Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

 

[sKePTiKal]

Hi...

well, dang it... I found some ideas that might help you, but it wasn't what I wanted to find. And you probably already know about these.... but operating on the premise that Mr. Duffus isn't as reliable as you need to feel secure... here's what I found for specific issues:

non-emergency transportation/med appts & social events (like taxis, they can't list a flat fee):
www.access-ride.com

medical alert systems:
www.medicalguardian.com / $29.95 mo
www.seniorsafety.com  /$23.95 mo

These are 365-24/7 monitored services and have either a bracelet or necklace button to "call" them. I couldn't get any assurance that they covered things like calling the police in the event of a break-in... but surely your complex has an alarm system, right? I would also check with your local hospital and your docs... about what else might be available, lower cost or free. I know MIL had a system like this; there was a fee which she thought was too much, so one of the sibs paid it. But it wasn't unaffordable for her... just the idea of paying for an electronic call service was unacceptable. Until she needed it.

Then, I ran across this...
www.familymattersdc.org

This is closer to the "all-purpose" kind of service organization I was thinking about... but... I have my doubts about this one. And I'm afraid, given your activity and interest that you're already familiar with them. But, they do have opportunities to volunteer... and that might help you connect with some "new" people. Sometimes just a change of scenery - and people - can give one a boost of energy.

There ought to be a way to post what you need & when... and match you up with someone willing to trade that favor... for one they need... or even with others in a group.

Just my opinion, but it seemed as if the medical emergency was your biggest worry. If you could manage to settle that one thing, it might just open up enough "space" for you to figure out the other ones.

If you could design the perfect support system for yourself, what would it be like, Bones?

[BonesMS]

Hi...

well, dang it... I found some ideas that might help you, but it wasn't what I wanted to find. And you probably already know about these.... but operating on the premise that Mr. Duffus isn't as reliable as you need to feel secure... here's what I found for specific issues:

non-emergency transportation/med appts & social events (like taxis, they can't list a flat fee):
www.access-ride.com

medical alert systems:
www.medicalguardian.com / $29.95 mo
www.seniorsafety.com  /$23.95 mo

These are 365-24/7 monitored services and have either a bracelet or necklace button to "call" them. I couldn't get any assurance that they covered things like calling the police in the event of a break-in... but surely your complex has an alarm system, right? I would also check with your local hospital and your docs... about what else might be available, lower cost or free. I know MIL had a system like this; there was a fee which she thought was too much, so one of the sibs paid it. But it wasn't unaffordable for her... just the idea of paying for an electronic call service was unacceptable. Until she needed it.

Then, I ran across this...
www.familymattersdc.org

This is closer to the "all-purpose" kind of service organization I was thinking about... but... I have my doubts about this one. And I'm afraid, given your activity and interest that you're already familiar with them. But, they do have opportunities to volunteer... and that might help you connect with some "new" people. Sometimes just a change of scenery - and people - can give one a boost of energy.

There ought to be a way to post what you need & when... and match you up with someone willing to trade that favor... for one they need... or even with others in a group.

Just my opinion, but it seemed as if the medical emergency was your biggest worry. If you could manage to settle that one thing, it might just open up enough "space" for you to figure out the other ones.

If you could design the perfect support system for yourself, what would it be like, Bones?

Thanks, P.R.

I have to do a lot of thinking as I'm aware of similar services in the city where I live.  The question is being physically able to call out for help when another emergency occurs plus the ability of the EMTs being able to access my building during the emergency.  When the fire department was here last week, I observed them punching codes into the keypads without success.  They had NO WAY to get into the building during an emergency!  They had to wait for a resident to come to the door and let them in!  If no one is aware that a medical emergency is occurring inside one of the units, the EMT's can't get in!  It's a mess!

[BonesMS]

I'm having mixed feelings about a new step I've taken and, at the same time, I don't know what else I could have done differently given my deep concerns for everyone's safety.

I contacted another neighbor, who lives on the third floor in a different building to discuss safety concerns.  We are both on the same committee dealing with a different issue.  During our conversation, I posed a hypothetical question to her:  "Given that she lives on the third floor of her building and she has mobility challenges, how would she get herself to safety should an emergency occur and the elevator is unavailable?"  She responded:  "Excellent question but have absolutely NO idea!"  She is very aware of the issues that have been going on and had asked the Board, herself, about the problem of EMT's getting in should there be a medical emergency.  The reason I have mixed feelings is (a) I think she's an N, (b) even if she is an N, no one deserves to be endangered because the Board doesn't want to deal with Emergency Preparedness, (c) I'm tired of being the lone voice howling in the wilderness and need some sort of alliance somewhere, (d) I'm hoping I'm not opening a can of worms because I involved her.  If she's willing to grab the ball and run with it, that takes the burden off of me.

I'm probably be thinking of more reasons why I am uneasy about this alliance.

[BonesMS]

The first letter is clearly about a Narcissist!

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/help-for-mentally-ill-mary.html

And, as usual, the Annies are as CLUELESS AS EVER!!!!   

Quite a few comments "below the line" GET IT because they've dealt with N's!  One refers to her own sister as "Narcissa"!

[BonesMS]

I think Mr. Useless Doufous finally got pissed off because I kept telling him that he needs to take responsibility for his own messes and that I am NOT his mother, housekeeper, nor maid.  This argument has been going back and forth since March 2001!  That's right, nearly ELEVEN YEARS, when he first brought in his FILTHY birdcages that were infested with cockroaches!  I've been fighting his cockroaches ever since even though I have asthma.

For awhile, he would bring me his version of insecticide that was supposed to be safe around the birds.  Common sense should have told him that when it is sprayed on cockroaches, eventually the bottle will need to be replaced with a FULL one.  He would always wait until I was completely out, ignoring requests and reminders, and give me the excuse that he would "get round to it later".

This past week, after reminding AGAIN that I'm completely OUT of his version of insecticide and that the roaches are WORSE, once again I got the usual "I'll get round to it later" routine.  I told him that since he won't do what he is responsible to do, then I will do what I HAVE TO DO to fight the cockroaches!  He ignored me so I got a can of HotShot and started spraying in the hallways and in my home office.  (I told him that I was going to do this if he didn't do anything.)

This morning, when I got up, I discovered that he had showed up, overnight, took his last bird cage and left garbage and cockroach mess behind.  DAMN CREEP!!!!

[sKePTiKal]

Well Bones...

I like birds - outside. The one time someone brought his bird to my house, I threatened to pop the little winged sabateur in the toaster oven... because that Mr. liked to let the bird fly around the apt ... and the bird's favorite perch (and poop spot) was the canvas I was working on, on the easel.

Think you'll see/hear from Mr. Useless? Will you miss him?

[BonesMS]

Well Bones...

I like birds - outside. The one time someone brought his bird to my house, I threatened to pop the little winged sabateur in the toaster oven... because that Mr. liked to let the bird fly around the apt ... and the bird's favorite perch (and poop spot) was the canvas I was working on, on the easel.

Think you'll see/hear from Mr. Useless? Will you miss him?

I guess what hurts the most is finally realizing that the person, who I thought was a friend, or even more than a friend, was simply seeing me as an "It", a "Convenience", a "Storage Space", and that he never saw me as a human being with feelings.  Once I was no longer "convenient", he's gone.

I hear you about the bird flying loose and pooping on your stuff.  Mr. Useless did that with his birds too and laughed while the birds pooped on my belongings.  When I started yelling and throwing things, then his reaction would be:  "Oh.  Does this need attention?"

Knowing that I have a lot of acquaintances but NO 3-D friends who see me as a worthwhile human being hurts.

[Hopalong]

I'm really sorry (((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))).

xxxooo

Hops

[BonesMS]

I'm really sorry (((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))).

xxxooo

Hops

Thanks, Hops.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to be able to do financially and medically.

[BonesMS]

The Annies in today's column are as clueless as ever!

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/curbing-self-indulgent-mom.html

I'm also trying to take each day one at a time. 

Regarding Mr. Useless, I knew this day would eventually come and it's not what he did at the end that bothered me, it was the WAY he did it that was so hurtful.  I look back over the time we had and I'm now recognizing RED FLAGS all over the place that should have warned me long before now.  I FEEL SO STUPID!

[sKePTiKal]

awww Bones, you're not stupid.

Sometimes our silly brains trick us into ignoring or excusing all those red flags... because we want; we need to have some connections with other people. Happens to me, too. How's your Plan B and C coming along?

[BonesMS]

awww Bones, you're not stupid.

Sometimes our silly brains trick us into ignoring or excusing all those red flags... because we want; we need to have some connections with other people. Happens to me, too. How's your Plan B and C coming along?

Thanks, P.R.

I'm still trying to figure out what Plan B and Plan C is.  I'm still putting one foot in front of the other and trying to stick to a regular routine until I'm able to think of something.  One of my regular morning routines is reading advice columns.  This one sounds painfully familiar:

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20120204

[BonesMS]

I couldn't respond to Starlight on her thread and I wanted to respond to her quote:

"Social workers only work for those who will eventually and forever will be on disability or welfare or whatever. They don't have the ability to help me. They help people to be helpless.

Moving on.



I don't expect you to "get it". I just need to complain about it though. "

Starlight, I hear you and I GET IT!  I've dealt with social workers who are absolutely CLUELESS about disabilities and everything else that can knock our feet out from under us!  I'm convinced that they all live in La-La Land!

[Meh]