Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Histrionic PD
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: Mild Salsa on June 29, 2012, 02:32:22 AM ---
My mother suggested to me that I should become a nun. Just an out of the blue off the wall suggestion.
--- End quote ---
I've wondered if this stuff is a covert way of managing interaction. It's what passes for reciprocity in the weird mental world of the N. She makes the suggestion, which sets you reeling in its strangeness and insensitivity. Then you quit trying to interact, so she can get the topic back on herself. Both of my parents do this kind of thing.
Hopalong:
Hi PR,
I think the problem might've been the extended "We" statements...which is kind of like being the voice for the entire board. "I" statements stay within the boundaries of one's self and sound less teacherinary.
SL--
That makes sense to me. The interaction management reminds me of a basketball game and the ball is some fast-moving thing to do with self-soothing in reaction to a suppressed inner trigger, and within the N those triggers are way too fast and unpredictable to make any sense to an observer. Safer in the bleachers.
Boat--
Oy. Rooster. Aarrgghh.
xo
Hops
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote ---I think the problem might've been the extended "We" statements...which is kind of like being the voice for the entire board.
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Hops. It's a nasty habit that I still need coaching on... it's one those communication problems that needs more work and sure does point to my FOO-past of enmeshment, engulfment, control/domination... doesn't it? That's how I learned to "talk" to other people. It's what was modelled for me, over & over. It feels like a form of tourette's... when I'm getting to an emotional peak about something... it just takes over. Like how sometimes, I'll just start saying something in French... completely out of context.
The words and how Salsa said she heard them, were so FAR from what my intention was, but there was no way she could know that. I truly appreciate her pointing out how it felt to her and drawing her boundary. That helps me. This is one of those things - a holdover, hangover - that has gotten in the way, in my path to recovery. It's my silly (and self-sabotaging) pattern of interaction learned in that messy, dysfunctional family. My short-hand for it (fair or not) is that I lapse into "Pennsylvania Dutch"...
I can only apologize again, and hope y'all know I'm sincere and I mean it.
Hopalong:
I gotcha PR, wasn't offended.
hugs
Hops
SilverLining:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 03, 2012, 02:29:53 PM ---
That makes sense to me. The interaction management reminds me of a basketball game and the ball is some fast-moving thing to do with self-soothing in reaction to a suppressed inner trigger, and within the N those triggers are way too fast and unpredictable to make any sense to an observer. Safer in the bleachers.
--- End quote ---
I like your description of the process Hops. In my 50's now, I finally feel I can step back from the game and see the strange interaction process that goes on with these N's. Possibly the only predictable element is the steering the focus of every interaction back on themselves. And they have all sorts of tricks to make it happen.
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