Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Shame
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Starlight on May 25, 2012, 03:41:38 PM ---Just thinking of the toxic emotion cocktail of it all.
Few years ago I got on a ferry-boat. As the boat was leaving the dock I felt a panic attack coming on because I was "stuck on the boat".
I know this is a version of "claustrophobia" something that I hadn't really had a lot of.
http://phobias.about.com/od/introductiontophobias/a/claustroprof.htm
I looked at this article and noticed how they say they are somewhat clueless about the cause of it. I think: "come on how dumb can they be"....and I also see that there is the suggestion to give anti-depressants for it.
For the things that they say "We don't know what causes it but taking antidepressants might help"---Errhhh really?
I know what causes it, it's anxiety and the feeling of powerlessness, the memory of being controlled by others and not having one's own will and fear of not getting the care needed.
I don't think it has anything to do with shame.
Then on the other hand maybe I should explore shame in relation to other co-occurring (would that be concurring?)
emotions.
Does shame and anxiety go together?
--- End quote ---
I would say that TOXIC shame and anxiety are intertwined BIG TIME!
Bones
sKePTiKal:
Per your question about flowcharts - yep; it does sort of help me see what comes first... how I react with a set emotional response (habits)... and how it all gets so tangled up in the beginning. Boxes with arrows illustrate my journals, when I finally "feel/decode" a recognizable pattern... an emotional habit.
Perhaps you have no connection to shame-emotions, for a reason Star. Perhaps you were never singled out as the "target" for your mom's blame/shame; the Neglectful style of parenting could explain that. Children of alcoholics usually have some level of shame-issues to work through. Sometimes, they're very complex and it takes awhile to revisit the original emotional wound. But sometimes, level-headed people (like you seem to be) settle the issue so quickly and practically... that the moment is lost to memory and it's not REALLY an issue to work with.
In my case, I was unconsciously choosing to feel almost any other emotion, than shame... anxiety - because if I could be one step ahead of criticism (perfectionism) maybe I wouldn't be shamed. Anger/constant irritation/restlessness was another old standby... because it was the opposite feeling of the total helplessness/powerlessness of shame... and then there was the weird thing I do, of working myself into complete total physical/mental/emotional exhaustion & never allowing myself to relax, enjoy ANYthing, or to have fun... to do things with other people and just be open to whatever it turned out to be.
In an odd way, shame is much more connected (for me) with unacknowledged grief... they sorta go hand in hand as deadly/toxic partners.
Unconsciously, all those things were due to an unrecognized, unknown 16-ton anvil of grief/shame that I was carrying around with me... which set up the conditions for a "secret belief" that I wasn't worthy of enjoying myself - or other people, caring for myself... that no one would want to be around me. Unconsciously, my behaviors also worked to insure that this particular status quo was maintained. One the behaviors I'm still working on, is automatically rejecting people's invitations to get together. Or, giving people way more than they bargained for (usually snippy & sarcastic) when they show any interest in me.
It took a few a flowcharts to figure how all that emotional stuff worked together to perpetuate my relationship to my whole life, all my relationships, and the world we all live in. There were sub-sections - chunks of things - that helped support my whole "at arm's length", chief-observer & people watcher, "noticer", and advice-laden, seemingly "know-it-all"....... non-participating in living, human.
Meh:
Hhrumm.
Well, still keeping it warm for now though, I've got nothing to add.
Found a princess skirt and I'm wearing it to sleep in. First princess skirt ever and I'm way too old for one, makes me wonder how ridiculous really. Smile.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Starlight on May 31, 2012, 04:46:21 AM ---Hhrumm.
Well, still keeping it warm for now though, I've got nothing to add.
Found a princess skirt and I'm wearing it to sleep in. First princess skirt ever and I'm way too old for one, makes me wonder how ridiculous really. Smile.
--- End quote ---
Your Inner Child is saying: "I'm a Princess" and she deserves the attention she never got years ago. Have fun being able to play! :)
Bones
Meh:
Thanks Bones N' Phoenix,
Bones: Um, hum. Know what? I'm watching this DVD from the library about the history of beer. Says something about "THE CULTURE OF PLEASURE" and how when German's first brought the concept of beer gardens to America the AMERICANS were amazed/shocked or dumbfounded all of the above about the idea that Pleasure was an important and valid ritual.
Also got a DVD on cheese making--not so much that I will do it.
Guess the skirt is a little indulgence, it's used pink silk and I washed it, came out wrinkly but I don't care, I just wear it to bed anyhow, maybe it's sort of bohemian now that it's wrinkled--sort of like if a princess went over Niagara Falls.
Phoenix: Shame and unacknowledged Grief????
Hum--Culture of Pleasure
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