Mindfulness

[lighter]

I feel like I just ran a marathon, Tupp.  Very tired....worked all night, lost power from 5am to 7, and it turns out I work well by candlelight.  Who knew?

Cottage looked great when I arrived.  Then I saw the mold.  And droopy fan blades.....on the brand new fan, under the new ceiling....kinda green too. 

So I have leaks, whisk is odd, bc normally the walls aren't wet.  Bathroom walls wet, bead board popping off the wall.

I'm not gonna lie.
I
Was
Overwhelmed and hating life.   Getting stood up by roofer, referred by housekeeper.  I called my guy...sweet, sober and Haitian.  Housekeeper S not happy, but the guy shows up. 

So, I'm breathing, Tupp.  A lot.  8 really think 8t helps.  And I'm asking for help....some would day from Angels, but I'm asking my loved ones who already passed on.I feel it's very positive, and I got real busy up on the roof, in the attic....things I didn't plan on, at the expense of organizing, and readying for renters.  Hopefully.

Luggage was heavy, and had to be carried....no wheels.  Picture massage table badge, and a golf bag. 

I was channeling tidy organized you, Tupp, with my little lable maker.  Almost finished them.... Almost.

Lord I wish I could just go and fish, swim, and read for once.  You wouldn't believe the stuff I lugged, and sweat just pouring in the sea can, which I organized first.

It was odd to make BIG noises, and not have a dog barking, or the girls upset.  I hear made noise, and liked it.

I researched metal roof leaks and maintenance.  I think the silicone caulk won't fix this, but someone else went North to pick it up.  I feeeel like somethings happening, and with bad weather on the way, I'll settle for feeling better, till I can get up there and do repairs myself.

It didn't look too hard.

That's a short version, but thanks for asking.  I have a beautiful coffee, will eat for the first time today...getting hungry.  The truth is my feet hurt and I'm too bleary to remember my connecting airline, so I'm sitting, and happy to write an update; )
Lighter

[Hopalong]

Oy, (((Lighter))).

Every time I read about your island cottage I wish some zillionaire would suddenly contact you with an amaaaaaazing offer you can't refuse (in a good way). It just sounds so exhausting and miserable, with so many things wrong, every time.

Family reunions and fun can happen at RENTED island places, right?

Big hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Hmmm....the marina down the beach just sold to a billionaire, or so the story goes.  The bad news is, he shut down the restaurant and ship's store....he doesn't want anyone on the premises during renovations.  The good news is, he's renovating.  I'm hoping this means good things, but it's hard to say.

And there's always exhaustion and misery involved.  It's just so
Much
Better than it was during the renovation.  Was that last year? 

The cottage felt like a Dawn of the Dead prison, with a crazy little sociopath contractor demanding attention.....big demented toddler.

Anyway,it's better now.

Lighter

 

[sKePTiKal]

Lighter - you might be feeling (physically) the effects of approaching TS Dorian. I'm not sure where your island is, but what I heard this morning, is they're not sure where Dorian's going to go - and it's possible he/she might strengthen to a Cat 1.

That could also explain SOME of the moisture issues too. Humidity goes sky high right before a storm.

[Meh]

I read Puerto Rico but maybe that's not the most recent update for the storm. But then after that it's going over the Bahamas I guess.  Ah that's pretty scary Lighter. I'm not sure where you are at but it seems like you might be right in the storm's path??

"A swath of heavy rain, locally damaging winds and battering surf is in store, but the worst conditions are likely to be over a relatively narrow path over open water and across the northern islands of the Bahamas like Grand Bahama and Grand Abaco.

At this time, lesser impacts are expected across the southern half of the Bahamas, farther from the track of Dorian."

[Hopalong]

AAAAACKKK!

Lighter, report in when you can!

Stay safe,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Right now, looks like Florida (somewhere) is the bullseye - but there are a LOT of islands before the storm gets there. I take it you've already heeded the warning, Lighter and are high-tailing it back home. This time forecasters aren't sure what the final track will be... and there's been discussion of the storm moving up the coast to GA & the Carolinas. That all remains to be seen; storms are like that. I'm hearing it'll be anything from a cat 1 to a cat 4; LOL. I just know that if you're traveling, you might run into delays or difficulties depending on where the storm goes.

[lighter]

I'm home watching the hurricane path.

It's not good.

My niece is heading here Sunday.... she goes to school in Florida. Lots of people in harms way.

I'm not having a difficult time picturing 140 mh winds.  It's terrifying, and yes, Amber.  Our island is 45 miles off the coast of Miami.... right there in the path WITH Florida.  When you look at the map, the little dot, closest to Florida, is our island. 

You never know what's going to happen, but it's strange.  You find yourself bargaining, and trying to work out what it would MEAN if this or that happened.  Once you begin willing the storm in someone else's direction, it just feels too bad, and you stop thinking about it for awhile.  I don't want anyone to get hurt.  I also don't want the year's worth of work, blood, sweat, tears, biting my tongue, hurting myself walking and carrying, and holding, and hammering, and drilling, and fetching, and waiting, and scratching, and getting screwed by customs, and freighters, and....
THIS is not keeping my head where my feet are, nope nope nope.

I pray for the safety of everyone in harm's way.  I pray the little cottage stays safe, and the listing badly seawall holds.  I pray the roof remains intact, and the storm surge doesn't do what it's likely to do.   

Lighter

[lighter]

My renter thinks the hurricane will hit Freeport full force, and hit Bimini only with 90mph winds.  He seems completely unconcerned, and is considering sheltering in the guest cottage.  I look at the satellite pictures, and don't understand his casual attitude.  His sister's house is in the middle of the South island, on a canal, and I'm thinking that's safer than the guest cottage.   

I confirmed the chairs are inside, and the cottage shutters are all closed, though I don't know what's still running, AC wise.  Certainly the electricity will be out, no matter what the wind speed is, so I guess it doesn't really matter. There are still 2 shutters open on the guest cottage.  Likely the large sliding door on the ocean side, and the one between the two buildings. 

The most vulnerable parts of the roof were caulked, the trim piece was installed at bottom of exterior doors to keep the wind and rain out, the little bridge on sea wall was screwed in place, and the last shade screen taken down. 

Everyone assures me they'll find safe places to shelter, but they don't seem to have plans.  Very concerning. 

Lighter

 

[Twoapenny]

I feel like I just ran a marathon, Tupp.  Very tired....worked all night, lost power from 5am to 7, and it turns out I work well by candlelight.  Who knew?

Cottage looked great when I arrived.  Then I saw the mold.  And droopy fan blades.....on the brand new fan, under the new ceiling....kinda green too. 

So I have leaks, whisk is odd, bc normally the walls aren't wet.  Bathroom walls wet, bead board popping off the wall.

I'm not gonna lie.
I
Was
Overwhelmed and hating life.   Getting stood up by roofer, referred by housekeeper.  I called my guy...sweet, sober and Haitian.  Housekeeper S not happy, but the guy shows up. 

So, I'm breathing, Tupp.  A lot.  8 really think 8t helps.  And I'm asking for help....some would day from Angels, but I'm asking my loved ones who already passed on.I feel it's very positive, and I got real busy up on the roof, in the attic....things I didn't plan on, at the expense of organizing, and readying for renters.  Hopefully.

Luggage was heavy, and had to be carried....no wheels.  Picture massage table badge, and a golf bag. 

I was channeling tidy organized you, Tupp, with my little lable maker.  Almost finished them.... Almost.

Lord I wish I could just go and fish, swim, and read for once.  You wouldn't believe the stuff I lugged, and sweat just pouring in the sea can, which I organized first.

It was odd to make BIG noises, and not have a dog barking, or the girls upset.  I hear made noise, and liked it.

I researched metal roof leaks and maintenance.  I think the silicone caulk won't fix this, but someone else went North to pick it up.  I feeeel like somethings happening, and with bad weather on the way, I'll settle for feeling better, till I can get up there and do repairs myself.

It didn't look too hard.

That's a short version, but thanks for asking.  I have a beautiful coffee, will eat for the first time today...getting hungry.  The truth is my feet hurt and I'm too bleary to remember my connecting airline, so I'm sitting, and happy to write an update; )
Lighter

Oh Lighter, my heart sank as I read this, I so get that feeling of having loads to do, much of it unplanned and having to constantly deal with all sorts of crap.  And yes, the longing to just sit and not have anything to do, just to swim and read - oh my days, what heaven!  I hope you're feeling a bit more human now.

If the cottage was damaged in the storm would insurance pay to get repairs done?  I just wondered if it might turn out to be a blessing in disguise and mean that you can get everything done by other people and just fly a team in from Miami or something?  That is probably a wildly optimistic thought on my part lol.  I get what you mean about not wanting anyone to get hurt, Mother Nature is not to be messed with.  I hope people have stayed safe, I read that they've evacuated a lot so hopefully people will be okay xx

[lighter]

Nope.  No insurance, which is one reason I'd freak out if the cottage got scraped off the island. 

Anyhoo, today I was thinking about the high cost of judging others, and myself, vs observing with compassion.

I try to see things with compassion, and to not judge, but then I find myself judging, and it's almost always without kindness.

That strikes a chord with me, and it's always a downward spiral.  Always. Guilt. Feeling like I've failed, etc.

Particularly where vulnerable children are harmed by caregivers,  or the system.  It's almost impossible to remain level, though I've done it, and managed to get there if I notice what I'm doing.

Many times I just can't get around the anger at the injustice, and I go ahead and have it. 

Parents don't win anything when they harm their own children.  Not really.   

The system re victimizing victims.... a lose lose proposition.  I haven't found a way to deal with that.  Not yet at any rate.  Sometimes I follow it through to it's logical conclusions, when I'm really seeking answers, and I find there are no good answers.  None.  That's demoralizing, but it helps me define the truth  and limitations in the situations.

Everyone is doing their best, and the system doesn't know who to believe.  The system is limited, and flawed, and overwhelmed, and honestly jaded and bitter in many cases bc of inherent limitations in the system, and with court officers who aren't educated about PDs.  Humans are flawed beings, and they're reacting to their own histories. 

And so, I notice I breathe in deeply here, and all my chemicals are released in a stomach flipping rush I avoided up to this point.... biology hijack.  And I was focused on being calm when it happened.  It's an automatic response, and I want to change that.

I always always feel less than, and diminished and small when I give in to the anger.   It's just not very helpful, and doesn't get me anything I really want.

The anger is warranted and fair in most cases, IMO, so that's the puzzle. 

Detachment is the answer.  Shifting into observation mode is the answer.

To not getting upset, and lashing out emotionally.

It's not the answer to the harm, and damage.

Again... the stomach flipping chemical dump... 2 big jets of it.... after I'd calmed myself down. 

And breathing again.

I just don't want to judge anymore.  I need to observe, and do it automatically.  I'm going to really focus on that for a while.  I'm going to tap on it first.

Lighter