Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Maybe just saying gentle things like, "I'd like to hear more about it" -- in a soft way, and then giving him space to open up a little or a lot or later...

or
"I am sad that you had such a hard time"

"I think you deserved a kind father"

"I am glad you had that visit with your mother" (instead of focusing on what he didn't do)

"I would like to hear more about your childhood, can you tell me another memory?"

(All of those start with your own feelings.)

And then just gentleness, as much as you feel.

xo
Hops

Those are good suggestions....

Thanks, Hops!

Bones

[BonesMS]

I'm waiting for an appropriate time to broach the subject again.

[Hopalong]

The moment will come to you, Bones.
Just the gentleness will give it space to happen.
(If he finds it's safe, emotionally, to confide in you, he may do it again.
Or he might shut down again if that's been his comfort zone for a long time...
if that happens, remember it's not your fault, just what he's used to.)

You taking good care of yourself these days?

I still wish you could enjoy a magnesium soak!

hugs
Hops

[BonesMS]

The moment will come to you, Bones.
Just the gentleness will give it space to happen.
(If he finds it's safe, emotionally, to confide in you, he may do it again.
Or he might shut down again if that's been his comfort zone for a long time...
if that happens, remember it's not your fault, just what he's used to.)

You taking good care of yourself these days?

I still wish you could enjoy a magnesium soak!

hugs
Hops

Thanks, Hops!

I've been trying to take care of myself the best I know how and continuing to find artistic things to do.

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

Just checking in.

[BonesMS]

I have to look back through this thread to find where I listed stuff to help recognize an N.

I need to add:

If they retaliate overtly/aggressively or covertly/passive-aggressively when you say "No" to their demand, they must be an N!

(If I haven't added this in other form already.)

Bones

[BonesMS]

I think I asked this question before about why not have a message posted as a "Sticky", so it doesn't disappear, about how to recognize an N, characteristic behaviors of N's, something like that.

For example, N's seem to have an attitude of ENTITLEMENT.  Two people I know have attempted to pull this stunt on a group of friends.  One of them happens to be the club president.  He attempted to demand that we give him the club treasury to use as his personal expense account BECAUSE HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE CLUB!     The club members all told him:  "NO WAY!!!!  This is money for the club, NOT to subsidize you!"  The second individual would show up at our dinner meetings, order food, then would beat feet when it came time to pay the tab...stiffing us with the cost of her meal!  Her excuse?  She referred to herself as one of the "founding" members of the club, therefore, she was ENTITLED to FREE MEALS at our expense!!!!     She got told:  "H*LL NO!!!!"  Then she tried to guilt me into paying for her dinner FOR HER in addition to paying for my own dinner!  I responded that she had already "burned that bridge" a long time ago!  I paid my own tab and left her standing there with her mouth hanging open!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just checking in.

A thought or two that just went through my brain as I was reading about CGM's NWomb-Donor keeping only the bills connected to raising CGM....that reminded me of when the NAunt, sister of NWomb-Donor, had to go into a nursing home.  The NAdopted sister and her NHusband went through the NAunt's house to clear it out.  The boxes of stuff they didn't want got dumped, (yes, dumped), on me to go through.  What was in those boxes?  Nothing but canceled checks without anything else connected to them to make ANY sense!  I shredded all of it!

This same NAdopted sister and her NHusband went through NWomb-Donor's house, cleared everything out, and stored it all in THEIR garage.  If there was anything that was mine, (e.g. baby booties, baby book, Christmas ornaments I had created, etc.), they were never returned to me.  The message I got was that I "didn't belong to THEIR family as I was nothing more than a retard and a pile of dog sh*t!"  I had to let all of that material stuff go and move on.

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

Having memory flashbacks this morning of being the family scapegoat.

[BonesMS]

 

[Hopalong]

Hang in there, ((((((((((Bones))))))))))

They don't have you in their clutches any more. They have NO more power over you.

(Don't give them any.)

hugs,

Hops

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hops.

Bones
===========================================================

Hang in there, ((((((((((Bones))))))))))

They don't have you in their clutches any more. They have NO more power over you.

(Don't give them any.)

hugs,

Hops