Time to go back to the beginning of the saga.
Wednesday, was the court date for the original arrest - drunk & disorderly, resisting arrest - in my state. A blacked out during this incident, and therefore doesn't remember a lot of what she did. She was arguing, swearing at the boys - who were trying to calm her down and other passengers. Amtrak removed her from the train at one of their stations hours west of where I live. She continued with this behavior, and conveniently, the police station was across the street... the station officials had her arrested. At which point, DSS got involved because the boys were now unsupervised. More like abandoned, to my way of thinking. The 10 days in jail which A served, was for an additional charge: contempt of court. Guess she told the magistrate what she thought of the charges... and tried to push her delusional version of events into being harassed and denied her rights. Just a guess. It was probably uglier than that, given what I've seen since.
She actually appeared in court, with a lawyer. The charges were DISMISSED.
::shrug:: Who knows why? She is not a state resident; her state's DSS was already involved in additional charges; she has been SAYING that she's getting treatment (we can't verify that); and maybe they simply didn't want to have to deal with her again. (The last bit, I can understand.)
I have not spoken to her, since I was there. I really needed the space away from the crazy. She called Thursday... I was expecting a call from my CPA... and noticed as I was picking up, who it was. So, OK - I'd bite the bullet and talk to her. (Everything I know up to this point, has come through my other D - H...). My curiosity was getting the better of me... was anything sinking in yet? With her claims of being 30 days sober, was she any more rational? (We know about curiosity and cats... but I took the leap, anyway.)
So, from her conversation about the dismissal, it's clear that she thinks all she will be required to do is appear to be going through the "treatment" - which includes AA, substance abuse counseling, and she is seeing a personal counselor - again, she SAYS. And that she'll show up in court, blame everything on her drinking and the oldest boy's "autism" and hormones at 12-13; and go through the procedures... get her kids back, go back and finish her nursing program, and tra-la-la-la... life is still good, for A.
The next court date is May 6. The charges are providing porn to a minor and "unlawful neglect of a child or helpless person". So far. These are the criminal charges, stemming from the DSS investigation. Family court will convene after the school year ends, with DSS, to determine custody of the boys. The boys are in separate foster homes, still in the same school - and those folks have heard our side of the issues and will keep close watch on the boys, their behavior and improvements or issues, and most importantly - they are getting some treatment, after a forensic interview, also. This will more than likely be used as evidence, in the custody proceedings.
A was complaining that the boys weren't together, so I explained that this was SOP when child abuse was involved. The rest of the conversation was mostly her spewing her denial and delusion that there IS no abuse... they don't HAVE any symptoms. And it doesn't matter what I witnessed with my own eyes... I'm wrong because I don't live there and I'm not the mom. (As I mentioned in the other thread... this started me shaking, as I tried to control my own reaction to "crazy".) What I did say, was that I knew what I knew, I saw what I saw, and that on this particular topic we were going to have to agree to disagree and we'll see how DSS interprets things.
A said she was real worried, when I wouldn't talk to her. (It was what? a week? 10 days?) She said I've always been her "rock", go-to, etc. She has absolutely NO CONCEPT of what being that for her, has cost me emotionally. To her, it's evidence that she is OK (approval)... that despite the big pot of swill she's cooked up for herself and fallen into... it's OK, because Mom is still there. I know Hops knows what idea this gives me... and what I'm tempted to do... simply because I know I'm being abused in this relationship -- and lord knows I don't need any more abuse from my own damn family. I told her: remember Mom's rule - you are to always tell me the TRUTH, no matter how bad it is... no matter how angry I get... because I'm still going to love you no matter what. I told her: I still love you right now. But I am very, very angry... and you don't even know or care WHY I'm angry. So sometimes, it's better for me to just go away... because I don't have anything nice, helpful, or constructive to say... and I'm just silent instead.
She is still blaming S - and this made-up, undocumented autism (more like lifelong emotional & physical abuse) - for the fix she is in. And that there is nothing wrong, nothing happened at all to poor little confused I. The one who's 9 and can't tie his shoes, because no one reminds him how, or to do it... who doesn't know and isn't reminded to wipe his butt clean... who shivers and shrinks away from even a comforting, it's time to go sleep back rub... and who - right along with S, both of 'em asleep - put their arms up in the air and acted out the motions of pushing something away... at 2 am. The one who mimics A's defiant, warped sense of right/wrong, and personal freedom without personal responsibility. All 3 of us - S included - have at times, had to remind I, to be "himself"; to stop being a kitty; to understand that we like him better as him... not so much, when he's imitating "crazy people".
And that level of denial and delusion on A's part, infuriates me. And I'm not buying - "well, it was all because I was drinking", either. I'm just not buying that excuse. I know better - because sober - it's exactly the same thing and has BEEN exactly the same since she was 9 or 10. I took my fury out on the front beds - which with one thing or another - I hadn't even cleaned up for a long time; at least a year - some places 2 years. Working slow, methodically... judiciously pruning palm trees... trying to estimate how much mulch/rocks I need to put down.
Over the weekend, I'm cleaning house. The pollen is just awful right now. Next week, I'm ready for the big job in the beds around back - that frame the pool; this is where most of my raised beds for veggies are going because of easy water access.
And I'll think about going NC completely with A. I won't decide... I'll just think about it. One other reason I decided to talk to her, is because we have very, very poor communications with DSS - and they aren't able to tell us much. I have pointed out & formally requested that H will need, at the very least, an assessment of how deeply the boys have been impacted and an idea of what kind, and how much treatment they should have... to even be able to make an informed decision on her & fiance's CAPABILITY of providing same for the boys. She said she'd have to check with her supervisor about what she could/couldn't pass on. I said OK, I understand.
That was two weeks ago.