Good bye

[pennyplant]

CB,

I remember being pulled into a similar exchange on this board several months ago and feeling mystified as to what I had said to "deserve" the response I got.  I pulled back for awhile.  It is part of how I have learned that each person brings something to an exchange or relationship.  I learned I'm only half of it.  And sometimes not even that much!  Sometimes it isn't about me at all.

So, is it something about what a person has said that can trigger someone?  Or is it easier to be triggered by someone who is relatively new to a place, or who seems "innocent", that makes it "safer" to say things you might not say to a veteran member?  I don't have an answer to my questions.  Just things that occurred to me when I was remembering my own not so safe conversation on this board when I was fairly new here.  It seemes interesting to me that I was new then and you are new now, CB.

It reminds me also of my childhood when I was often "new" or not quite part of the establishment of the neighbor or classroom.  I think I was "easy pickins" partly because of my newness or innocence.

Pennyplant

[mudpuppy]

I realize now that I'm getting defensive.  I've noticed on this board, when that happens, mud, guests with unusual names, and others start to come out of the woodwork.  Like ants, who smell a feast!

Bean,

I don't scuttle out of the woodwork when folks simply get defensive. I do occasionally tunnel my way out when that defensiveness takes a turn toward what I consider unfair or inaccurate criticism of others. I suppose what I said could be taken for mild crititcism of what you said but after all....

If we cannot handle constructive criticism here, maybe we are all kidding ourselves?

I certainly had no intention of offending you or causing you to become defensive. I just disagreed with your characterization of what others had said.

Now, as it's a rather chilly morning I'll just chew my way back into the woodwork and wait........

mud

[freeme2live]

I think one of the worst N's to ever live who was a dictator is now no longer as he was executed last night... IMHO this man was and some dictators of our time are or were N's. Just an observation on my part to the definition.

Free

[pennyplant]

Bean, I addressed my post to CB, not Stormchild.

PP

[Hopalong]

Hey Bean,
I think I'll reply here, hope you don't mind but it feels better. I'm sorry it hurt not to be responded to. I can understand that. (((((((Bean))))))))))

I didn't know what to say. I sensed tension building in you and when you mentioned not feeling as good about the board, I think that might have touched on my own anxiety stuff. I'm sensitive to thoughts of abandonment, that's likely why I stepped around your post.

if there's a conflict brewing, I would like not to participate in this one.

That's all. Nothing at all disrespectful  in how I feel toward you Bean. It sounds as thougn you have reached a kind of breakthrough in your therapy...that's important!

I think I will read and learn, but not comment much on this thread.

love to you,
Hops

[Hopalong]

Hi Bean,

I don't think I said that precisely. But if I did, I did not mean to.

I think it's important not to feel obligated or forced to dialogue in private, away from the board, if one doesn't want to. It can feel unsafe. That can be for FOO reasons having nothing to do with present company, but whatever the reason, it's a boundary thing.

We can decline without being bad people, even if someone's disappointed. We have the right to participate in PMs or not.

(I'm sorry I'm not responding in the way that you'd like right now. I don't think I can.)

Hops

[sea storm]

Dear Invisible,

I am still sad to see you go. I looked back at your contributions and your story and I hope you stay.

Wishing you love and healing in the coming year.

Sea Storm

[Unamused]

bean

You really need to get your panties out of that bunch.  And, think before you hit that send button, criticizing and bullying other people here.