Bevy,
I speak for the others (and not in an Nistic way), in saying we WELCOME you and are glad you came here.
I too have lived through an affair. Things got really weird a while ago, when I mentioned to my husband that I'd like another child. All of a sudden, for 3 days after that, he began not using protection during our encounters together. The odd thing was, he suddenly got really GOOD in bed...I mean, like he had been TRAINED by someone. I sort of just ignored what I was suspecting, until...
a couple days later, I had such a bad female itch problem, that i had to see someone for it. I went to the doc and they came into the room to tell me gently that I had TRichomoniasis and that it only comes through sexual contact. Therefore, since I had been with NOBODY but my husband, guess where it came from?
My reaction to the news: "you've GOT to be kidding me! ROLAND? an affair? WHO WOULD WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM?" The doctor and nurse both giggled (they tried not to, but I'm quite the comedian at times)...They said "is this something that is really shocking to you?" I said, "no, no, you dont understand...my husband is UGLY! NOBODY WOULD WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM!" I thought the nurse would have split a rib she was falling over laughing so hysterically, and so was I by now, just watching her!
When I got home, my laughter was GONE and I was face to face with the culprit. He was laying in bed and said to me, "so? what'd the doc have to say? it wasn't nothin? yeast infection?" I replied, "Well, 3 things actually....one is YEAST, another is URINARY TRACT and the last one is AN STD, ROLAND!!!!!!!!!!" He said, "oh ok...um, what's that?" I said, "ever hear of SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES????!" He said, "yeah I heard of em, but what's that got to do with YOU?" I said, "Um, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHO WERE YOU SLEEPING WITH ROLAND? WAS IT YOUR BOSS OR SOMEONE ELSE?" He said, "Me? YOU'RE THE ONE! How do I know YOU weren't with anyone, since you cheated on me years ago!" I said, "I AIN'T HARDLY BEEN ANYWHERE BUT TO MY SCHOOL! WHO WOULD I HAVE SCREWED THERE?" He said, 'Well, I didn't sleep with ANYONE!"
The next day, we all went to the zoo as a family and I was going to be leaving to spend time with the Mom I love (as opposed to my bio Mom). I walked around that zoo in excrucating PAIN and my husband just pretended like NOTHING WAS WRONG and like HE DID NOTHING WRONG. I finally told him I was considering just leaving him, unless he told me the truth. He insisted, and does to this day that he never slept with anyone. To this day, I DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. He has lived in a family of denial while his father molested both his sisters and his Aunt Physically BEAT her daughter...nobody ever did a damn thing about any of that! So, why would he admit to cheating on me?
I prayed long and hard, talked to all my closest friends and relations about what to do. I got all different answers like, "you have BIBLICAL grounds to leave him, Laura!" "Till death do you part...for better or worse" "He's a )^)#$_@$&#@_ for doing this to you. Just get out and do not look back!" "I knew it would come to this, Laura. just like happened with your father and me. You need to get out on your own. You always knew he was crazy."
I finally realized, "I AM ALONE IN THIS DECISION!!! NOBODY CAN CHOOSE TO STAY OR LEAVE EXCEPT ME...IF I STAY AND KEEP HAVING SEX, I RISK GETTING A WORSE DISEASE. IF I LEAVE, I FACE THE UNKNOWN."
I opted to stay. I am still here with him...19 years.
I put my foot down and told him, "If there is EVER another time that i even HEAR of anything like this, I WILL BE GONE!"
So far, he's been faithful but he still acts like a 4 year old and pouts when I want him to CONFRONT things. I am the "pants" in the family, if you can't tell. This is NOT how I wanted my marriage to be, but I married him in the first place, to escape another control situation I was living in. Jumped from frying pan into the fire somewhat. He used to be more active in "disciplining" the children, until that escalated into ABUSE and I told him he would NEVER HIT MY CHILDREN AGAIN! I have left him 3 x to wake him up and even to hopefully LEAVE him, but I went back when he went to counseling and it helped.
Our latest crud is that we own a restaurant that my brother in law (an N) holds the deed to. My husband thinks I'm perfect fine working long hours with no pay, and I finally put my foot down on that, after my doctors told me NO MORE! YOU ARE GONNA KILL YOURSELF WITH STRESS! I told him, "I will work 5 hours or NO HOURS! YOU DECIDE, but you are nOT talking me into ANYTHING that will harm my health, and since you do not CARE about how this is affecting me, I WILL CARE FOR MYSELF!"
He's ticked right now, cause I told him I would not work 7 hours on Friday. I am KEEPING my stance on this one
~Laura
