Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Hi Everybody
sKePTiKal:
Yes, Penny, I'm well and on the "progress" treadmill, too! LOL...
trying to pushing my healing from the mental/emotional side of me... into the physical, now... before I reach the stage of thinking I'm too old for it to matter! I think I deserve - after all this time - to feel good about how I look, to feel healthy and fit, to take care of myself physically, too. I'm thinking of myself as being "in training", now.
I'm more social now than I've been in the past - though it's still tough to shake hubby's following me around like a puppy-dog, all the time - we're making progress. And even tho, this week I'm kinda back to my old "chatty cathy" posting levels... for the most part it's been elsewhere, on different topics... than working on myself. Doing some "new" things, confronting and blowing away old fears, expanding the "little, safe" world that I used to live in because I didn't believe - wasn't confident enough, in my feelings about myself - to think that I was really allowed out into the big, wide, crazy, and sometimes risky world... "out there".... with "normal" people.
You sound really good! I've wondered from time to time, how you've been doing and I worried there for awhile that maybe the inner child stuff got a little too intense for you? I guess if it did, it all turned out OK, because really do sound happy, peaceful -- in a really good "place". It's SOOO nice to see your update!
Ales2:
Hi Twoapenny - Great to see your posts here again. Welcome back! I was moved and felt a shift just reading what you confronted your Mom with...I found it cathartic for me when I have been able to hold my head up and when I have not allowed others to give me the doormat treatment.
So congrats on everything... looking forward to more posts.
Twoapenny:
Hi Ales,
Thank you! It's good to see you ((((())) I read a couple of your older posts last night, sounds like things have been a bit rough. Hoping you're feeling a little better now ((((())))) I know what you mean about standing up to people. When I first started doing it it felt so wrong - I felt guilty and/or quite aggresive about it - I think the fear of doing it made me defensive? If that makes any sense? I also used to feel like I had to have good reasons for standing up to someone and that I had to explain them - looking for confirmation from someone else that it was okay to say no! I was also people pleasing my T, so felt like I had to do the 'right' thing so I got a pat on the head from her - a real conundrum that went on for years! Fortunately my T was good enough to take that on board (when I finally got up the courage to tell her I felt that way) and we spent a lot of time then working on me doing things for me, JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO! Not for any particular reason, not with any justification, just because it's what felt best for me at the time. We also worked a lot on it being okay for me to change my mind - I'm was happy to babysit last week but it's not convenient this week - you know the sort of thing. I've also had to work really hard on not reading too much into friends responses if they say no to me about something - it doesn't mean they hate me, I'm demanding, I'm selfish, they're sick of me etc, it's just that they're busy/tired/have already made plans and I don't need to spend weeks fretting about it. It's a real see saw - I still have to work at it a lot but it is getting easier. It reminds me of learning to drive - at first there were so many different things to think about that I thought I was never going to do it, but gradually it all comes together and eventually you can do it without thinking - although I do crash sometimes! Ha! Thank you for your post, it's good to see you (((((((()))))))
Phoenix, I'm glad you're doing some work on the physical stuff too. I'm kind of in the same place, funnily enough - spending more time on my appearance, buying clothes, exercising and so on. Funny how as your mind gets calmer you can start to think about other things :) I'm doing inner child stuff as and when. I find it really difficult and there are times I get to a point where I just want to be 'normal' for a while and I leave it for a bit. I think I'm up to about age 8 now? I've just tried to deal with things as I've felt them become an issue rather than trying to push it. But I'm also trying every day to be more nurturing and loving to myself, and to be more accepting of my faults (which,even though they're faults, aren't that bad). Thank you ((((()))))
Bonesie - another for you! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) :)
BonesMS:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tup))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Bones
Twoapenny:
Yay! Let's go for a round the world hug!! Everybody join in! (((((((((((((((((((((Bonesie and Everybody ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) lol xx
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