Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1306122 times)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #720 on: April 09, 2009, 03:48:25 PM »
Quote
I'm also wondering if the N's in your lives have ever faked helplessness whenever they didn't want to take responsibility for something?

Bones

My oldest sister does this daily.



She walks with a cane. I told her to get a wheel chair because it is no help, as everyone walks with her while she acts like she can't put one foot in front of the other. LIE
OH no I don't want one.
Why would she, she wouldn't be in control anymore of the person walking with her or should I say standing as she Cries out in pain and stiffness. NOT!
Told her to ask her Dr. for pain medication, and anti- inflammatory medication to help her debilitating arthritis and other unnamed illnesses. More BS!
She said, "NO" again, doesn't want to discuss it and says she doesn't like medication. BS!!!!!!!!

She pretends she has no money. When her wallet is filled with bills tucked away no one can notice.
Got her cable paid for by a neighbor who doesn't have cable herself because my sisters was going to have hers cut off.
Old friend pays her electric, she adds about $10 to the bill for extra cash.
Cashiers bring out her bundles to her car. As she can't carry them. BS again!


Pretending she is a step away from the shelter (as she is laying mulch, buying flowers, wreaths, 123 lawn step care etc.) that's how she get all her freebies.
Pretends she is physically handycapped. Everyone who falls for it bows to her every physical need. Again a big LIE.
She is exhausting. Watching someone be so good at conning people is amazingly sick! She is a master at her disguise and disgusts me.

I could go on and on, as you know with these people. I won't bore you with the details except she is not responsible in her eyes for anything, she is the victim and everyone needs to fill her with pity, material possessions and their time. And she loves to brag about it.
Her only responsibility is how to suck everything out of you, then she feels like she won the lottery.

Hope your feeling better.
ox seasons





Thanks, Seasons!

It's aggravating when people do what your sister do while others who are REALLY dealing with challenges try not to create problems!  NDoofus is also aggravating with her "helplessness"!

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #721 on: April 09, 2009, 03:52:16 PM »
I'm trying to recall if I had already described an incident that NDoofus tried to pull with her DVD player.

Bones
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seasons

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #722 on: April 14, 2009, 11:16:54 AM »

Would love to hear it. seasons
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #723 on: April 16, 2009, 11:22:20 AM »
Thanks, Seasons.

This incident took place shortly before I learned about N-ism.  I was visiting with NDoofus one evening.  During the visit, she informed me that her husband was with his parents because husband's father had taken a turn for the worse.  (The father-in-law had been in ill health for a long time.)  At one point, during the course of the evening, the phone rang.  It was NDoofus' husband informing her that his father, (her father-in-law), had just died at home and that he will stay as long as necessary to deal with the aftermath.  I expected NDoofus to either cry, cut our visit short, tell her husband she was on her way to support him....SOMETHING APPROPRIATE!  She just acted matter-of-fact about the situation.  (It struck me as odd then but I didn't know what words to put to it.)

After she hung up the phone, she decided she wanted to watch one of her DVDs.  (My gut-instinct kept telling me that something just wasn't right about the situation but I didn't know why.)  After she chose which movie she wanted to watch, she expected me to set up her DVD player FOR her!  (Huh?!?!?)  I asked her where she keeps all the user manuals because their electronic set up is a LOT more complicated than mine and I didn't feel comfortable blindly fiddling with anything.  All I got was a blank stare and a comment that her husband normally takes care of this kind of stuff FOR her.  I pointed out that he is not available right now and asked, again, where the user manuals for their electronic equipment is kept.  Again, the blank stare.   I figured, at that point, that I was going to have to logically figure out, on my own, where the most likely place might be to store user manuals for her electronics and began to systematically search.  Instead of assisting me in the search, NDoofus gets on the phone and calls her husband at his parents' home!

I was appalled!!!!  Her husband's father had just died!  The body is still in the house and is barely cold!  And NDoofus is calling her husband, in the midst of this tragedy asking him to walk her through the DVD setup because she wants to watch a movie NOW!  Even though I was across the room from where she was standing, I could hear him yelling at her through the telephone and I did NOT blame him for his reaction!  After he bawled her out for her insensitivity, she hangs up the phone and complains that her husband was being "difficult"!  HUH?!?!?!?

If I knew then what I know now, I would have cut and run a L-O-N-G time ago!!!!!!!

Bones
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changing

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #724 on: April 17, 2009, 05:09:35 AM »
Hi Bonesy-

Glad to see that you are still posting- I haver been away from the Board and wondered how you were. Are you feeling better?

NDoofusses never seem to evolve, do they?!? Thank goodness that you are seeing  through the old smokescreens!

Hope All Is Well,

Changing

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #725 on: April 17, 2009, 11:54:01 AM »
Hi Bonesy-

Glad to see that you are still posting- I haver been away from the Board and wondered how you were. Are you feeling better?

NDoofusses never seem to evolve, do they?!? Thank goodness that you are seeing  through the old smokescreens!

Hope All Is Well,

Changing

Hi, Changing.

I have my good days and bad days.  I've been trying to deal with bureaucrats at voc. rehab. and find it frustrating!  If voc. rehab. is unable to assist with anything, I don't know what other options I can look to as I have been unable to find any employment on my own.  My pension can only go so far and no further.  It's hard trying not to worry.

Bones
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changing

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #726 on: April 19, 2009, 01:34:21 AM »
Hello My Friend-

It is so hard to be stuck in a bureaucratic morass! I will put you on the prayer list tomorrow- there has to be something. Are you feeling okay to go back to work?

Love,

C.

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #727 on: April 19, 2009, 09:53:37 AM »
Hello My Friend-

It is so hard to be stuck in a bureaucratic morass! I will put you on the prayer list tomorrow- there has to be something. Are you feeling okay to go back to work?

Love,

C.

Thanks, Changing!

I feel physically OK to go back to work part-time.  Given my challenges with the possibility of Asperger's, I don't know what I'm good for.

Bones
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seasons

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #728 on: April 21, 2009, 12:45:03 PM »

Hi Bones,

Thanks for sharing. Sadly this is so believable and very familiar! A classic N!
 At the beginning I agree you get those feeling inside that feels this isn't right.,yet you can't put your finger on it either.

Until we discover the the truth!

 
Quote
If I knew then what I know now, I would have cut and run a L-O-N-G time ago!!!!!!!
             


Ditto!             seasons ox
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #729 on: April 21, 2009, 01:02:08 PM »

Hi Bones,

Thanks for sharing. Sadly this is so believable and very familiar! A classic N!
 At the beginning I agree you get those feeling inside that feels this isn't right.,yet you can't put your finger on it either.

Until we discover the the truth!

 
Quote
If I knew then what I know now, I would have cut and run a L-O-N-G time ago!!!!!!!
             


Ditto!             seasons ox


Thanks, Seasons!  I wish I had known sooner.

I recently saw a couple videos, on YouTube, about NPD and one of the descriptions rang a bell...."If you don't go along with their program, they become COLD..."  THAT was the behavior I observed in NDoofus on the flight home!

Bones
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #730 on: April 21, 2009, 08:45:13 PM »
Hey Bones,
A lot of Aspey and mild-autistic-spectrum folks are actually extra GOOD at certain kinds of work...
have you been able to get any vocational counseling or help in finding a spot?

You deserve a GOOD outcome, a peaceful place, a manageable task, a more comfortable life.

I am really sorry about the breakup or near-breakup.

Sometimes it seems when we most need support, the places where we find it have to change.

Don't give up, Bones. You are just as entitled to support and caring as any other human being, no matter WHAT, keep searching for what you need.

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #731 on: April 22, 2009, 06:23:30 AM »
Hey Bones,
A lot of Aspey and mild-autistic-spectrum folks are actually extra GOOD at certain kinds of work...
have you been able to get any vocational counseling or help in finding a spot?

You deserve a GOOD outcome, a peaceful place, a manageable task, a more comfortable life.

I am really sorry about the breakup or near-breakup.

Sometimes it seems when we most need support, the places where we find it have to change.

Don't give up, Bones. You are just as entitled to support and caring as any other human being, no matter WHAT, keep searching for what you need.

love,
Hops

Thanks, Hops!

I've been in communication with vocational rehabilitation.  However, the contact person appears to be an NT who has ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE about what Asperger's means and what kinds of challenges it presents!

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #732 on: April 23, 2009, 06:48:55 AM »
Regarding NDoofus, I just learned, through a neutral third party, that NDoofus' younger sister has stage 4 cancer.  I have no beef with the younger sister and I can only imagine how much pain she is in.  I don't want to deal with NDoofus directly and, at the same time, I feel badly for the younger sister as well as their mother, who has advanced Alzheimer's.

Bones
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #733 on: April 24, 2009, 06:02:53 PM »
A thought occurred to me regarding the possibility of my having Asperger's.  I'm wondering if my being an Aspie gave me the strength to resist NWomb-Donor's machinations as well as resist my FOO.

Bones
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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #734 on: April 24, 2009, 07:53:42 PM »
What a brilliant notion!

That is a wonderful perspective, Bones.

So awed by you for having this kind of wisdom, the ability to see a gift within the problem.

You wise woman. That's grace.

love
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."