My old saw is just that emotions are weather. They always change and they always pass.
When I was in the grip of what I thought was grief, a T once told me I was talking about trauma. Too MUCH sadness for too long maybe turns into trauma?
What I hear, Hippy, is your loneliness. Yet I'm so impressed with the way you are pushing yourself into the stream of life anyway. Giving something or some group or some activity a try anyway. Looking for some beauty or creativity anyway. Finding art and music anyway.
It just sounds positive, period. It's taken me a long time to find the balance of how much introvert and extrovert I'm experiencing in myself, depending on circumstances -- but I do feel more balanced now.
Poo on the pagans. I'm sorry if you're sorry, if you know what I mean.
hugs and comfort,
Hops