No Beth you haven’t angered me.
Little children can feel abandoned without even being able to discern the emotion. When parents go to work and leave the child elsewhere every day, might the child begin to think that one day they won’t come home? We don’t know.
Do you think a 5 year old can understand about the car crash, the hospital and Mommy will be home “heaven knows when” and I have NO idea what was told to her when she was shifted to 4 different places while I was hospitalized for a year. Of course I felt that I abandoned her but she is also able to have the feeling that I abandoned her, although not understand. I do know she cried a lot.
When she was 2½ I left her father and we were on our own. One day as I was sitting typing, she walked by me putting on her squall jacket.
I asked, “Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to find Daddy.” And off she went down the driveway onto the sidewalk and kept going, kept going, as I stood in the doorway watching her, waiting for her to turn around. She didn’t. She kept going and my heart broke, as I went after her.
Another time it was storming, thunder and lightning. Thunder always scared her. She was still 2½. I sat her on my knee at the kitchen window and we talked and stuff, as I tried to let her see that thunder wouldn’t hurt her. Then a train whistle blew…..
She said, ”That must be Daddy coming on the train to see me.” I shriveled up with guilt!
I’m sure she felt that daddy had “abandoned” her.
She was always glued to my leg. Then I go out and get cracked up and come home in a wheelchair. At 6 does she see me as the same Mommy?—different place, different ways of doing things………….
Had I intervened, it would be not to take my daughter away from her husband (she still professed to love him,) it would have been to stand up to him and say that I had every right to see my grandchildren, that Daughter also had a say in this and they needed the sitter, so don’t be such an asshole! I’ll leave now but I will be back as usual in Tuesday! But he is an N. What would have happened? At least, in front of my daughter, I would have stood up for myself and her and the children and not just leave, drive away, to have her watch my car go to never return and she is abandoned by me again, to be left with the N.
At the same time, I have abandoned 2 of my grandchildren. Grandma was so important in their lives. The boy says “Gram! I love you more than the whole wide world ………………………………… and M___ ___more than Cheerios!”
One day he heaved a heavy sigh and I asked what was the matter.
He said, “Gram! One day you are going to die and I am going to be so sad”. I had a talk with him about death.
The N is the elephant in the living room, amongst other things.
Yes, My therapist is a gem, so far, a caring, understanding person
I also have abandonment issues because the daughter I loved, changed and left me for an asshole and couldn’t finish University, until she finally was sick of him and left to strike out on her own, much like her mother, a strong person, but we have yet to communicate on some very serious issues.
I will allow my Therapist to guide me
Love
Izzy
