Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones,
I did not have bridesmaids at either wedding, and both times, my spouse/s (!) and I agreed that we didn't much like the wedding industry and had little interest in creating a pageant.

My first wedding was a simple compromise between the denominations/faiths we were raised in, and apart from us writing our own vows, it was traditional and mostly to please the parents. We did it all for $800.

The second time, there was more character and fun to the preparations (whole thing cost us $300) and it was lovely (marred by a nightmare wedding night, but that's another story)!

If I should marry again, no Zillas at all. I think I would marry in my backyard and would love it to be at a party, where so many good friends have gathered...and then we'd surprise the guests, produce a celebrant, and do it right then!

hugs
Hops

((((((((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That's a NEAT idea!!!!!!  How about doing the backyard surprise when you and DH renew your vows?

Bones

[Hopalong]

That could happen too, Bones!

(Once I snag a DH, that is...been single/divorced about 15 years now.)

hugs
Hops

[BonesMS]

That could happen too, Bones!

(Once I snag a DH, that is...been single/divorced about 15 years now.)

hugs
Hops

O.I.C.

Oops!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

I really HATE it when ANYONE, ANYWHERE, attempts to take away my voice and deny my truth!!!!!!   

I was reading through another website that is designed for survivors of N's and have posted a few times, referring to my experiences with NWomb-Donor as that momster does NOT deserve the title of "mother"!  Then another poster comments that she is OFFENDED that I use the term "Womb-Donor" and, basically, told me that I SHOULD give that momster the title of "mother"!  I stated my truth again and left that website.  How DARE anyone tell me how I should think and feel about what happened to me and other innocent victims of her sick and twisted crimes!

Bones

[BonesMS]

To give a brief update, I did go back and post a longer response that basically stated that I have a right to feel my emotions and that no one has the right to tell me to "get over it" in regard to what NWomb-Donor did to me and others.  I stated that I have a right to have a voice.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I've been thinking along the lines of past experiences with professional therapists.  I still have not been able to find a therapist, in my geographic area, that is knowledgeable about NPD, Adult Aspie issues, and the issues that survivors of NPD abuse struggle with.  After getting burned before, I'm feeling gun-shy about professional therapists in general, especially after the LAST professional who turned out to be a damaging N!

This board is not designed to be group therapy.  At the same time, what other resources are available for survivors of N abuse within each of our geographic areas?  There appears to be nothing in the DC Metro area.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Not sure how many people are reading this thread anymore.  I'm just blogging random thoughts as they occur to me as I read books about survivors of Narcissistic Womb-Donors and Sperm-Donors.  Maybe that's part of the healing process given that I have not been able to find a face-to-face support group or therapist, in the DC Metro area, that is KNOWLEDGEABLE and EMPATHETIC toward survivors of NWomb-Donors and NSperm-Donors.

So far, NFrenemy has left me alone.  Thank God!!!!!!

BonesMS

[seasons]

To give a brief update, I did go back and post a longer response that basically stated that I have a right to feel my emotions and that no one has the right to tell me to "get over it" in regard to what NWomb-Donor did to me and others.  I stated that I have a right to have a voice.

Bones

You really hit a nerve, my heart with this.

Your voice is so full of brutal honesty. I'm happy your using it so "we" get to hear your beauty and strength. Bravo to you!!! seasons

So far, NFrenemy has left me alone.  Thank God!!!!!!

Great news.

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Seasons!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

This might be a sign of growth.  I'm starting to recognize NTrolls when they crawl out from under the bridge.  I received a message, on another board, clearly aimed at an attempt to bait me into giving her Narcissistic Supply.  My only response was short and sweet:  "Don't Feed the Trolls".

Bones

[Ami]

This might be a sign of growth.  I'm starting to recognize NTrolls when they crawl out from under the bridge.  I received a message, on another board, clearly aimed at an attempt to bait me into giving her Narcissistic Supply.  My only response was short and sweet:  "Don't Feed the Trolls".

Bones

LOL                            Ami

[BonesMS]

Another random thought or two that just occurred to me based on an observation from last night...

To give a bit of background....I went out to dinner, last night, with a group of friends to a buffet-style restaurant.  One of the foods was labeled "pork", but the way it was prepared, it was hard to tell what it really was.  (It looked delicious though!)  I got a serving of it and one of my friends also got a serving of it as well.  As soon as I put the first forkful in my mouth, I quickly realized that it was NOT pork...it tasted like crab cake to me.  Personally, I LOVE crab cake!  Unfortunately, for my friend, she is ALLERGIC to shellfish!  When we realized that the food had been mislabeled, it was immediately reported to the server, who acted like it was "no big deal", stated it was "just seafood", and removed the sign from the dish.  (I haven't heard yet whether or not my friend had a bad reaction.  However, we spoke to the manager about our concerns regarding putting customers' health at risk like this.)

This brought up some thoughts about that because a long time ago, I read a letter to an advice columnist about a "friend" who attempted to slip a serious allergen to the letter writer that could have killed her!  When this "friend" was confronted about her actions, her excuse was that  "Allergies do NOT exist!  It's ALL in someone's head!  And she was DETERMINED to PROVE SHE IS RIGHT AT ALL COSTS!"  (This so-called "friend" could have KILLED somebody with this type of nonsense!)

This led to the question:  "What kind of individual would DELIBERATELY violate someone's boundaries and put someone in harm's way just to 'prove a point'?"  Most likely a Narcissist!  In the N's mind, if SHE doesn't have any allergies, then allergies DON'T EXIST, PERIOD!  To make it worse, these types of N's probably wouldn't hesitate to violate someone else's boundaries and jeopardize someone else's LIFE in attempt to PROVE that THEIR opinions are the ONLY CORRECT OPINIONS!

I'll be doing more thinking......

Bones

[BonesMS]

Another random thought based on an observation from this past weekend.  It appears that N's could have criminal minds as well!!!!!

When I had to go to Meg-National Bank to take care of some business, the behavior of the person in front of me caught my attention.  She presented the teller with a business check, with the logo of Mega-National Bank prominently displayed, and asked to have it cashed.  The individual did NOT have any ID with her and, as it turned out, she did NOT have an account with Mega-National Bank.  The only thing she could provide was her fingerprint on the check.  I also got the sense that this check was for an amount of a good-sized chunk of change.

As per bank policy, the teller checked the bank records for the account of this business and discovered that there was NO RECORD OF THE ACCOUNT!!!  (I'm sensing a red flag here.)  The teller politely and professionally explained to the customer that there is no record of the business account with Mega-National Bank and, because there is no record of this account existing, the check could not be cashed.

The person, who had presented the check, got loud and demanding!  "What do you mean you can't cash this check?!?!?  There's the logo of Mega-National Bank right there!!!!!!"  The teller, again, tried to explain that they cannot cash a check written on a non-existent account.  The customer got nastier and demanded to speak to the manager!!!  (I'm seeing more red flags connected with this situation...i.e. check fraud, scamming, con-artist, forged check, fraudulent check, counterfeit check, etc.)  The manager was standing right there and heard the whole exchange from the beginning.  Before the manager could make a move, this person is on her cell-phone, calling someone and loudly complaining that the teller was RUDE to her!!!  (The teller was VERY POLITE while explaining bank policy.)

The bank manager offered to help and took the check in the back while this individual continued her, loud, cell-phone conversation.  When the bank manager returned, he politely explained that he was sorry to inform her but the check cannot be cashed because there is no record of this particular account ever existing with Mega-National Bank.  The customer got even nastier and demanded to speak with the manager's supervisor.  When it was explained that the supervisor would be in on Monday, she stormed out in a huff!  (I'm strongly thinking that this person was attempting to pass off a counterfeit check and got caught!  I wish the police had been contacted so they could have a little chat with her!) 

What got me was her sense of absolute ENTITLEMENT!  Her demands were clearly unreasonable!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

I thought I would go ahead and bump this back up as I'm sensing some discussions on boundary violations.

I'm NC with people that I've come to realize are N's.  Whenever I get tempted to contact one of them, I remind myself of why I went NC in the first place.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just blogging to vent.....

Is it just me, or has my awareness of NPD have my N-sensing radar becoming hyper-acute?

I encountered an N in my home community when she attempted to monopolize the ENTIRE meeting!!!!!  (Long Story!)

Bones