Author Topic: Anything  (Read 397441 times)

Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1890 on: December 07, 2022, 09:09:15 AM »
I think the only thing possible is to focus on identifying this disorder in others and avoid those people. Or if it's essential to interact, make huge sustained effort to train yourself to not react or to under-react to the cruel or frustrating or unfair things they do, for the sake of your own health.
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1891 on: December 11, 2022, 11:16:40 AM »
I've had very long cycles of this and am also often circadianly upside down, Mouse. I can relate. Everybody's got their own path through--I hope you find relief.

The rest of this isn't advice, just me nattering about myself (as usual). I just wind myself down as best I can. The recent more regular exercise is really helping, and the SAD light every morning first thing, up to an hour. I had been so sedentary for so long I forgot the benefits of being physically tired. Duh.

I'm not on anti-anxiety meds but have benzos on hand for anxiety if need be. Haaven't opened the bottle but it's a reassurance to know it's there. I don't help myself with screen time but if I switch to an anodyne or benign film or listen to StoryCorps, that helps the worry cycle not start up. https://storycorps.org/ I've never gotten into podcasts because I don't have the right bedside setup, but I should. Meditation things, for example.

I'm getting better about doomscrolling, not consuming as much scary/negative stuff online. I still read news in the AMs but for less long, and not late at night mostly.
I have caffeine, two cups tea in the mornings. Then I'm cut off or I'd never sleep.

Hope it eases, Mouse. I know what hell worry can be.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1892 on: January 11, 2023, 01:20:28 AM »
"Anything" seems like a good place to put some good words I just came across:

In The Art of Holding Space: a practice of love, liberation, and leadership, author Heather Plett writes, “Holding Space is what we do when we walk alongside a person or group on a journey through liminal space. We do this without making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. We open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control. At the heart of holding space is a willingness to sit with ambiguity, loss, struggle, darkness, uncertainty, joy, anger, fear, anticipation — all of the complexity of what it means to be human.”
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1893 on: January 11, 2023, 01:22:28 PM »
That was a very timely post, Hops!

Thank you!!

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Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1894 on: January 11, 2023, 02:19:34 PM »
Hugs.

I'm not often good at holding space (wearing my waders and CoD Nurse Hops outfit) so those words got to me. In a GOOD way!

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1895 on: January 17, 2023, 07:53:45 AM »
Sometimes one sees a woman's girlhood, youth and long years of her maturity up to the verge of old age all spent in tending, obeying, caressing, and perhaps supporting, a maternal vampire who can never be caressed and obeyed enough. The sacrifice--but there are two opinions about that--may be beautiful; the old woman who exacts it is not.
- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1896 on: January 17, 2023, 02:31:39 PM »
That felt like a hot squirt of sucker punch to the gut....to read.....Hops.

Made me sad.
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Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1897 on: January 18, 2023, 01:03:37 AM »
I guess it struck me as validating, as a female child of an Nmom. Especially since it was written by a renowned Xian. Getting a bit of empathy there>

My situation wasn't as extreme as he describes, maybe, but I always feel better when something's written. Guides truth through my ears and ears, I think.

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Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Meh

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1898 on: June 02, 2023, 03:19:16 AM »

The Kensington System, somewhat interesting, of course these people are unusual and have unusual lives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kensington_System

Hopalong

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1899 on: June 02, 2023, 08:17:25 AM »
That was fascinating!

Thanks.

Hops
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lighter

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1900 on: June 02, 2023, 03:41:30 PM »


I saw a couple of th TV Series, M. 
Watching Victoria turn her justified anger into acceptance, then action.....
 swinging the pendulum wildly in the opposite intended direction.... 
was deeply satisfying on so many levels.  Esp for that time in history when women had no rights. 


You'd think the mum would see possible negative consequences of her "System", but nope. She couldn't do it.  Even at the expense of losing Victoria AND all control over her.
 Just couldn't do it. 

V had pretty good instincts for identifying supportive aliances and relationships, thank goodness. Her anger likely wouldn't have gotten her so far. 
 
Thanks for posting this.
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Meh

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1901 on: August 07, 2023, 12:13:48 PM »
"Former Toronto Principal Bullied By Equity Consultants For His ‘Whiteness’ Commits Suicide, Leaves Family and Friends ‘Reeling’"

Richard Bilkszto, a former principal with the Toronto District School Board (TDSB), died by suicide last week in a tragic act that came after he was subjected to racist bullying by diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) consultants hired by the school district.

https://www.nationalreview.com/news/former-toronto-principal-bullied-by-equity-consultants-for-his-whiteness-commits-suicide-leaves-family-and-friends-reeling/

"It’s a lesson that’s currently being learned by Toronto District School Board (TDSB). In April, principal Richard Bilkszto sued TDSB for its failure to defend him in an allegedly hostile DEI training session that took place in 2021, where it was insinuated that he was a white supremacist for defending Canada as a less-racist place than the United States. TDSB has since sued the company that gave the DEI training, the KOJO Institute, for negligence and for breaching contract — asking for damages in the amount it will need to pay Bilkszto if he wins."

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/principal-berated-for-white-supremacy-sues-tdsb-over-equity-training

https://nypost.com/2023/07/24/ex-canadian-principal-who-sued-board-for-bullying-during-anti-racism-training-dies-by-suicide/

Meh

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1902 on: August 29, 2023, 02:47:22 PM »

If only she could be sued for causing life-long anxiety and life-long depression. Because there is never any fairness for what happens. There is never any compensation for the damage they do. There should be a law which makes it possible and easier for people to sue parents, the damage they CREATE is invisible but also it becomes tangible as well.

https://thelawdictionary.org/article/how-to-sue-for-mental-abuse/

"The key to successfully suing a mental abuser is finding sufficient evidence. In these cases, evidence can include medical records and the records maintained by a therapist or other counselor. Documents showing missed days at work may also be helpful. Essentially, anything that ties the victim’s emotional or physical injuries back to the abuser can be used as evidence."

I do have dental problems left over from my childhood when my bitch of a mother made bad decisions about my healthcare plan because she just didn't give a fuck. Can I sue her for that? No, probably not. I probably can't sue the cunt for anything.

Imagine getting sued by your daughter. It seems society doesn't think this should happen in general. But why not, there are plenty of STUPID lawsuits and one can't really say or believe that having a parent with a personality disorder is victimless. But even more so they seem to turn it off and on AT WILL. The narcissist's target.

People might be less likely to produce "meal-ticket" babies. Those offsping whose purpose was to give the parent some kind of financial benefit. If they thought there would be any real repercussion, well they'd have to find a different target to abuse.

I wish she would find a dog to abuse, you know cut out it's vocal cords so it can't bark. Stick it in a cage and kick it every once in a while. Because someone would find that ghastly apparently. But no, it's totally fine for parents to treat their offspring like shit.

My life is filled up with nothing but bullshit. Maybe I am mentally retarded. Perhaps I can sue for abuse of a retard.

lighter

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Re: Anything
« Reply #1903 on: September 03, 2023, 11:07:20 PM »
I don't know how to accept something as difficult as a toxic mother who's broken, can't be fixed and will never be the parent you deserved.

What I know is.....
the toxic people in my life took things from me I can never get back.  They're gone and I've learned how to stop regretting,mourning and wishing vengeance on them.

In the space they used to take up...... I'm free to choose what I give my attention to and that's better, IME.

Lighter