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Excluded From NM's Claims She Has Cancer

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sKePTiKal:

--- Quote ---She told me that I should call NM tomorrow. That I should tell NM that I love her. That the situation with my parents has to be worked out.
--- End quote ---


Uh... 'scuse me? Where was this Aunt when NM was being vile to you? Insisting that things be worked out? Why should this requirement only apply in NM's interest? Did she ever validate that you have a good reason for keeping your distance? And, I doubt that you're 10 yrs old and need help deciding what the "right thing" for you to do is... nor are you unable to see what feelings you might have as a consequence of your decisions.

Boundaries - 101.

NO ONE can tell you what you feel, what you should feel, or give you the implied message that you are "less than" or somehow in error for what you feel. A feeling, in and of itself, does not predict behavior... you aren't a slave to your feelings and have the ability to choose to act in any fashion you want - for whatever reasons you want. The rules of etiquette do not require you to share your feelings with anyone; not an interpersonal obligation. You are also, conversely, free to share those feelings with anyone you choose to. However, I've found it helps if I reserve that sharing for relationships where there's a pretty high level of mutual respect and trust.

Besides - a lot of my feelings are politically incorrect in this day/age - but they're still my feelings. I guess it can kinda feel like one is under siege sometimes (Remember the Alamo!), when you choose to be true to yourself -- instead of trying to please other people, who are never pleased.

JustKathy:
UGH! This is exactly how it went down with me and my "cancer stricken" NM, only it was my co-father giving me the instructions. He called and pleaded with me to do something to show that I love her, to call her, or at the very least send a card. I really believed that she was dying, and decided to send the damn card just to make my father happy. Well, four years later, and she's not dead. She played me. I'll bet she burst out laughing when she received that card. Major victory! She managed to manipulate me one more time, even though I was NC. Well, fool me once ....


--- Quote ---My ancestors didn't send the king a card on his birthday after they declared independence. Why should I send one to the queen.
--- End quote ---

Bingo! Yes! Bottom line, don't do anything that you don't want to do, and don't do it to please someone else. If your heart says that the Queen doesn't deserve a card, then that's that. Follow your heart, and follow your gut instincts. They won't fail you.

sfalken:
Despite 11th hour calls from my aunt - dramatically asking me to 'find it in my heart' to call my mother 'if only for her' before NM's surgery, I did not.

I sent my aunt a simple text to tell her that I had already responded to an email from my mother a week before - wishing NM well, and asking NM for CoF to let us know how it goes. My aunt of course had no idea that I had had any correspondence with NM. NM would never let on that I make any effort. She derives supply from smearing me at every turn, and letting on that I responded, well, would rob her of her supply.

Of course, the surgery was yesterday, and nobody called, or otherwise let me know anything, which, ok, maybe I shouldn't care anymore, but I'm human.

I called the hospital in the afternoon and they said that there was a nurse in her room. When they transferred me, I dropped the call so as not to become part of the drama, or to be sucked into a conversation with one of her lackeys who may have been there.

They dont give rooms to people who dont make it through surgeries, right?

Well anyhow.. Cirque du Soleil this weekend with my wife and youngest, and a little R&R hopefully.

JustKathy:

--- Quote ---They dont give rooms to people who dont make it through surgeries, right?
--- End quote ---

Not rooms with nurses and phones, anyway. ;)

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