming your way.  The beef sounds like a good problem to solve lol

[Hopalong]

Exhausted, steamrolled, out of balance, desperate.

That'll do it, ((((Amber)))). I wonder if you fear saying what you need because it might result in a blowup or resistance with Hol or B? Or a feeling of guilt that you're not carrying the ENTIRE home world on your shoulders? (NTM business.)

Ai yi yi, you. I think you can speak up calmly and matter of factly about being presently burned out, so you're taking a day/week/month to do absolutely nothing extra or that you don't want to do. Or I hope so. No anger or self defense needed. (I'm guessing about how you might be feeling, forgive likely cluelessness....)

You're at the wheel of a very large and complicated steamship. But every good captain has to say "take the wheel" or change navigation regularly. It won't capsize.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

It comes & goes Hops. Usually the overwhelm doesn't last long. This week is better; calmer.

I solved my propane company issue. I have a buried tank that's leaking and Amerigas has been frittering away time since APRIL, about getting it fixed. So I signed up with a more local company. They'll be out next week to fix it (hopefully). Then I'll cancel the first company & let the new guys fill it. That's one thing off the list.

Studio is "done enough" that I can start working on my historical fashion project (a chemise)... and that will let me get the rest of my studio arranged & organized too.

New kitties are big enough to get first shots & flea/tick medicine... Lucy & Pickles are taking over the bedroom and got a guided tour of the rest of this floor yesterday. Next spring, they'll go into training to be indoor/outdoor kitties. Stinkers had to be rescued from his own orneriness: he'd tormented a skunk that was getting set to spray him. Stinks is now the biggest kitty; the one the vet said would "never be able to be outside" & I should just put him down. HA! Stinks climbs trees.

B's appts are set and nothing much to do between now and then; we'll run into town to do his labs.

Hol is settling into her part-time job & planning a mega-vacation for her birthday - Hawaii to visit friends who moved there and a week in Japan.

We picked up the half a cow and have managed to squeeze it all into freezers. It's GOOD beef. I haven't tried the sausage yet. Still clearing out a lot of junk from studio redo & waiting for the wind to die down enough to burn the mega amounts of cardboard. Then I have house projects to get back to.

Really wanting to settle into Rip Van Winkle time... by 7 oclock, it's full dark and feels like 10:30!! But getting awake at 5:30 then I have to wait for the sun to come up. It doesn't get over the ridge till 8 or so. The new seed catalogs should start arriving later this month, and I'll need another location to put them in or get some warming mats to go with my grow lights.

And I need to water & trim back my herbs in the next week or so.

[lighter]

Amber, the memory of growing seeds and gardens seems so far away.  Like an entire world away.  I'm surprised you're diving back in, but glad you can.

Continued prayers for B's health care journey 🙏

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

A lot of the market farms start tomatoes the week after Christmas, Lighter. The start seedlings indoors then transplant into heated high tunnels.

[Hopalong]

My indoor winter gardening goal is to not murder the cyclamen.
It really is a very forgiving plant but deserves a bigger pot.

And the blooms amaze me!

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I'm overwintering two porch geraniums, Hops. Bright red is cheery inside this time of year. And I finally got parsley to thrive in a pot, too. So good to have fresh for chicken & dumplins!

Speaking of which, I need to make preps for dinner plans. (Whatever that turns out to be.)

Slow day today. Which suits me fine. End of the week gets a little busy again. Not sure what all I might get up to, today. Might depend on what Hol's situation is. Her friend C has been here, working on computer stuff again. Cooking for her, too. She goes for the 2nd half of dental surgery mid-week, so C might hang around to pamper her again. In which case, I don't have to dogsit for a day. New propane company will come fix my leaky tank, and hopefully fill it; and then B has to run in for labs for the stimulator lead test, the following week. I need to check in at the shop; I've been AWOL for months now - just no brain space for it. Instead, my Bro has been stopping by more frequently. But things are going well there, under new Prez. I'll need to talk to the older one, to see how he's adjusting too.

I soon have to give the kittens even more space to terrorize; they're outgrowing the bedroom too. They need to run & play & explore & make peace with the 3 big boys. There is a definite pecking order between the boys and Freddie remains firmly in charge despite Stinks becoming the biggest cat. No idea how they'll react to have two little girls around... and they'll need shots soon and prep for their spay.

[Hopalong]

Ooo, good reminder! I love the smell of geraniums.

Sounds like you are back in gear, true Amazons.
Hope you've shifted down ONE gear, though, just
to keep well.

Swirling world.

hugs (and dental sympathies to Hol),
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

I find just naming the thing I'm struggling with, shortens it's duration (most of the time). Yeah, the winds still swirl & buffet - but I don't have to succumb to it. Make some personal choices, find some quiet time, tackle one task to the end... the toolbox to handle it, is varied. Sometimes, I just escape into a book or movie - but I don't beat myself up over it. That's just shifting from active mode to passive - and it does provide some actual rest.

It all works. I seriously need my hermit time. I don't feel like I'm missing out socially.

[sKePTiKal]

Fingers & toes crosses, candles lit, a few pulses of good thoughts throughout the day would be most appreciated! This morning is B's change of stimulator leads location. If we make it a week without side effects, the actual change may be approved/ordered/etc.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, that didn't go well at all. After 90 minutes I had to leave the building for fresh air. On my way back in, B was wobbling out with a name of orthopedic surgeon he was getting referred to. Has a couple bandages where doc TRIED to cut thru the scar tissue. Not possible for him.

Ortho surgeon is way the hell in Manassas/Fredericksburg. Has a good reputation but I despise that area and no longer drive into that mess. There are closer docs in WMC in the city over the mountain. I'll be calling them first, with a stack o' questions about insurance and first available appt for a consult as we explain the situation. Maybe today - but I have a new propane company here (local guys) fixing my leaky tank. If not, then Monday.

B was asleep by 2; and basically slept till some time on Wed. Whatever sedative they gave him didn't sit well. Followed by the usual migraine. So we're discussing next steps. He's in a better mood today and I made comfort food last night.

Might have more friends around Thanksgiving week. The excavator friend of Hol's who's been here a lot recently got custody of his son via a CPS investigation of his ex-wife. Logan is 5. Been through a LOT already. Friend will want to work, and Hol & I will entertain the little boy. And of course, B is around. So menu is on my mind, including baking. Bread & cookies, as well as pies. They won't be visiting family, as far as we've heard to date. And it's still possible Amy's young men - my grandsons - could arrive for a visit too. Good chance to get one of those briskets cut up & cooked.

Dreamed it had snowed, too.

SO life is just a combo of everything these days.

[Twoapenny]

Well, that didn't go well at all. After 90 minutes I had to leave the building for fresh air. On my way back in, B was wobbling out with a name of orthopedic surgeon he was getting referred to. Has a couple bandages where doc TRIED to cut thru the scar tissue. Not possible for him.

Ortho surgeon is way the hell in Manassas/Fredericksburg. Has a good reputation but I despise that area and no longer drive into that mess. There are closer docs in WMC in the city over the mountain. I'll be calling them first, with a stack o' questions about insurance and first available appt for a consult as we explain the situation. Maybe today - but I have a new propane company here (local guys) fixing my leaky tank. If not, then Monday.

B was asleep by 2; and basically slept till some time on Wed. Whatever sedative they gave him didn't sit well. Followed by the usual migraine. So we're discussing next steps. He's in a better mood today and I made comfort food last night.

Might have more friends around Thanksgiving week. The excavator friend of Hol's who's been here a lot recently got custody of his son via a CPS investigation of his ex-wife. Logan is 5. Been through a LOT already. Friend will want to work, and Hol & I will entertain the little boy. And of course, B is around. So menu is on my mind, including baking. Bread & cookies, as well as pies. They won't be visiting family, as far as we've heard to date. And it's still possible Amy's young men - my grandsons - could arrive for a visit too. Good chance to get one of those briskets cut up & cooked.

Dreamed it had snowed, too.

SO life is just a combo of everything these days.

Skep, I'm so sorry you've had yet another set back with this.  It's so dispiriting and debilitating, you must both be exhausted from it all, not least from having to keep coming up with a new plan each time.  I hope there is a doctor closer to home, the stress of travelling to places that are either further away or a nightmare to get to (or both!) just adds to the frustration.  I'm frustrated for you, although glad for B that he has you there for him.  Must be a comfort to him not to have to do this alone, although exhausting for you to keep managing it all on top of everything else.  He sounds like he's worth it, though

I hope your Thanksgiving week is a good one.  Kind of need Holly to date a surgeon or something, that might help   Kidding, of course, but it would be nice if something just happened and even if an absolute solution wasn't perfect, at least when the situation is stable you can build your coping strategies around it and make it part of day to day life, instead of having the constant disruption all the time x

[sKePTiKal]

Thanks Tupp. It is a lot to deal with and it's way better that he has me to help, now. His mindset always reverts back to past (horrific) experiences... and I can be more objective.

As a consolation, he had a late lunch of liver & onions yesterday and ordered another plate to-go for today.

What I really wish, is that there was a better understanding of the neuro differences that cause pain to be felt subjectively... and better pain palliatives to match that subjectivity. (I don't want much but the moon, ya know?)

Today's challenge is researching Hol's off grid solar system. Her genny was on/off every 10 mins last night because yesterday was so overcast. Thinks she needs new batteries.

[lighter]

I'm so sorry roadblocks consistently require detour after detour and off road roughing it, for B, Amber.🥺

Lighter