Before I go further with this story, I have to give you more details in order to have balance. As we all no, nobody is innocent totally in any relationship. We've been at least partly to blame for things ourselves. It just that with a Narcissist suffering with NPD.......things are off the scale of normal! Although I think you was 'Satan'...
I don't wish to 'demonise'! I can be 'hard work' to!
I've written and posted a piece when I first came on to this site which may be helpful in explaining things. It's header is 'Controversial Issue' and it attempts to cover the dynamics of our relationship. Essentially, I believe that I was an active, if unknowing party to our relationship.
I was divorcing my ex wife and moving from one familly situation to another also. Although my wife and I had seperated before meeting Cathy, I wasn't fully available in the true sense of the word.
My wife and I had built our businesses together. Our relationship was therefore more complicated than most to dissolve. Our seperation and ultimate divorce was however, fairly pain free. We did and still do have a lot of professional respect for each other. And we we're both at pains not to cock up the girls lives in any shape, form or fashion. As adults, we'd come to a parting of the waves.......it was mutual.
However.....Cathy saw this as a big issue! In her opinion, I should have kicked by wife out from the big house and 'made her stand on her own two feet!' I should have gotten what was mine and not been so generous. I should have screwed her for every penny. The businesses were mine, I'd built them up and according to Cathy's thinking, I was being way to soft!
My reasons were simple. I'd lived a life with my ex wife and I know that Cathy's grasp of my marriage was wrong. Above all actually, I was being a coward.! I tried to explain repeatedly that in giving my ex the house and the businesses, she was doing me a favour! Why........because I could feel guilt free. I knew the family would be safe and that therefore I could go on with my life without worrying! I also could start over agian, I was only 35 and I do have an ability. Cathy thought very differently and as such, things like the above were a constant source of antagonism over the years!
I also spent time still in my ex wifes company; we were active Directors of the same company. We employed 80 people in 3 sites. I also was welcomed at my old house. We tried to put as normal a face on things for our 6 8 and 9 year old daughters. We'd even eat dinner together at times. Neither of us wanted to see the children damaged in any way! It was a process of doing things slowly over time......and not to rush things. Allow the children to adjust without any sudden shocks. They new we'd seperated and they knew I was live with Cathy.
As I've written, I hadn't long been seperated when I first met Cathy and I hadn't planned to be in a relationship again sooooo fast. It was however overpowering..........I wasn't so much in-love, and infatuated.....I know think.
Looking back at things, I believe that I left myself wide open. Not only for what happened, but for a person with NPD to exploit the situation fully. As I shall explain later, my situation was a positive bonus for a person with NPD to hide behind. I believe that I was constantly manipulated over issues that really she couldn't give a damn about! I believe that she would use things like this in order to maximise the attention and finacial benefits occordingly. Cathy had prior to meeting me, had a number of relationships with older guys who guess what.........had some cash! She was younger than me.........but a lot cleverer in many ways.......smart gal!
