Author Topic: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)  (Read 2666 times)

Ami

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Re: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2009, 08:02:57 PM »
Thank God for you, Lise. I was praying you would understand. I was "thinking" maybe she won't get it and I will be all alone ,out in the middle of the board like a pariah.
 I am so relieved that you understand totally.
 I wrote to my friend and told him that if he didn't want anything more to do with me b/c I am too heavy ,it is OK. I thought,"Why does he even like me?"
 However, the fact that you understand makes it OK.I am not alone .   Love you to pieces, Lise!      Ami



PS If you had not been brave enough to share your pain, I could never have been this vulnerable. Your life experience makes you uniquely able to handle other people w/out shaming them. It is beautiful even though you had to suffer SOOO much to get there! You can be used in a way that few others can to help people in DEEP pain!
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2009, 09:33:59 PM »
Hi Ami,

I'm glad that I can be here for you. Shame and anger go together, at least that is my experience. Our needs as child were wound up in shame; we, our thoughts and hearts, took on years of negative messages about ourselves/needs that buried us in the shame of being human and having needs. Under the anger is shame and under the shame is more anger, at least for me, I have been finding and digging up so much pain, loss, shame and just pure suffering that I sometimes feel that it will never change. The only action that ever allows for change is not the world around me but just allowing the suffering in my own heart...it is just so hard and that is why so few people take the journey down into the heart.

Your taking that journey...it is hard.

When I talk about that someone who told me to lighten-up, they had my best interest at heart. They also might have been feeling hurt or bothered by my recent depth of acting out and pain, understandable. I try to stay open to seeing things from other people's perspective, it saves me from falling into so much pain. But it is HARD to so and when we are already in our wound we are just more vulnerable.

Just like a year ago when someone told me to be gentle to myself and it was a traumatic experience; there were many many factors going on at that time that that person did not know about and could not comprehend, not their fault, they were just trying to be helpful with my best interest at heart, again. Your aunt and you have a close relationship, unless something has changed since I have been on the board?

Anyway, I am not going to invalidate your reality of shame around what she said and how much it hurt you.

« Last Edit: August 13, 2009, 09:37:52 PM by Gabben »

Ami

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Re: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)
« Reply #17 on: August 13, 2009, 09:47:07 PM »
Dear Lise
 She told me she did not mean it as it sounded BUT I learned that *I* have so much shame and I don't want it.*I* want to unearth it so it does not get triggered by a person, well meaning or not. KWIM? *I* want to control my shame not give it over to  others.
          Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)
« Reply #18 on: August 13, 2009, 10:10:23 PM »
I want to unearth it so it does not get triggered by a person, well meaning or not. KWIM? *I* want to control my shame not give it over to  others.

You are unearthing your shame, just feeling it, owning it and dissecting it by staying with whatever truth comes out of it for you. There is healthy shame and then there is unhealthy shame. Sometimes we should feel ashamed when we are doing and acting wrong, but the difference is that it is far easier to own the healthy shame than the unhealthy shame (at least it should be), that is becuase the unhealthy shame is NOT ours, it may be someone else's shame that gets dumped on our hearts when we were little and then even now as adults. Know one like to have to admit they are wrong, right?

I have no idea what I am writing, just here, needing....

seasons

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Re: What does BPD feel like.....(Video)
« Reply #19 on: August 13, 2009, 10:52:25 PM »
Quote
Dear Lise
 She told me she did not mean it as it sounded BUT I learned that *I* have so much shame and I don't want it.*I* want to unearth it so it does not get triggered by a person, well meaning or not. KWIM? *I* want to control my shame not give it over to  others.
          Ami

It's so painful giving ourselves over to others, being so breakable. It hurts when our pain is dismissed, I've been hurt by this also and can empathize with ((you)).

Ami and Lise thank you both for sharing so much. It connects where it hurts....yet feels right to acknowledge it.
      seasons ox
"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou