What the truth is meaning to me~~~~~ Therapist today~~Question Post2

[Izzy_*now*]

What the truth is meaning to me

I have found that sometimes I have thoughts but never searched for the truth regarding those thoughts………

1.) That people remember me only because of the wheelchair

I met a gal, re my work, last summer, we hit it off and have by email ever since. Last week at the Office she came in and said “Hi Izzy”, as I was speaking with another woman. I drew a blank and asked, “Lyn?” and she said . “No Ilse!!” I was embarrassed but covered and I emailed her when I was back home. I apologized and said that her face had not embedded itself in my mind, as I so often think when I meet someone, depending on the circumstances, that I will never see them again, so….. and she admitted she wouldn’t have known me except for the wheelchair.

That made me feel good.

2.) Confronting a trusted friend with the truth

The friend of 47 years who came to see me, would never acknowledge ‘my truths’ in my emails, so I finally asked her, “Why? Was she is denial?” and she said “Yes. She thinks if she ignores it, it will go away/heal!” After she was back home she sent me an email about all the things over which she was in denial and she wanted to do something about it, if she only knew what all these things were, besides her crack-addicted daughter.” Sounded like me so I sent her a list from my perspective, and a list of the things I had conquered by getting them into the open. (We have both changed a lot in 47 years. After her ‘62 wedding, I never saw her again until they came to my daughter’s wedding on’84, then again when I moved here and saw her in’99--meanwhile we wrote letters.)

That made me feel good for us.

3.) One to find out about…

Another friend of 47 years, also connected to the gal above. I attended her wedding in ’61 and never saw her again until ‘81, a vacation to Baton Rouge for D and me and not since. She calls but she is always drunk. I call her and she is sober and the call is short and she doesn’t remember what she told me during her calls.
I ordered a book about my Grandson’s near death adventure to be sent to her and then sent her a 5 page letter. I was open and honest about me and I mentioned some things she said when inebriated and asked if they were true…….. as if they are, then her marriage is over and has been for 15 years. I want to know if my friends are hurting!

I didn’t feel guilty about questioning her, or…

[Izzy_*now*]

I saw the therapist today, as he still had my book about my grandson's near death adventure. He still has it, as he had just read the parts I suggested, if he didn't have time. Now he wants to read it ALL.

I mentioned about the 3 separate co-ordinates for the rescue team from Iceland. and all were wrong-- G'son's, what his father (my N ex s-i-law) took down over the satelitte phone and the satellite phone's records.

As the helicopter left Iceland and was flying to one of the coordinates, there was a mysterious light in the Ocean that blinked 3 times. They locked in that Coordinate and went on. Nothing at all 3 so they returned to the mysterious one and they found my g'son near death hanging onto his uncle's dead body. That's something eh? and G'son was praying but boat was sunk, he'd lost his emergency pack and there was absolutely nothing near him that would blink 3 times

He agreed with my seeking little truths here and there as these are what make us feel more validated, just as large truths do.

He asked if I had pictures of all 5 of them to show him. Is that uncommon?
Izzy

[Hopalong]

I think it's wonderful, Izzz.
And what a fascinating twist...the 3-blinks from a mysterious source.

In my life, the good therapist/s have been those who cared enough to be interested.
It's not terribly uncommon...I'll bet your T finds you as fascinating as the rest of us do!

You should get involved in an oral history project, Izz...your stories should be recorded.
You have given me indelible images of a harsh farm childhood, labor the likes of which most of us never endured as kids...and your clear and revelaing memories of your grandparents, your parents, the chores...ALL of it is fascinating.

Did you ever read The Dwelling Place by Catherine Cookson? Bit of a melodrama, but I think of that book sometimes when I think of your childhood. Very similar heroines, you being one!

xo
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

Oh, thank you, Hops,

I appreciate all you said.
Yes there are some fascinating/out of this world stories. That is something else about the 3 blinking lights when all was sunk before.

When I talk with the therapist , I realize I am very animated and laugh a lot, even at the sad things, and I think he now is grasping the idea that I know in my head I have feelings but I am not going, never did go, through the blackest time of my life, with excruciating pain to realize that it was my FOO that led to my being how I am.

I read GS as Wordkeeper and 'feel' her pain over the very same thing..................realizing that her FOO was the beginning of  it all..........I knew it all along. It wan't a revelation, but dealing with it became my challenge, and I have.............and the realization it was under my nose the whole while.

No I haven't read The Dwelling Place" but the name does sound familiar!!!!


xxx
Izzy