I'm pretty awed by your ability to hold detachment in the midst of someone's explosion, Amber. I can imagine you as the best kind of law enforcement person...objective, controlled, analytical when it helps, and cool as a giant cucumber. WOW.
I'm the cowering bunny wabbit but accept that about myself. I think the "directions to the exit" in my mind during such an encounter will only be directions for me. My best take on explosiveness is that I choose to pull away, make tracks, head for an exit to peaceful or empty space and say an inner NO.
You have so many options because of your ability to defuse yourself. I'd be reactive as hell, afraid, hurt feelings, shock...but also not judgement. Of me or Explosive One.
Hol's very lucky in how deeply you respect her. Her autonomy, intelligence, ability to grow and learn as you are her witness. Not her only one, but a key one.
I'm glad you're not her target as you sometimes used to be. Makes all the difference.
(Especially as I contemplate the possibility that, gradually, my D might be wishing to re-enter my life. No immediate danger of that, but it's a road I think I'll be walking at some point.)
Thanks for sharing all this. Gave me a lot to think about. You do awe me.
hugs and Happy NY, friend--
Hops