3 to 4 spots on my liver and swollen lymph node

[KatG]

((((((Overcomer Kelly))))))
.....sending you prayers and good energy....

[Overcomer]

Well I went to a Sarcoma specialist yesterday and he thought what I have is probably a spread of disease.  Point blank.  We will know after a PET scan today and an ultrasound on Friday.

I did it.  Gosh darn it.  I told my mom I would not work and that my h and I were looking for less expensive housing.  Then I said, "You wouldn't want to buy our house would you?"  I told myself I would not ask or beg and Baaam!!  there I did it.  Why oh why can't I keep my mouth shut?  Probably because I really don't want to move.  She is probably thinking what if I die and then h would get the house and does she want him to have it?  I don't know how she thinks. 

If I get disability it will be far less than what I get now.....but at least it is something!!!!!

So we look at less expensive houses...

[Ami]

Kelly

Maybe it is not.Could that still be?         Ami

[teartracks]

 (or


Hi Kelly,

I’m sending you big hugs and loving support and all good wishes for all your plans and dreams.

tt

[Overcomer]

THis is the ultimate test and she is failing.  I have sent her two emails talking directly about what I want and need from her.  I told her I didn't want to beg and that she always runs into save the day.  I told her I didn't want to ask.  She is just ignoring those emails.

My brother said it and I believe it.  She just does not get it.  She just does not get it.  Just once I wish she could surprise me......but I guess I am not going to hold my breath.  I could die.  So if she dies I get an inheritance but if I die I get nothing?  Is that the way it works??

[BonesMS]

THis is the ultimate test and she is failing.  I have sent her two emails talking directly about what I want and need from her.  I told her I didn't want to beg and that she always runs into save the day.  I told her I didn't want to ask.  She is just ignoring those emails.

My brother said it and I believe it.  She just does not get it.  She just does not get it.  Just once I wish she could surprise me......but I guess I am not going to hold my breath.  I could die.  So if she dies I get an inheritance but if I die I get nothing?  Is that the way it works??

((((((((((((((((((((((Overcomer Kelly)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Unfortunately, N's REFUSE to see that others can and do get sick with physical issues/disabilities.  N's persist in seeing us as ONLY OBJECTS to be used/abused for THEIR CONVENIENCE and THEIR WHIMS!  In THEIR LITTLE WORLDS, if their OBJECTS OF POSSESSION DARE to become sick or disabled, these N's take it as a personal insult.  In their microscopic little minds, these N's are most likely thinking:  "How DARE they INCONVENIENCE MY ROYAL PERSON!  I OWN THEM!  THEY MUST INSTANTLY DROP THEIR ILLNESSES FOR MY ROYAL CONVENIENCE!"  And when that doesn't work, then these N's attempt to shove the now-inconvenient possession off onto others with the attitude of "out of sight, out of mind".

Does my perception seem to make sense?

More hugs for

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Overcomer Kelly))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[Overcomer]

Well, she couldn't be bothered by my dad's needs and he died.

She makes these grand gestures like, "Can I pick something up at the grocery store for you?"  I am not in bed, sick from chemo, I am a woman who might have cancer and it hasn't debilitated me yet.  What I want is for her to pay off my house so I don't have to move or work......

[Ami]

N's are like 4-5 year olds--literally. If they don't want to deal with something , they make YOU bad so they don't have to.Based on knowing you for a long time and hearing your experiences with NM, I think she WILL come through at the last minute.She always does!
Am I right, Kelly?     Ami

[Overcomer]

ONLY if I beg.  I have to ask.  She is in denial.  She will deny I have anything wrong with me.  She told my brother to be completely positive and upbeat with me.  What I want is for her to vow her love for me and wail and cry and ask me not to die.  She doesn't get me......she doesn't get it.  She just doesn't get it and for that I am so angry and hurt.  I want her to be my hero but she just won't......

[JustKathy]

"How DARE they INCONVENIENCE MY ROYAL PERSON!  I OWN THEM!  THEY MUST INSTANTLY DROP THEIR ILLNESSES FOR MY ROYAL CONVENIENCE!"

OMG. This is EXACTLY what my mother is doing to my sister right now. Both of them have cancer. My mother is terminal, and she sees this as her final curtain call. She is the dying queen, who everyone must rally around and lavish with attention. At age 75, she has also lived a very long life, and is not dying a premature death.

My sister, on the other hand, is only 48. She has had six surgeries so far for her breast cancer, with major complications. My mother is actually angry that S is taking attention away from her. She acts as if my sister is doing this on purpose to steal the spotlight. She is mistreating her very sick daughter. Sadly, my sister is my mother's puppet, and is putting up with this abuse because she doesn't dare stand up for herself and anger the queen. I think the stress is actually making her condition worse.

Dr. G is so right in saying that you deserve a normal mother, now more than ever. I think we all have that hope that one day our NMs will surprise us, and suddenly change, and become a good person in the end. When I found out that my mother had terminal cancer, I had that hope. I wanted her to realize that she was nearing the end, and to feel remorse. I wanted her to apologize. Most of all, I wanted her to tell me that she loved me. I found out very quickly that my hope was really a big fantasy. M is more than content to go to her grave without making amends as a final "F You" to me. How sad is that?

Kelly, please don't let your M zap your strength, weaken you, or cause you unnecessary stress. Not now. Ns don't change. They CAN'T change. They have a sickness. The only thing you can do is rid yourself of them. Time spent dealing with an N is time wasted - time that could be spent caring for yourself. There is only one person who matters right now, and that is YOU. Please take care of yourself. There is much to be said about the power of positive thinking. Love, support, and positive energy CAN be healing. Now is the time to focus on the positive. Don't let her hurt you anymore.

[Hopalong]

I'm so sorry, Kell.
I know her nature adds to your grief, and at a scary time when one needs a capable mother more than ever.

I want her to be my hero but she just won't......

Hon: she just can't.

As hard as it is, accepting this all the way through your mind, rooting out every little remaining bit of denial, will give you peace, I believe.

love,
Hops

[Meh]

~~~~~~Sending prayers out to you~~~~~~

[Ami]

Yes, that is part of what I am realizing.We want a mother so badly and we keep believing that she will come through.
       Ami

[BonesMS]

Well, she couldn't be bothered by my dad's needs and he died.

She makes these grand gestures like, "Can I pick something up at the grocery store for you?"  I am not in bed, sick from chemo, I am a woman who might have cancer and it hasn't debilitated me yet.  What I want is for her to pay off my house so I don't have to move or work......

NDoofuses just DON'T GET IT, even when we EXPLAIN THE OBVIOUS REPEATEDLY to them!  Frustrating, isn't it?

(((((((((((((((((((((((Overcomer Kelly))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[BonesMS]

"How DARE they INCONVENIENCE MY ROYAL PERSON!  I OWN THEM!  THEY MUST INSTANTLY DROP THEIR ILLNESSES FOR MY ROYAL CONVENIENCE!"

OMG. This is EXACTLY what my mother is doing to my sister right now. Both of them have cancer. My mother is terminal, and she sees this as her final curtain call. She is the dying queen, who everyone must rally around and lavish with attention. At age 75, she has also lived a very long life, and is not dying a premature death.

My sister, on the other hand, is only 48. She has had six surgeries so far for her breast cancer, with major complications. My mother is actually angry that S is taking attention away from her. She acts as if my sister is doing this on purpose to steal the spotlight. She is mistreating her very sick daughter. Sadly, my sister is my mother's puppet, and is putting up with this abuse because she doesn't dare stand up for herself and anger the queen. I think the stress is actually making her condition worse.

Dr. G is so right in saying that you deserve a normal mother, now more than ever. I think we all have that hope that one day our NMs will surprise us, and suddenly change, and become a good person in the end. When I found out that my mother had terminal cancer, I had that hope. I wanted her to realize that she was nearing the end, and to feel remorse. I wanted her to apologize. Most of all, I wanted her to tell me that she loved me. I found out very quickly that my hope was really a big fantasy. M is more than content to go to her grave without making amends as a final "F You" to me. How sad is that?

Kelly, please don't let your M zap your strength, weaken you, or cause you unnecessary stress. Not now. Ns don't change. They CAN'T change. They have a sickness. The only thing you can do is rid yourself of them. Time spent dealing with an N is time wasted - time that could be spent caring for yourself. There is only one person who matters right now, and that is YOU. Please take care of yourself. There is much to be said about the power of positive thinking. Love, support, and positive energy CAN be healing. Now is the time to focus on the positive. Don't let her hurt you anymore.

((((((((((((((((((((((((JustKathy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones