Living with Bipolar

[write]

write   my meds are great right now. i do not see meds as a big deal .i am in the us. well meds are big deal .i do not fight the idea. they are a tool and the results along with therapy and pals like you are big .yes indeedy
biggy help. i can not believe i told everyone my big bad secret. i have bipolar 1.doesn't seem so shameful  now does it ? oh write i do have the problems with sleep sometimes, lucky i like Tolstoy. his novels
go on forever.ha ha but i am a wreck the next day. what can you do.i  just thank goodness i do not do rapid cycling thats rough. i have sailed on Saturn's rings but its not worth the down time. ya know
triggers are  deliberate cruelty. manipulation,  BS  but i can not seem to detect it till its over and then i am mad and can not do any thing to have stop it.
moonlight

Yes, I remember when I wouldn't accept the diagnosis- I don't know what I thought would happen if people knew. Basically nothing has changed except it's become easier to explain some aspects of my life and behaviour!

But mental illness still has its taboos.


the devil doesn't belong tormenting people, any more than mental or psychological illness should have the right to hurt them.  That goes for N's and bullies...nobody has the right to victimize another person, period.  Since I've seen devils...real ones, and I know that they don't belong bothering people, I delight in making them leave them alone in the name of Jesus.

I am currently on Topomax.  I'm not getting off the meds at the moment.  I was saying that some day I would love to be healed so that I would not have to take meds, because I do not have as much creative ability as I used to without the meds.

~ReallyME

Bipolar is a like so many other things in life a gift as well as a nightmare.
So many of us are energetic and creative.

It must have been hard for people to manage in the days before complete understanding and drugs.

Haven't heard of Topomax, does it have side-effects?

[moonlight52]

write   what a shock it was those words bipolar .after a life of my n dad calling me every name in the book .crazy being his favorite word.
i still was in shock .my dear hubby said ahhh i knew when i met ya hon.not that he knew that i was bipolar but lets say very artisy. its OK lets just do what we need to do to make things easier for all of us.he likes me and loves me. this is good.mental illness (that is hard to type)still has taboos. yes but we are not burnt at the stake right.we have come a long way from the middle ages in our views and medical know how.
i have known the gifts of bipolar disorder. i have used the energy for my art. i have spent 4 hours painting the wings of an angel on canvas in oils .could not stop .then the nightmare time when i drove my self to the emergency hospital ran in hid under a table cause i thought my dad was going to hurt me .good old dad was not there but the fear was  .that was over 20 years ago. nothing that scary ever happen since .knock on wood.
write i take topomax,trileptal,clonazepam for sleep  seems to help me i think this is a little like what normal people feel like
but i really can not say lets say i am told by people that really love me i am doing good.
moon

[Hopalong]

Moon,
I am very moved by your description.
How could anyone burn a sprite at the stake?
Your H sounds like such a good, loving man.
You are lucky to have him and he is very lucky to have you too.

I salute your bravery and spirit. It must have been hell before you got the right help.
(And you've made angels out of it.)

Hops

[write]

I must read up on Topomax, don't recall it being in my list of treatment options.
Saying that, I didn't get too far with drug therapy when my wonderful psychiatrist gave me the info handouts she had prepared for each drug! An illness we don't know the cause or the immediate pathology, oh and here's some treatments and we don't know how they work either...talk about leap of faith!

Your father sadly was/is a fool.
Have you had some therapy to deal with the aftermath of him?

My father has not been abusive except he was neglectful of us as kids, and treats us as servants if he can get away with it as a dults, but he has never seen the gifts of me or my illness.

lets say i am told by people that really love me i am doing good.

then you're doing good!

[moonlight52]

hi write     I have been seeing shrinks for years.But just got the diagnosis of Bipolar last year and a half.Dads who he is, I know some where in there it must hurt him.I can not help him.He did everything to stop me from getting help.He came to my house when he found out about my meds and dumped them into the toilet once.My hubby had to put a stop to that .My dad did write weird letters to my shrink.I put a stop to that.I do not feel afraid of him now.
hey Write no side effects from the topomax
there is a balance -the depth of suffering of the soul makes for the heights of the joy the soul experience as well. 
thank you
moon

[reallyME]

Topamax is very low in side-effects

Question to moon...why do we call psychiatrists "shrinks?"  I always wondered that.

Bipolar is a very crazy, annoying illness, and the quieted mind that comes from taking meds is a good thing, although, as I've said, one day I pray that I will no longer need meds for it.

~ReallyME

[moonlight52]

hi reallyme  ,  I call them shrinks because I have been going since I was 23. I am 52 and thats what i called them when i was 23.The doctor I have now I see is a medical doctor as well .PHD from Vienna Austria .
                   maybe I call them shrinks  because I hope they will shrink my problems.I do not feel annoyed by Bipolar .Its  just now with the with the meds I do not have the mood
                   swings,which is great.So I thank goodness for the doctors finding out what was going on with me because the meds are working so well for me. Of course I have done some major life long  talk
                   therapy.Some times I still take offense when none was meant by others that comes from being hurt a lot when i was a kid I think we all can relate and see that about each other here on the board .
                   WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DO NOT WANT TO STEP ON ANYONES TOES BUT I TRY REAL HARD NOT TO BUT STILL I MAYBE DO.
                   moonlight

[write]

oh I do this rapid-cycling thing which is how I come to medicate via sleep- sometimes there's nothing I can do but get myself to bed. At it's worst I use clonazepam as well and usually sleep for 24 or 48 hours, just get up for an hour or two.

I have completely adapted my life for it though, to work around it, and to avoid the triggers.

Some of the triggers, like driving and waiting around it took me years to work out why I got so agitated for appointments for example- a long drive followed by waiting around! I'd be pacing up and down. I try to keep appointments close to home now, or get someone to drive me if I'm at all manic to start with, and I have it fixed in my mind if there's waiting a task I take with me, correspondence etc.

What an awful thing for your father to do, throw your meds away, write to your dr.
How controlling is that.
Maybe he has an illness himself?

WHAT DO YOU THINK? I DO NOT WANT TO STEP ON ANYONES TOES BUT I TRY REAL HARD NOT TO BUT STILL I MAYBE DO.

not surprising you feel like that when your father has been so critical and abusive. It will take you a while to feel better about speaking your mind and not worrying what people will do or think.

Now I know it's nothing to fear, and I have the tools and strategies to cope with it I can enjoy being bipolar. It conveys many gifts, and the way my mind works I am never at a loss for creative ideas and abilities.

It's nothing to be ashamed or afraid of now.

[reallyME]

I'll tell ya what I think


I am GRATEFUL for all of you and for this message board and for God who brought us all here to have a free VOICE to be who we ARE!  Praise be to HIM!  That's what I think

~ReallyME

[moonlight52]

write My doctor did try alot of other drugs on me before we got the right ones .Some of them made me break out in hives. We stopped
that one right away and another one made me itchy.We stopped that one. But those are the only side effects I can think of right now and i can not remember the names of them .
Also I want to say I have had short periods of times when i have experianced rapid cycles but this is rare for me I do understand the
experiance Write
moonlight

[moonlight52]

heeeeeeeeeeeeey   Write   
Let't see Bipoar is nothing to be ashamed of ,I like that.
I can enjoy being Bipolar (this one seems easier than the one above)
Now I know there is nothing to fear this one is easier than shame
CREATIVE stuff artwork has not been  effected
So remove all shame from the moonlight

[write]

it wasn't an easy journey for me to get here- it's been scary a lot and the worst is those times where you just can't keep the world away, a big move or bereavement etc. Then I feel like a rock over a volcano- I know the pressure's building up but not sure if there will be an eruption or a little steam venting!

Does anyone belong to a bipolar support group?

I've never tried one.

[moonlight52]

Write There is a local Bipolar group in my city .I looked them up last night .I also found a group though Patty Duke group on the internet.
She is Bipolar and there is a new Bipolar magazine coming out .You can get the information by typing in Patty Duke's name.
Its super to have a magazine on Bipolar sort of takes the fear out of it .There are people featured like Jane Pauley, Carrie Fisher and Patty Duke.So that magazine looks like a super thing to look into.
moonlight

[write]

I'll look that up! thank you.

I have Patty Duke's book, and Kay Redfield Jamison's.

Do you think you'll go to the support group Moonlight?

[reallyME]

Patty Duke's book is GREAT!