Saturday night date with myself!

[WRITE]

the last two saturdays I have been alone, after work I get ready for church then after that go to a nice cafe for hot tea or a cake, then there's a produce market I like, then home to cook and read and listen to music.

I decided it's going to be my happy-alone time, so I don't call anyone or take calls, or come over to ex/son.

I light candles and have made my apartment so pleasant, already I am looking forward to next Saturday and my date night with myself.

I may not have anyone special in my life right now, and maybe that's as it should be for a while, but I can make the time I spend with myself special.

It was Isittoolate made me think of it a few weeks ago when she said how she enjoys her solitude.

I am always so busy and so many people to talk to and work with and of course ex and son, I've re-framed the solitude as my own time for some self-care.

I don't have much money so I look out for things which will give me pleasure like two giant ferns being sold off in the garden centre today for $5 each, or a handful of rosepetals for $1 at the food market to throw in the bath.

My friend to me to a spice shop today, I picked up some herbs and some chocolate mix I will try out next week.

Last week I bought Gingerbread scented candles $1.75 for 12 on sale.

It's fun to think what I will cook, or watch, or read, or listen to after a nice long bath or a face mask....all affordable and all for me!

Why have I never thought like this before??????

[Hopalong]

 

Write, that is wonderful.

Happy lovely evenings in your good company!

Self-love!

That's it, girl!

 

Hops

[Ami]

I am happy that you are finding peace and joy, WRITE      Love  Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Write,

That sounds so cozy and pleasant! Thank you for the pretty image    It is fun to think on... to anticipate that upcoming time of solitude.

I'm a very solitary person. I don't think that's just a consequence of my upbringing and feeling like an oddball through that time.
Can't be positive, but I do think it's just me... guess I need to take a closer look at my reasons for enjoying my alone-time.

Anyhow, weekends do take their toll because I'm surrounded... especially when the weather is so hot that I can't comfortably go piddle in the yard. This past one was difficult in that way... but with material here on this board and elsewhere to read, it was good to have my mind occupied. At those times, my bath is the only solitary place. With televisions and games, lights and sounds everywhere, I think it'd help to make bathtime more of a respite and light those candles! Have a bushel of them here from an extended power outage this past winter...
oh, and I have an old radio/cd player already in there, so why not have music, as well??

As far as why you haven't thought like this before... maybe, like me, you just get occupied elsewhere and practical matters squeeze out the rest? My old habits of thinking tell me that everything has to be "just so" before moments like this can be enjoyed. I now recognize that as a lie from the past. Nothing will ever be "just so"-enough... these moments have to be invented - and that's okay!

Much love,
Hope

[Gaining Strength]

Now that is a marvelous recipe for healing.  No one can take any of that away from you.  It is sole dependent on you.  How perfect!  Thanks for sharing - what comfort and strength - your friend - GS

[WRITE]

the weather is so hot that I can't comfortably go piddle in the yard.

 

these moments have to be invented

great point CH, yes they do.
And in my life they are not going to easily be invented for me by anyone else.

I'm at a crossroads in many ways, I've spent so much time on son and ex and other people, other things, suddenly I need something for me.
Some re-charging and maybe a new direction.

I've been thinking about that Goddard college intensive low-residency course Hops was talking about.

Has anyone here done it/ know anyone who has?

I don't think I can fund it without going into debt until next year, but that gives me time to do a few other things which I want to, one of which is to drop the rest of my excess weight.
I've been maintaining for a while and not lost any more, and I'd like to do more exercise.

Checked my credit card today and fitness centre apparently billed the $190 overcharge twice instead of one charge/ one credit, will I ever sort out their incompetence....*sigh*

It is sole dependent on you.  How perfect!

it is good, also lonely.

I am facing now the loneliness I have refused to accept all my life, I filled it with busyness and people and projects and lots of things, but I have longed to be held by someone who knows and loves me just for me.

Maybe children who weren't held always feel this way.

I remember when my son was small I held him all the time, he was so happy just to be on me or with me, I can't imagine how terrified I must have been as a baby to be just left, no wonder I have always been slightly afraid of solitary, and even now I panic if I wake up and it's completely dark, I always have a small source of light on.

Sometimes over the years I have stayed in homes, places that weren't just houses, places with nurturing people there, and I have slept comfortably in the total darkness, but not often.

I am only now realising how much trauma I have held, how safe I am now compared to the rest of my life.

[tayana]

(((hugs)))) Write.

I'm so glad you did this for yourself.  It sounds wonderful and relaxing.

I used to do things like this.

I don't know what happened.

[isittoolate]

Hi CH
so you--- I can't comfortably go piddle in the yard.

When we were kids, 5 of us, at bedtime, dark, mom allowed us to piddle in the yard, (it's a wonder we didn't kill the grass.)

I was too close behind my now N sister (ages maybe me 3 and her 4) and I peed right up her back. Boy she was mad, and she hasn't forgotten it!

I was too young to know how I was built.

(I wonder if that caused her N-isn?--something for the professionals to investigate.)
Love
Izzy

[Sela]

Write,

I'm so glad you're feeling better.  You sound like you are finding your serenity and that is glorious! 



Izzy,

Am I weird or is that a bizzare thing for a mother to allow her kids to do? 

However, do not worry....I don't think you can't piddle NPD on anyone.  I think it has to be home brewed(?)

  Sela

[Hopalong]

Write,
My friend loved the Goddard program...gave her a real boost. I wonder too if you wouldn't love training as a music therapist, officially? I also think you'd probably make a great teacher. Good to dream new dreams at this time of your life, whatever they are.

I think you are right, you're feeling some pain and fear that you'd kept yourself distracted from before. This is a good thing. A hard process, but it does healing things. Don't count your lonely Saturdays, just keep living them with the wonderful creativity you've been showing. Better to have a good cry in a bubbly tub than elsewhere, anyway.

love
Hops

[Lupita]

I am so happy for you. What I do on Saturdays I found a dance school. they have practice nights in which all students get together and practice advanced with beginners. 50 to 60 people dancing from 9 pm to 2 am. I do not have to make sacrifices for a friend to accompany me. I can go alone to th school. I do not have to pray for a partner. The school is fun, and everybody dances with everybody. I love my Saturdays.

[Ami]

WRITE and Lupita,
    You are an inspiration to me                         Love  Ami

[isittoolate]

Izzy,
Am I weird or is that a bizzare thing for a mother to allow her kids to do? 
However, do not worry....I don't think you can't piddle NPD on anyone.  I think it has to be home brewed(?)

  Sela

Yes Sela,
In hindsight I don't think it is right, but back then it is how we we raised, on a farm, miles from anyone, with no indoor plumbing, and only 2 holes in the backhouse with 5 kids having to go to bed at the same time. This was my mother and I imagine her ways of thinking are ingrained in me somewhere that I don't know, but I don't go along with these obvious ones.

it takes all kinds?
xx
Izzy

[WRITE]

I'll order 'Moving on' CB. It's certainly time I did...

Most of my work now is music therapy so maybe I should train officially Hops, I thought I might get bored with it after a while but it's one of those subjects the more you know the more there is to know....

This morning at one of my groups a lady with an advanced brain degeneration who has been showing more and more interest came and sat at the piano with me! It's like the music wakes up very deep memories, and re-routes blood flow to the damaged parts of the brain.

Next summer I will teach through the summer, my son will be older then.

If I did the course I guess I'd have to go into debt for some of the expenses?

How do people usually fund these things these days?

I talked to one man whose law degree put him in debt to the tune of $120 000 which seems a little excessive!

I don't think you can't piddle NPD on anyone.  I think it has to be home brewed
 

[Hopalong]

First, you might find out if a college has funds and scholarships itself to offer adult students. Many do.
There are many fellowships and grants to explore.
There are VERY low-cost loans.

I was amazed when my D disappeared into our computer room and actually sorted out the cost of a private education for herself at a fairly expensive college. With grants plus student loans, she got the cost down to the SAME as the cost for an in-state student at a public unviersity.

Some of the small private colleges have very large endowments.

And schools really LIKE adult students who've had real-world experiences.

Hops