Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones, 

I feel like I should should ask if I can "chime in" but I think it is better than "lurking" here every day and eavesdropping on your thread. 
I wanted to tell you I "follow along" and say that so much of what you write echoes and resonates and validates many of the things I think, feel etc  and wanted to let you know that I may not be able to resist chiming in --  (not to imply that I have any Real way of Knowing any of that -- but my interpretation at least)
I had just read "Dear Abby" the other day right before you posted so I immediately knew what you meant about the cake woman -- on one hand, it would be so easy to write off her behavior but that means they all have to live with it!  So SHE gets lots of cake, everyone DREADS cake days and she wins every dream of making everyone uncomfortable --  DIABOLICAL!  I can hear Jeff Foxworthy saying, "she mi-ig-ht be a narcissist!"  And just reading the letter gave me one of the PTSD moments (minor?) -- not that exact situation but that "creeped out" feeling.  I am more sensitized than ever to wanting to "run for the hills" when anyone around starts displaying those traits.
Thanks again,
Biddy     

PS I get in trouble all the time for being too Blunt -- apologies in advance all!

Hi, Biddy!!!!!

You're more than welcome to "chime in"!  I LOVE the Jeff Foxworthy reference!!!!!!!   LOL!!!!!     And I can related to the "creeped out" feeling and the urge to run for the hills when dealing with anyone displaying Narcissistic traits!  BTW, I also tend to get blunt, in person, when someone attempts to violate boundaries....whether mine or someone else's.  If I may share an incident that occurred over the weekend.....

I was out to dinner with a group of like-minded people when the discussion came up regarding a recent science fiction convention.  (I've come to suspect that one of the members of our group is a Passive-Aggressive Narcissist.)  While talking about the convention, that some of the group members attended, this "P-A-N" started WHINING that another member DIDN'T GIVE HIM A WAKE-UP CALL!!!!!!  (Mind you, this P-A-N is FIFTY-SOMETHING YEARS OLD, has a BAD habit of laying around in bed UNTIL PAST NOON, and not only expects others to get him up, he goes so far as to DEMAND IT and then WHINES when others refuse to comply!)  As he continued to monopolize the conversation with his whining guilt-trip, I loudly barked at him:  "I BEG YOUR PARDON?!?!?!?  EXCU-U-U-SE ME?!?!?!?"  His response was to give us all the "blank stare".  (*Shakes head*)

Speaking of N's who seem to enjoy hijacking dinner conversations, like the P-A-N from this past weekend, today's "Dear Abby" might ring some familiar bells:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20100315

Bones

[Baddaughter]

Thanks, Bones!

I only have one friend left from the days when I was the world's doormat -- she occasionally now -- used to be frequent -- asks for a "wake up call" because she is a bigtime sleeper -- and when you make the call -- she invariably asks for a follow up call "in a little while!"  We go back 25 years and she is the least of the abusers that I used to have in my circle (The FOO leaps to mind) and she is the last and since I love her so and I know so much more now -- I continue our relationship --  we're also very attached to her hubby who is one of the best men I've ever known.  But the "wake up call" made me think of that.     As an adult, I try to cultivate mature relationships that I can depend on when I actually NEED something and try not to bug the heck out of people when I'm able to care for myself.  Her mild narcissism seems more like a bid for attention or love and she USUALLY doesn't push it past my total comfort zone -- although she used to.   And there is at least some reciprocation -- because if I am feeling like a big narcissistic baby -- she is the first one I call!

I'm so happy to be among you guys!  Have a great rest of the day!
Biddy

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Bones!

I only have one friend left from the days when I was the world's doormat -- she occasionally now -- used to be frequent -- asks for a "wake up call" because she is a bigtime sleeper -- and when you make the call -- she invariably asks for a follow up call "in a little while!"  We go back 25 years and she is the least of the abusers that I used to have in my circle (The FOO leaps to mind) and she is the last and since I love her so and I know so much more now -- I continue our relationship --  we're also very attached to her hubby who is one of the best men I've ever known.  But the "wake up call" made me think of that.     As an adult, I try to cultivate mature relationships that I can depend on when I actually NEED something and try not to bug the heck out of people when I'm able to care for myself.  Her mild narcissism seems more like a bid for attention or love and she USUALLY doesn't push it past my total comfort zone -- although she used to.   And there is at least some reciprocation -- because if I am feeling like a big narcissistic baby -- she is the first one I call!

I'm so happy to be among you guys!  Have a great rest of the day!
Biddy

Thanks, Biddy!

We probably all do tend to have some Narcissistic traits because we were treated as objects during our childhoods when all we wanted was to MATTER TO SOMEBODY AS A HUMAN BEING, NOT AS AN OBJECT.

When you describe how your friend would tell you to call back again after the initial wake-up call, that's EXACTLY what this guy does!!!!  He also whined about punctuality.  He doesn't see why being on time for ANYTHING should be important!  (And he wonders why he's still unemployed?  DUH!)

Have a great day, yourself!

Bones

[BonesMS]

I think one of the hardest things to be learned is finding our voices and squeaking up when we are being trampled on by Narcissists!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

Just checking in.

Bones

[KatG]

I think one of the hardest things to be learned is finding our voices and squeaking up when we are being trampled on by Narcissists!
Bones

It is for me!
How are you doing Bones (happy belated St. Patty's!)

[BonesMS]

I think one of the hardest things to be learned is finding our voices and squeaking up when we are being trampled on by Narcissists!
Bones

It is for me!
How are you doing Bones (happy belated St. Patty's!)

Thanks, KatG!

I'm hanging in there, one day at a time.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I'm feeling a bit frustrated with my health issues.   

Bones

[Hopalong]

I'm really sorry you have all that to cope with (((Bones))).

Hope you soak up some sunshine today.

love,

Hops

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hops!

It's almost 70 degrees today and the flowers are blooming!  I'm trying to enjoy in spite of the aggravations.

Bones

[swimmer]

Hope the flowers brought some cheer Bones:)

[BonesMS]

Hope the flowers brought some cheer Bones:)

Thanks, Swimmer!

They did!

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

Checking in.

Bones