empty

[axa]

Seastorn,

I think the doing rather than the thinking is very important.  Getting out of my head is a real struggle for me.  Called a friend (a therapist) who is going to do a visualisation from Bradshaws book with me next week.  I so want to save this child.

Tried the band aid a number of times and it just threw me back to the same old place.  I am so not interested in that anylonger.  Part of my way of being is to isolate myself when I feel like this, as if I have failed again but this time I am doing it differently.  Throughout the day I ask mysel what will make ME feel better and act on the answers that come up. 

There are many areas of my life I have neglected while being with XN.  My creativity, well I am claiming that back.  My paintings are moving from dark to light.  I am trusting that I am being guided by something deeper than my head when I am painting.  I see pain in the paintings but the overriding emotion is hope: hope for me.

I am also doing a little work from Julia Cameron's book the sound of paper.  The advantages of being unemployed at the moment is that I have time to do this stuff. 

I wouild appreciate any ideas for healing from anyone, maybe I will start a thread on this subject.

Thanks to all

xxxaxa

[spyralle]

Great idea for a thread axa...  Things I do to make me feel better...

Drawing
Writing
Voluntary work
Getting my teeth into something at work
Bonding with my angel (long story!!!!)
just learning to enjoy being with my friends
Dancing alone in a wild way lol

I love the sound of 'the sound of paper' gonna go buy it

Spyralle xxx

[axa]

Hi TT

I always think the age is four.  Don;t know why but that seems right.  I am doing ok.  The work with my T friend went well, lots of holding that little girl and soothing.  Anyone I meet these days tells me I am looking great not carrying the baggage of an N helps greatly.

I have been doing a lot of work with claiming my own dysfunctional behaviour, my lack of boundaries, my passivity, my addiction to crazy relationships and things are shifting in some ways for me. For the first time in my life I feel very content with myself and feel that the adult me is taking responsibility for my life.  This I went through kicking and screaming and sometimes revert back to the four year old but am learning how to care for her and encourage her to grow up.

I would like to hear about your process,

axa

[teartracks]

besee,

I completely relate to what your author says.  Thank you for posting this.  First chance I get to go to the bookstore, I'm going to read the book.

teartracks

[Hopalong]

Could it help to spend regular time just sitting on a rug observing little ones that age?

Like volunteering to help at a daycare center or a church nursery.

Hops

[axa]

TT

Something I found interesting was to draw with my non dominant hand and write words with my non dominant hands.  I did not censor anything just let the words flow............very powerful and cathartic work, also be prepared for the tears.

xxxxxxxxx

axa

[teartracks]

axa,

Thanks.  Others have suggested this.  I believe things are falling together for me to make a connection with the 'little girl lost'.

teartracks