Kelly's Overcomer Story

[Overcomer]

 I was driven by guilt.  I felt totally controlled by my mother.  My life was not my own and hadn't been for years.  When I was 42 I had a breakdown......a REAL breakdown.  I had had it.  I was so angry at my mother for interfering with my life.  Of course, I was labelled unstable and that I had problems.  I wore that label for quite some time and didn't argue that point - I WAS unstable.

So I started researching "Controlling Parents" on the internet.  I read the book IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS by Neuharth and it identified the term Narcississm.  I continued to do searches on the internet.  For once I had a diagnoses for my MOM.  It wasn't me.  It wasn't my brother.  WE were NOT the ones with the problem - my mom is.  To this day (five years later) I still fight her.  I say things to her like, "I am not the one with the problem."  "I have done tons of research and I have found......"  I have never labelled her an N to her face.....

How I know she is an N?  She craves the limelight.  She was successful in a MLM company as I was growing up.  She made lots of money and when she walked into a room people would stop talking and look and take pictures.  During the time she was so successful (when I was 6 until 34) she never attended a parent/teacher conference.  She never went to a class party.  She only once went to see me cheerlead.  When a judge from cheerleading came up to me and told me the try outs were rigged and I went and told my mom, she was like, "Oh well....life is not fair."  Now if something happens like that to my kids I am the first one on the phone yelling INJUSTICE!!!

We run a business that is not profitable.  I say she runs it with smoke and mirrors.  If the cash flow isn't there, she puts it in.  She loves everyone to THINK we are successful, when we are not.

She wouldn't let me divorce my husband after 26 affairs..he was a liar and a cheater and a stealer....I could go on and on about him but she would say "hate the sin and not the sinner..."  Oh yes, her pious religion shoved down our throat was also a burden on us.  The perfection she required of us was impossible so both my brother and I turned to drugs and alcohol.....we were going to hell.  The devil had gotten ahold of us.  Really what made us turn to drugs was escape from an impossibly negative and critical parent.  We were supposed to be perfect to shine brightly on her - sorry to disappoint you, mom, but your neglect reflected poorly on you!!

It was when I had finally divorced my H and was going out with another loser and I tried to break it off with him and not only did she try to save him but she gave him a job and let him live in her home.....she really chose HIS well being over mine.  THAT is when I snapped at 42.

So most of you know I work with the wench and I have a pretty poor working relationship with her.  We are trying to mend the personal fence but it is trying.  She doesn't really like me and I really don't like her.  She is self absorbed.  I no longer beat to her drum but it took me YEARS@!!!!  AND LOTS OF ANGST AND LOTS OF RESEARCH TO FINALLY GET OVER IT!!!

[Overcomer]

When I think about what and how my mom treated me and controlled me BEFORE I had my breakdown-it really came in phases.  As a youngster I was basically neglected.  She went to college when I was a small child and then started her career.    She was the center of her universe and we were just along for the ride.  I realize now that she was never cut out to be a parent so her escape was her work and her status.  I know now that my goal was and has been to follow in her footsteps.

[Overcomer]

But after all those years of living in her shadow I realized too that she was a phoney-She really was not so good or smart or anything-she was lucky.  Now it irks me that everyone lover her-but what I have figured out is they really love her money and what it can do for THEM.  So as far as me and her control-she filled my head with lies about my ability to make good decisions-so I let her manipulate me.  I could do nothing where she would not offer a better idea and I would ALWAYS do what SHE

[Overcomer]

Wanted because after all SHE was the successful rich one who every one thought the world of so she earned the right to make every decision for me.  No divorce because what would people think?  Even though my H left me for another women when my baby was two months old.  Better we get him admitted for being emotionally unstable.  She is in the habit of trying to fix my mistakes by sending people to in patient counseling.  I could NEVER say no to anyone.  Then.  I could not say no to her!

[Overcomer]

I was brainwashed and had no self esteem.  I finally do not feel guilty if I drink a glass of wine but now I do not want it.  I say no to marketers but I could not before because I was taught not to say no.  If I would talk back to her she would hit me.  One time when I was 12 She beat me with a yard stick and broke it in 6 pieces.  she still brags about what a great kid I was after that-more like afraid.  We never had a vacation where she was not mad about something and I GOT PUNISHED.

[Overcomer]

So now I am fat and ugly (not really but I am not to compete with her)  She has had two face lifts and a tummy tuck.  She looks great.  I really blame her for my weight gain.  I was so stressed all the time and she is always looking at my hair or my clothes with a critical eye.  My face has gotten all puffy due to the weight gain.  She told me I was ugly on the inside and ugly on the outside when I was 3 and I think it stuck.  So my surgery is my start back to normalcy and more self esteem.