Author Topic: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-  (Read 3621 times)

isittoolate

  • Guest
Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« on: May 28, 2007, 04:43:46 PM »
In discussing the etiology of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, faulty parenting or disturbed object relations is a common causal theme in most writings. However, the question remains as to its specificity. In this author's experience, faulty parenting is ubiquitous in all psychological disturbance. This paper postulates that the specific “fault” lies in the caretaker's failure to provide optimal frustrating experiences necessary to enable the child to develop a more realistic self-image. Clinical case examples reveal some common personality characteristics in the parents and parenting styles conducive to the child's development of a narcissistic disorder. A brief, informal comparison is made between these cases and over 100 other cases of poor, “welfare” children who were seen in psychoanalytic treatment by this author.

A Book, http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/klu/csow/1999/00000027/00000001/00414332
The Making of a Narcissist
Author: Imbesi L.




And Narcissism by Proxy

a Sam Vakin FAQ http://healthyplace.com/communities/personality_disorders/narcissism/faq42.html

Excerpt--

The narcissist uses others as an outlet to all these repressed emotions and behaviour patterns. Having invaded their personalities, having altered them by methods of attrition and erosion, having made them compatible with his own disorder, having secured the submission of his victims – he moves on to occupy their shells. Then he makes them do what he always dreamt of doing, what he often desired, what he constantly feared to do.

Using the same compelling methods, he drives his mates, spouse, partners, colleagues, children, or co-workers – into collaborating in the expression of the repressed side of his personality. At the same time, he negates the vague sensation that their personality has been substituted by his when committing these acts.

Another excerpt--

Some people adopt the role of a professional victim. In doing so, they become self-centred, devoid of empathy and, abusive and exploitative. In other words, they become narcissists. The role of "professional victims" - ones whose existence and very identity is defined solely and entirely by their victimhood - is well researched in victimology. It doesn't make for a nice reading.

These victim "pros" are often more cruel, vengeful, vitriolic, lacking in compassion and violent than their abusers. They make a career of it. They identify with this role to the exclusion of all else. It is a danger to be avoided. And this is precisely what I called "Narcissistic Contagion" or "Narcissism by Proxy".


dandylife

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 491
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2007, 07:59:26 PM »
"Some people adopt the role of a professional victim. In doing so, they become self-centred, devoid of empathy and, abusive and exploitative."

You know, I've never heard this before as the root of narcissm. But it makes sense in my N's case. He had a very hard childhood, dad left by age 5, stepdad died of heart failure by age 12, next stepdad car accident that nearly killed him by age 21. No money, ever - rich grandparents offered to send him to college, but only to a certain school, so he said no. Fought and scrapped his way through college, and life, really. He never SAYS he feels he's a victim, but he definitely has that "I hate the world" written all over him. Glass is never half full, the glass is a bitch. So, YES I can see this being the case. Feeling like a victim again and again I guess can just turn you in to a black/white seeing person. And most is black- bad.

Thanks for pointing this out, Izzy.

Dandylife
"All things not at peace will cry out." Han Yun

"He who angers you conquers you." - Elizabeth Kenny

Stormchild

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1183
  • It's about becoming real.
    • Gale Warnings
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2007, 09:45:51 PM »
Oh, absolutely! This is so completely true.

Quick and easy test for it: interrupt their litany of complaints with a genuine problem, yours or someone else's, and see how they react to this.

If empathy is not only expressed, but acted out, then they're still capable of feeling compassion for someone other than themselves, and expending energy in genuine acts of caring.

If OTOH you get hostility, resentment, animosity, the genuine problem is brushed aside, and the subject is quickly forced back around to them and their litany of complaints, they've become trapped in the amber.

Or they started there in the first place - the emotional vampire variety of narcissist usually plays the helpless victim [rescue me, so I can bleed you dry].
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com

camper

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 70
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2007, 08:43:23 AM »
Quote
Having invaded their personalities, having altered them by methods of attrition and erosion, having made them compatible with his own disorder, having secured the submission of his victims – he moves on to occupy their shells.

I cringed when I read this.  My H invaded my personality, I became compatible with his disorder and submitted to it.  I guess he occupies my shell.  Scary!  I really do have to pay attention to everything I say and do so as to not upset him.  this is being compatible and submitted.  I need to stop this!

isittoolate

  • Guest
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2007, 12:54:11 PM »
Bump, for reference.

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2007, 12:41:07 AM »
Hi Iz,

Just wanted to give you this URL.

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/parents/msg071604294946.html

 :(

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

isittoolate

  • Guest
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2007, 02:01:31 AM »
Thank you (((((((((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))))

Then we are not alone

That anon post on your thread is saying what we have decided to do, right?

I am stepping out. In the long run I could call my D' abusive'.

Love
Izzy

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13616
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2007, 02:15:00 AM »
No.....I can't "step out" Iz. But Anon asked me a great question.

I think our situations have similar spots, but aren't exactly the same.
My D is in her 20s, we see each other fairly often, and we've never cut each other off completely.
I was just panicking. Feel as though I couldn't survive the loss, as there've been so many.

My heart just started beating again because she responded to a brief email I sent on a totally
not-personal topic. I think that tells me she doesn't want me out of her life, she just can't
handle the emotion. (And I had also written her apologizing for taking her "precautions"
about her time here personally. I really do understand she's trying to help herself by
avoiding a triangle with me and her grandmother, and I am glad she's learning to set
the boundaries she needs. Even with me.)

But I did want you to know about that forum. It looks like a very caring place, and I
was struck by how many people said they are heartbroken yet it's a taboo topic, they
can't talk about it, and how every holiday hurts, etc.

I'm not there. But I went and took a look over the brink.

love to you, Iz.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

reallyME

  • Guest
Re: Disturbing-The Makiing of an Narcissist-
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2007, 07:57:54 AM »
IsitTooLate,

Great post!  I have to agree that every narcissist has to have a person that allows them to operate in some way...a victim.  If they didn't have that one other person, how would they be able to portray their grandiosity or self-centeredness, etc...an "actress" has to have an "audience" right?

~Laura