Hi everyone,
Thankyou so much for your replies. This has been probably more difficult to deal with than my nmum. Your replies have all been wonderful as I feel so much support here. I feel like I'm going crazy with my family. I can't believe who they are. I have been struggling with this issue and it's painful to think of the effects its done to him. The more I am healing and understanding the control my mum had on me, other things seem to pop up out of the woodwork. It's like I can see clearly. I don't know where she got this behavoiur from because my mum never exposed herself or did this kind of abuse but she did control. I can't conceive how a mother(my sister) could do this. I have been thinking that I wanted her to be ok and that I had someone but in the process I saw a monster side to her.
Movinon, you are fine with your response. I really feel for your situation, you more than understand this situation. Your response was coming from a compassionate loving person and you are right, I need to help him NOW. My mother didn't do anything about the person who sexually abused my brother. In fact acted like it didn't happen. You are definately not judging me and thankyou for your response, I needed to hear what you said more than you know.
Hopalong, you are so right she is really damaged. She got alot more damaged than me I came 8 years later. On the outside people have either sensed a dark side (a few people had said this) to her or fall in love with her outgoing nature. I can't seem to work her out but she is extremely fragile. But selfish to put her own needs first. I reckon she thinks all males like this attention. She doesn't value herself so she can't value her kids.
Write, I'm not sure what to do. Yeah she is immature. She doesn't seem to respect herself too. She plays a victim alot. Part of me wants to believe I can reach her. She's not an N I don't think because she doesn't think shes superior she's always saying the opposite about herself. When I look at her I see a little girl who got lost and never grew up.
Portia, I'm not sure how far she has crossed boundaries, but he's not a happy boy and he's always going out of his way to please adults and get approval. I don't know what result would be acheived from reporting it as I'm not sure what they could do. Although once he hits puberty things could go from bad to worse. My thoughts before this post was to either get someone to talk to him about it or I would or my husband. He gets along well with him.
My sister I think does have phychological problems and is extremely insecure and not emotionally mature enough to be a proper parent to him. Although she was put as role as parent to my nparents. Even though she manipulates, she's not a strong person, she hardly gets angry, she's nonconfrontal, avoidant, crumbles easily. I agree he needs help fast. What do you think of this: I think getting someone like a school counselor would be better for him to talk through this. I will research the effects of what she is doing, print it out, tell her I will not let her continue to allow him no rights over the right to have privacy, repect,a right to say no and I'm going to see to it that he has his rights. I will be on her back. Also I will tell her she needs to sort out her issues fast and her behavour towards him is disgusting and she is wrong to think that he wants that. in fact she is destroying him. I will tell her that children have rights and rights to their own bodies they don't want to be touched and treated that way and if she can't respect that I have no choice but to report her behaviour. I will tell her to to go get help for herself. I will be respectful towards her as I talk to her. I think her response to this will be a decider about what I'll do next.
Back up plan, if she disregards what I say will be war and the best person that will help this case is her mother in Law. She is a passionate woman and will make her life a living hell if I was to tell her what she's doing to her grandson. When my sister had an affair, she gave her hell for doing this. She will go to the ends of the earth to stop this treatment.
What do you think, I feel out of my depth but I want my nephew to be happy and heal.
Thanks everyone again for your support
Jessica
