Boundary issues

[j_stice]

Following on from my previous thread I found that since the abusive relationship with my ex- there were warning signs that I should have seen and noticed about boundary issues that I was having, I have spent my time in Israel (where I am sending this post on my holidays). After having found another boundary issue was broken, she came into a workplace of mine, having no known business there at the time and had a chat with one of the bosses. Now I have already let it be known that I wanted nothing to do with her and felt that it was a threat to me her being around the workplace, she managed to give a "free" introductory lecture and what she has done. But more importantly I am starting to get a little worried that I am having to consider this woman constantly in my life. This being the second workplace that I am leaving because of her.

I find it a little worrying that I need to do this and was wondering if anyone could recommend any book, resources and / or advice on creating strong personal boundaries (after reading my previous thread (http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3/index.php?topic=2038.0)) because I feel that the behaviour whilst isn't acceptable to society is considered acceptable here.

[Sheela]

a good therapist is better, deeper and faster than a good book . .
good luck, my dear

sheela

[j_stice]

With a recurrent problem I have one word: WHO?

A therapist is great but the problem is what area should there expertise be? Especially if other colleagues have made me aware of this problem?

[write]

hey j_stice, not seen you around for ages.
Hope your travels are good.

In some ways I feel like the relationships I have had with the therapists and doctors have been practice for real life; I started with a counsellor years ago who wasn't very experienced, she pushed me to reveal a lot of childhood trauma then it was like 'we need to close this up' and I felt like she didn't have the resources either the skills or time ( it was NHS and the pressure was get people functional and off the books )

I forget where you are, Australia? but I have found services better in US and a huge choice.
Someone else posted from Japan and said there were NO mental health facilities where s/he is.

So it depends on what's available.

But if I were choosing someone I'd look for someone with experence and try them out, after a couple of sessions if I'm not happy I'd try someone else.

One marriage counsellor we had I kept going for ages after it became apparent he couldn't help us; he didn't recognise my husband's Nism or know how to deal with it, but was intrigued by it. The sessions I had alone with him he seemed more interested in my h!

The therapist I saw the longest I just outgrew after a couple of years; there was nothing more to learn at that stage from my past. It wasn't a conscious decision, I just saw her less and less and eventually stopped going.

I guess what I'm saying is- expect it to be a process.

[Sheela]

Dear j-stice,

Interview your prospective therapist for his/her ability to cope and address with your past, decise what your issue is, whether it be abuse, family dynamics, or reexamining your family of origin . . . you might have to pass on a few therapists but it is worthwhile to search for a good therapist and there are many . . .

there is also the avenue of self-help . . in my case being the adult child of an alcoholic made some 12-step very meaningful to me . . .sometime 12 -step is like a n avenue to easy accessible "life" therapy, plus you can meet some incredible people . . .

but make no mistake therapy takes work . . .

good luck!
Sheela