Narcissists roping you in again Why?

[helena]

hello,
I have juste realised that my mom is a narc and my sister has all her ife beiung loyal to her, my father is just mean, but I hope he will change. I think I have hed a happy life thanks to myself I have done a lot of travelling studied a lot in spite of the fact that my mother has done everything to ruin it. SHe made me go into a black whole when I was 24 it took me years of studying to get me back on the track but now I feel good but because of the black whole I turned into I have bot psycotic twice in my life. However I have a universityu degree as a language teacher and I like working with kids I have a boyfriend. My sister is a boss on an economic firm and she thinks she is much better than me. I now understand that my parents have educated us differently without me knowing until now. My mom really wants me to loose everything and my sister to have everything. I don't feel any hate because I just got a wonderful daughter and want her to be a princess. But my mom and sister between them is poisonous I can't speak of anything to them because I have understood that they tell each other everything now. My mom lied to me a couple of weeks and said that she has bad relatiosnips with everyone so I thought she doesn't speak to my sister than aftera ll. But now I understand that was just another lie to make me think that they didn't speak to each other so thatI would speak even more to her. BUt I know I can't speak of anything to her. For gift to my newborn daughter she bought something hjard in plastic. THey also get me nervous. Last week she wanted to invite me for a tea in town the whole time she picked her nose nervously and put her hands all over her face like whe was feeling really bad or something. May be she wanted to show me that she feels guilty over me having felt bad at times over her. I'm also lefthanded and a bit sensible. I know now that she doesn't have any feelings and she just acts. I really hate her and I know they hate me too but I need some help with my newborn child as my boyfriend is away working on a boat. I told her two weeks ago on the phone that she was a narcissistic old bitch. SO she found out that I know she is narcissisitc. But now it's like she and my sister wants it to be the other way around that I am narcissisitc I know that I'm not. I was seeing a privat counceler a few years ago and she told me that my mother was a so called narcissistic but than I stoped seeing this counceler and I never thought about it until recently when I told someone she was a narc and now I looked on the internet and everything fits on her. SHe is never satisfied she has a house threee grandchildren two girls ok her husband is a bit boring but they have quite a lot of money. SHe could do a lot of nice things. I don't have a lot of money but I do all these funny things. I took a course in spanish last trimester it was really funny now I just found out she will start a course in english this trimester. Just to show me that she can too. She always does things for self-winning. I never bully and speaks badly about people she does that all the time and she bullies me too always when nobody sees. I would like her to start care and have feelings. I am so disappointed that all my life I didn't realised it until now and I think my sister has known it for a long time but she hasn't told me so I am the last to know. THey think that teacher was too fine a job for me. I now understand why my sister was so yealous for me. THey want me to be a failure and my sister to success in her life just to say that I have always been a problem. And it is the oppossite I was always very clever in school I can learn quite easy but my mother have done all things possible to hide me. Everything I got I have got by myself by hardworking and now she thinks that she can ruin it just because the truth has come up and I have this wonderful daughter and need some help from them. WHat on earth shall I do to make her stop is it poissible for a narcissitic woman to want to cure herself. I take good care of myself and I would like her to do the same and recognise her fautls instead of putting everything on me. I kind of like myself through hardwork and a caring boyfriend. But she wants me to fail all the time.

someone who has learned the hard way.....             

[2224Jessica]

Hi Helena,
I've only just recently found out my mums a narc because I was in denial about it. Untill recently all of us siblngs tried to gain approval over the other. It's possible your sister has become a narc however its probable that she is an enabler and she likes the feeling  of being top dog with your mother... My mother raised us to please her and the best person that she is happiest with is the one that gives her the best supply.
Your mum sounds alot like mine. It's very likely that she will never acknowledge your acheivements because she is incapable of appreciating other people. The thought that you have succeeded above her is something she doesn't want to face because she thinks she's superior and everyone else is inferior. She can only see the wants and desires of her own... My mother is not maternal whatsoever and she will charm the socks off anyone who is willing to abide by her rules... I was the "naughty" one because I use to stand up for my rights alot.
My mother tried to turn my sister and I against each other and she still tries to. I really feel for you because it's sounds horrible to have your sister against you aswell as dealing with the painful reality of a narcissist parent. I could be wrong but I think your sister probably is insecure and is jealous of you so she relies on your mum to make her feel like she is worthy. Your mum's worse fear is probably that you and your sister are friends and both see the truth about her. My sister and I are almost in that place and I can tell you mum is probably shaking in her boots... Rememeber you are the lucky one, you see the truth, you believe in yourself, you are no longer under her spell, you have a beautiful daughter. Your sister is trapped.
My kids don't have support from my parents either, it's very hard raising kids without support.
You are definately on the right track Helena, stick to what you believe and go forward.
Your mother will probably never change and it's a hard reality trust me I know but she is incapable of having feelings like a normal person. I have personally found it easier to cut my parents off to move on but if she did turn around and was sincerly sorry for all the wrong she caused me I would take her back in a heartbeat. However thats a fantasy I can't rely on and therefore can only concentrate on how to move on. Your mum and sister will be puzzled and horrified when you get to the place you can look back on them and pity them because they have no idea what they are missing out on in life..
Anyway Helena I'm sorry if I come across harsh, I really think you are a lovely person and that you don't deserve what they are doing to you.
Jessica

[Surrounded]

Sisters.....I can relate to you guys.  Moms too.  And (Dad) enablers.  OOOOH they tick me off!   I want to scream at them and tell them what jerks I think they all are.   But they will just use that against me won' t they.  It is very frustrating, isn't it?

My only sister, who is an N, has recently told me that the only thing we ever talk about is our parents and how annoying they are and...don't you have friends you can talk to?.  I am not a good enough fighter to have thought to say....

Well, I simply thought that the ONLY person on this planet who could relate to me might be willing to listen. (she being the only other female/daughter of those two people).  At least to verify what I think I saw and heard and felt so I don't wonder if I am crazy or being unfair.
 
But nope, she was the target of the bully (mom) for many years and considers herself healed now cause she kisses parents bums and tells them what I have said about them.   She is really enjoying turning the tables on me now cause up until recently I have been the one stupid enough to be at least nice to them and make myself crazy trying to live up to their expectations.   

Guess I can't blame her, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to her anymore.  She certainly isn't the ally I thought she would be.   Not sure who is more evil, mom or sis, but one thing is for sure, I know I need to stay away from ALL of them.  Haven't spoken to any family for about 6 months now, and it causes me guilt, but also brings me peace.  Both are true.

  I know they are desperately trying to turn the rest of the family against me, but I gotta let that go too.  It's a fight I won't win.  And one I simply don't care to anymore.  I guess you gotta get to that point.  At least you see it for what it is.  It took me a long time to see things clearly.  And then time to stand up for myself.  But it feels good.  It's a good thing.  Hang in there.