Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[sKePTiKal]

AH... yes... thanks! Sorry I didn't know that part.

I too, have people like that who show up in my life, from time to time... back from the time when I lived inside a brown paper bag over my head & stumbled around looking for answers to questions I hadn't even asked yet. Mostly I don't respond to them - and they don't know where I live. These days, there would be no reason for me to "know" them... and just because I did, doesn't mean I even remember any of what went on, when I was who I was, back then.

Life changes and so do a lot of the people in the circles; the inner circle stays the most stable - enduring relationships.

[BonesMS]

AH... yes... thanks! Sorry I didn't know that part.

I too, have people like that who show up in my life, from time to time... back from the time when I lived inside a brown paper bag over my head & stumbled around looking for answers to questions I hadn't even asked yet. Mostly I don't respond to them - and they don't know where I live. These days, there would be no reason for me to "know" them... and just because I did, doesn't mean I even remember any of what went on, when I was who I was, back then.

Life changes and so do a lot of the people in the circles; the inner circle stays the most stable - enduring relationships.

Thanks, P.R.!

[BonesMS]

Just got home a little while ago after dealing with many things all day.

Will talk later......

[BonesMS]

While I was out, I got a call last night from a neighbor about an injured cottontail rabbit that was only a baby.  I have no special training in treating wildlife injuries and tried to find resources when I got home at midnight.  Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful and the baby bunny died.   

Bones

[sKePTiKal]

awww.... poor bunny!

I tried to hand feed one with an eyedropper once... cow's milk just is wrong for bunnies, I think.

[BonesMS]

awww.... poor bunny!

I tried to hand feed one with an eyedropper once... cow's milk just is wrong for bunnies, I think.

I think they need bunny milk and, unfortunately, I had none.   

[sKePTiKal]

Well - you cared, Bones and you tried. Every time we do that, some of the ugly in life is cancelled out.

[BonesMS]

Well - you cared, Bones and you tried. Every time we do that, some of the ugly in life is cancelled out.

Thanks, P.R.

I wasn't in a good mood when I got home last night as I lost my cool at an N. 

I belong to a Star Trek Fan Club and, unfortunately, we have an N for a club captain.  We were attempting to have a club meeting last night to discuss plans for attending conventions, what is in the club budget, and so forth and, at every turn, the club captain kept turning things around to talk about himself.  What should have been a one-hour meeting to take care of club business dragged into THREE HOURS and he STILL kept talking about HIMSELF!  Finally, two of us, myself and the club officer taking the meeting minutes spoke up and said:  "Look, we need to move this meeting along.  We started at 7:00 PM and it is now 10:00 PM!  He got pissed off and snaps:  "WHAT IS IT ABOUT 10:00?!?!?!?  IF YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY, YOU CAN JUST LEAVE!!"  I started shouting that there are those of us who have been busy ALL DAY, IT'S LATE, AND WE.  ARE.  TIRED!!!!  There are also young children here and it is WA-A-A-Y PAST THEIR BEDTIME!  The officer taking the minutes also shouted:  "And there are those of us who CAN'T LEAVE!!!!  As you may have forgotten, this meeting is being hosted AT MY HOUSE!!!!  My PARENTS are also HERE and THIS MEETING IS KEEPING THEM UP!"

All we got in reply was the usual Glassy-eyed Blank Stare!  If there hadn't been children nearby, I probably would have gone upside his thick skull!!!!  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

Bones

[Guest]

Bones, your post made my day (and to qualify that, I've been reading a Snopes 'comments received' thread, but it was your post that broke me up).

Hope you have a good day today.

[BonesMS]

Bones, your post made my day (and to qualify that, I've been reading a Snopes 'comments received' thread, but it was your post that broke me up).

Hope you have a good day today.

Thanks, Freshwater!

[BonesMS]

Checking in.........

[BonesMS]

Spotted this just this morning:


http://www.linkedin.com/share?viewLink=&sid=s536381954&url=http%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2FPpK6Act&urlhash=8ylV&uid=5510391062113288193&trk=EML_nus_share-F2

[sKePTiKal]

Narcissists are brewed in families where feelings are denied, projected and not dealt with.

The children are not attended to emotionally. Maybe they are given lots of goodies, play every sport imaginable and always wear designer labels. And, some were just plain ignored. In both cases their feelings were not important. "A child too, can never grasp the fact that the same mother who cooks so well, is so concerned about his cough, and helps so kindly with his homework, in some circumstance has no more feeling than a wall of his hidden inner world." Alice Miller. If a child does not learn to identify feelings and have those feelings validated and acknowledged, that child does not learn to trust him or herself. If someone cannot tune into their own feelings and learn to responsibly process those feelings, how can they have empathy for others?

Hey Bones...

This to me, sounds like "You might be a narcissist IF..."

But it's not a given that even under those circumstances, a person becomes an N. I actually ran across this explanation of how N develops elsewhere and it kept me up nights worrying about myself - because ALL those conditions apply to my experience. I don't THINK I'm an N... because one of my problems is that I've been too "other-oriented", and too willing to "throw myself under the bus" for others. And I've been teased and made fun of all my life for being too empathetic and sympathetic to others... and not allowed to be angry about the teasing, either.

I wonder what you think about this? Every(any)one else?

[BonesMS]

Narcissists are brewed in families where feelings are denied, projected and not dealt with.

The children are not attended to emotionally. Maybe they are given lots of goodies, play every sport imaginable and always wear designer labels. And, some were just plain ignored. In both cases their feelings were not important. "A child too, can never grasp the fact that the same mother who cooks so well, is so concerned about his cough, and helps so kindly with his homework, in some circumstance has no more feeling than a wall of his hidden inner world." Alice Miller. If a child does not learn to identify feelings and have those feelings validated and acknowledged, that child does not learn to trust him or herself. If someone cannot tune into their own feelings and learn to responsibly process those feelings, how can they have empathy for others?

Hey Bones...

This to me, sounds like "You might be a narcissist IF..."

But it's not a given that even under those circumstances, a person becomes an N. I actually ran across this explanation of how N develops elsewhere and it kept me up nights worrying about myself - because ALL those conditions apply to my experience. I don't THINK I'm an N... because one of my problems is that I've been too "other-oriented", and too willing to "throw myself under the bus" for others. And I've been teased and made fun of all my life for being too empathetic and sympathetic to others... and not allowed to be angry about the teasing, either.

I wonder what you think about this? Every(any)one else?

Question:  The people who tease you about being too empathetic and sympathetic to others tell you that you are NOT allowed to be angry about THEIR teasing?  They sound like the N's to me.

I have to read that article again and explore the links before I can comment any further about it.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Here's a link to a survey.

http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/survey.php

The traits described could apply not only to the female parental unit; it can also apply to others that we have encountered.

Bones