Author Topic: What help can a parent or sibling or a narcisstic adult offer?  (Read 2973 times)


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What help can a parent or sibling or a narcisstic adult offer?
« on: January 17, 2008, 04:58:37 AM »
I believe my sister may be a moderately impaired with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ("NPD").  Growing up, the only way I could cope was to remove myself from her poisonous company.  Unfortunately, my parents bore the brunt of her rages and only in the past two years, have I managed to persuade my parents to move halfway around the world to live with me and thus, remove them from her company as well.  Although at 32, she is a legal adult, she still behaves like a spoiled child, unjustifiably and unkindly blaming my parents for a range of disappointments in her life.  She is now seeing a psychologist who has helped her to "recall" a memory of my deceased maternal grandfather physically abusing her as a child during his only visit to our family.  Although we have subsequently reminded her that our grandfather's visit was not during the period that she recalled, she is still clinging tenaciously to this theory and continues to blame both our grandfather and my mother for this abuse, which she believes explains all her troubles - inability to have successful, intimate relationships, indebtedness, drug abuse, alcoholism, etc. - for which she refuses to take any personal responsibility.  She is now visiting us and I have refused to be drawn into her delusional discussions.  However, my parents remain a "captive audience" (figuratively speaking) for another week more.  I'm wondering if there is any help - genuine, constructive help - that I can offer to her before she returns home.  Is there even any treatment for her condition?  It is highly unlikely that she will continue with treatment after her departure, as she never sees herself as the problem.  I'm not even sure how I can broach her about this subject.  Are there any materials that I can turn to on treating children/siblings with NPD?


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Re: What help can a parent or sibling or a narcisstic adult offer?
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2008, 07:15:33 AM »
Dear Sister 1:

I am so sorry to hear of your plight and the problems this sibling is causing you.  The difficulty is that NPDs do not think there is anything wrong with them, so they do not wish to either present for treatment or undergo any treatment.  They think it is the rest of us who are wrong!

In any case, and I am sure you will read or see this in any material you draw up from amongst the vast amount of writing on the subject of NPD which you will find on the net, it is not your job to "fix" this person.  Only a mental health professional can do that, and the chances of her wanting help are slim.

Any treatment is only geared to adapting the NPD's frightful behaviour;  there is no cure.  This person will only make your life a misery if you let her.  My own view is just let her go.  She must find her own way, she is an adult, you are not her therapist.

There is a book I recommended on here by a Professor Jeremy Holmes (a consultant psychiatrist and researcher on these disorders).  It is simply called "Narcissism".  You could I think get it on Amazon, I think the publisher is Totem Books.  It is a short readable book, of some 70 pages.

Take care, and think and look after yourself.
All the best