Nightmare

[spyralle]

I'm sorry for what's coming.  I feel like I am always posting total misery but I have to just get it out of my head and this is the only place where people will understand.

The night before last I had a nightmare.  I dreamed that ex N was in my house with a new girlfriend who happened to be a UK soapstar who has a haircut that I really want.  Anyway they just moved in and started living this happy family life in my house whilst I wandered around like a ghost they laughed at me or ignored me and I got angrier and angrier until I was smashing glasses and throwing buckets of water at them.  Nothing was bothering them they were smug.  Ex N picked up pieces of the broken glass and started flicking them at me like I was just worthless...

I woke up right back in the place I was two years ago when I was shocked and traumatised at what he had done, and I can't shake it off.  I left work at lunchtime today.  Just walked out..  I can't stop crying.  It feels like there is still a part of me in the nightmare and I don't know how to get out...

Spyralle

[Ami]

Dear Spy,
   JUst "Go with it". Your  mind needs to heal. That is why you are having the dream. When you are healed, you will not have the dream anymore.
   It seems to be a dream about betrayal , about you looking from the outside on people being happy, and about you giving and getting nothing. A house ,in a dream, represents our self. They have taken over you and are living well, while you are  an outsider.This must be how you feel about your life. It is not your own. Other people take it from you and you are on the outside,while they are happy and living well-- right in front of you.
 Healing is really scary. I am facing  truths ,now. also. It is really, really scary,but it will be better after you grieve them    Love  Ami

[Iphi]

My guess is it's the part of you that is still in thrall to the illusion the N creates - that they are holding good things, desirable things or a desirable way to be just out of reach of you. 

I used to dream I was outside in a winter street looking in windows at warmth, family and food.  It's an illusion.  There is no warmth or glamour where the N is.

Hope this helps.  Now don't you worry about what you post.  Hugs!

[bigalspal]

Hi Spyralle,
I'm sorry you had a bad nightmare. I used to suffer with them a lot.
Is something stressful going on right now that would make you dream about him?
Has he contacted you lately?
Love,
Bigalspal

[lighter]

One thing that's going for me.....  I HOPE my N will find someone else to latch onto and leave me alone.

I don't spend a moment worrying about him being happy with someone else's company, which is a blessing.

I don't know how you feel about your ex but I hope you realize that you're lucky to be rid of him, at some point if not now.


Sorry that happened to you.  It's disturbing and haunting for days to have a nightmare like yours.  You probably woke up feeling exhausted too ((spyralle))

[motheroffour]

I hate dreams about N's being so happy.  Chaps my hide!!!  Used to have them a lot. I have to train my brain not to look back....but to keep my eye on what is important -- recovery, my real friends, hope in new possibilities, etc.   It feels like such a loss to me.  But it is really not.  Crazy how convinced I am that it is.  Why do I think I will get anything from my N's but heartache.  But somehow I think they have something I need or want.   Trying now when I have dreams or for now it is bad early mornings, I just move to my "now" or my new way of thinking.  Doesn't always work to make me stop thinking about it.  But I have noticed that the dreams don't happen anymore.  And that i feel stronger.

Just thots...
--mof4

[isittoolate]

Hi
I didn't have a nightmare last night, but did dream of my Daughter's father, a common-law relationship. He was such a handsome man.

In the dream he came to work at a place where I was and we reconnected (I left him in real life) and he was very nice, just as when we met. The girls were swarming all over him but he had eyes for only me--as in real life. We were going dancing and I put on my lovley red dress--as I did in real life.

I woke up sooooooooooooooooo happy---but as this day had progressed and I went to the Library etc. I became a little more on a downer because that life is long gone and I had to leave him for alcoholism and physical abuse: so hard to believe. He committed suicide in 1979.

For me, whatever I dream has an affect on my mood the next day if  it is --what is the word--personal-to-real?

I used to have nightmares about the N but they are long gone, since he is no longer in my thoughts. I recall those in hindsight with the trauma and shock, but I was always so happy to wake up in my new place they didn't last long----you have left the N, right spyralle??????

I sense that a thought that runs through my mind during the day will have an affect on what I dream.

Izzy

[lighter]

I don't dream much lately but had an N nightmare a couple weeks ago. 

I can't even remember it now, though it haunted me for days.

I think it was about scraping him off and being persued.... scary and running around all night.  Terrible stuff.  ::shudder::

Last night I had the feeling  I'd find him hanging on the kitchen ceiling, if I looked up, like a vampire. 

Gee.... wonder what kind of movies I've been watching lately, lol.

VanHelsing is a cool movie.

[CB123]

And, Spy, something triggered you last week, too, didnt it?  Have you been able to figure out what this is?  Are you approaching some kind of anniversary? 

If I were you, I would do a lot of free-write journalling and see if something comes up that you arent aware of on a conscious level.  I'm so sorry you are being rattled like this...

Love
CB

[Hopalong]

I'm sorry too, Spy...nothing feels more lonely than a bad dream nobody understands.
The taunting, your invisibility...horrible thoughts.

I wonder if in daylight, you feel relieved you're not with him now?
He's the kind of person who DID treat you that way.

I hope there's relief. I do understand how awful the dream was, but trust your mind,
it was letting something out. Maybe some last confused dreg of confusion, a little
bit of you that was still holding on.

Breathe deeply, 20 times, slowly, be very kind to yourself.
No scolding. You caught a wave of feeling and you just rode it today.

Lullaby, gentle dreams to you,
Hops