Author Topic: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)  (Read 4589 times)

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #165 on: January 02, 2024, 03:43:46 PM »
I'm pretty awed by your ability to hold detachment in the midst of someone's explosion, Amber. I can imagine you as the best kind of law enforcement person...objective, controlled, analytical when it helps, and cool as a giant cucumber. WOW.

I'm the cowering bunny wabbit but accept that about myself. I think the "directions to the exit" in my mind during such an encounter will only be directions for me. My best take on explosiveness is that I choose to pull away, make tracks, head for an exit to peaceful or empty space and say an inner NO.

You have so many options because of your ability to defuse yourself. I'd be reactive as hell, afraid, hurt feelings, shock...but also not judgement. Of me or Explosive One.

Hol's very lucky in how deeply you respect her. Her autonomy, intelligence, ability to grow and learn as you are her witness. Not her only one, but a key one.

I'm glad you're not her target as you sometimes used to be. Makes all the difference.

(Especially as I contemplate the possibility that, gradually, my D might be wishing to re-enter my life. No immediate danger of that, but it's a road I think I'll be walking at some point.)

Thanks for sharing all this. Gave me a lot to think about. You do awe me.

hugs and Happy NY, friend--
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

sKePTiKal

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #166 on: January 03, 2024, 12:32:39 PM »
I know our methods aren't for everyone, Hops. That's perfectly valid, because we're all different. Even Hol & I mark out the very significant differences between her and I, yet we can both work through this method, together. I was a young single mom, trying to understand and help this "force of nature" child navigate her life. And structure and authority weren't going to work; my intuition had survived well enough my own trials to bridge the gap and calm her down. Her self regulation has gotten pretty damn good now but behind that can still be a lot of self-doubt and questions. She's beginning to work with acceptance, albeit in a tentative way.

I like the differences between people and sharing a bit of what's behind the differences. Her group of lady friends have been both entertaining and instructive. A couple of them have lost their moms, so I'm usually welcomed as long as I don't go full-on professor and lecture!! My conversational skills have improved a lot. LOLOLOLOL.

Weather permitting, she'll have some more company of "the ladies" this weekend for her birthday.
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #167 on: January 03, 2024, 04:58:56 PM »
This is SO cool!

Quote
Her group of lady friends have been both entertaining and instructive. A couple of them have lost their moms, so I'm usually welcomed as long as I don't go full-on professor and lecture!! My conversational skills have improved a lot.

I have discovered my belly-laughing cure for any shade of blue:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1E_6l5jD90

This guy is a GENIUS. Only gets better as he continues. (This link is when he started, keep looking for later ones.) What a gift!

Here's a later, better one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_umiudMZa8

"Why dost Thou tempteth me?"   I'm DYYYING....LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: January 03, 2024, 05:17:03 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #168 on: January 03, 2024, 07:04:14 PM »
I just remembered to hold space for not knowing everything. What I do know is....
 you, Amber and Hops, love your children and have the best possible intentions toward them.

We're all doing our best. 

Lighter



Hopalong

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #169 on: January 04, 2024, 08:39:24 AM »
Thanks, Lighter....was just going to add a word on Mothering Again.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: '23 - The Adventure Continues ;)
« Reply #170 on: January 04, 2024, 03:40:04 PM »
Just hold on to what you know helps, Hops. 

You've done things one way for a very long time.

 You're doing things differently now and changing things for yourself.

 That takes mindfulness and returning to center, over and over.  COWs happen. How one deals with them is the only change, IME.

I'm hoping your DD stops repeating old habits and embraces new habits too, but that's up to her.

You're doing what you can and that's exactly right.

Lighter