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Same trap again? How many more?

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Lupita:
Only humans fall in the same trap over and over. Animals learn. Humans don't.

I worked seven years in one county, and I resigned that job because I could not deal with the stress with coworkers. The best job and benefits. Then worked in a Christian school and could not deal with the stress caused by coworkers. Two years. Then three years in a Catholic school and bullies teachers destroyed me. Then one year an charter school and not renewal because the boss did not like me. I pissed him up. Now I have a new charter school and the situations are even worse but the coworkers are the same. How do they seem to do weel and I feel like so bad? Still I have seven classes and six are wondrful and only one is difficult. i cannot say that the class is bad. It is just very difficulkt to handle. Too many kids in the class that seek too much attention and raise their hand 400 times and feel rejected if I do not stop doing whatever I am doing to pay attention to them. They are family of the school councelor and that is difficult. Those are the things that I do not know how to handle and end up losing the battle. HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEELLLPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel abused.

finding peace:
Dear Lupita,

How many times?  Can't say.

Although, you may not like hearing this - but I think your IQ is so much higher than those you are working for and that intimidates them.

You are an MD.

In my life, I have found that people that are intimidated by me will attack me.

Maybe I am way off base, but IME a lot of people cannot stand to see someone shine (as you shine) and will do anything to dim your glow.

You are beautiful; don't allow anyone power over you to dim your glow - it is beautiful.

My 0.02.

Love to you, Peace.

lighter:
I don't know, Lupe.

I think maybe we go through the same lessons again and again until we figure them out. 

Then we go on to the next lesson.

That's the way life is...... we're lifelong learners, like it or not.

I wonder how much work you've done on boundary work since you landed on this board.

I know I always feel more comfortable with boundaries when I'm reading about boundary setting and enforcement.  It helps remind me, keep me centered, explain how to do it without causing drama and upset in my own nervous system, which is important.   

If I  see where a boundary has been crossed,  most of the time I can talk about it right there without building it up in my mind and having it consume me for any length of time, but I have to be clear on what that boundary is, and what my right to defend it is, or all is lost in that moment. 

There's a saying....

when we don't want to know what's going on, we become confused. 

When the same boundaries are crossed, over and over for you, are you clear on what they are, and are you clear on your right is to set that boundary without drama, and enforce it without letting time pass?  I think you may become confused, feel wounded by the situation that feels so familiar to you, and not assert yourself quickly with people who tend to cross boundaries.  I think those kind of people test boundaries, and push limits with people who allow it. 

Maybe they cross everyone's boundaries, not just yours, Lupe?

Maybe the people with good boundary setting skills, and the ability to easily and rapidly enforce boundary infractions are left alone, and those who can't identify boundaries or enforce them fall into a cycle with chronic boundary crossers.

I agree with FP, you shine like the sun, and that perhaps envy plays a part in some of what's going on in this pattern. 

I do think that you grew up lacking healthy boundaries, your mother crossing every line, and making you feel guilty for breathing. 

This means you have to learn what healthy boundaries are, and how to enforce them appropriately, which is new, and feels odd at first, but it might just turn everything around for you if you master the skills involved.

Not sure, Lupita. 

I do know you've suffered, and been confused for far too long.  It's time for some clarity for you my friend, and I think boundary work might help dispel some of the confusion and feeling of being victimized over and over in the same situations in your life.

You're smart.  You can figure this out.

Lighter

Lupita:
Thank you FP. Thank you so much. I was appalled by the indifference I found this time on the board but finally you had the compassion to talk to me. Thank you for your encouragment.

Thank you Lighter, thougnh you took forever and only after FP wrote me. I wish I had it just when I was in my down spiral.

But thank you so much.

Hopalong:
I'm sorry you felt uncared for, Lupita.

I didn't have anything I could think of that would help at the time.

I don't know why that pain keeps resurfacing for you but I do believe Lighter's spot on
with the boundaries.

You feel others' displeasure so acutely that it causes you anguish, and I know what it
feels like to be so sensitive to even subtle signs of disapproval, criticism or rejection.

It has taken me a VERY long time to get comfortable with the fact that not everyone
is going to love me. Or even like me. And it had everything to do with learning
compassion...not cerebrally...actually learning to FEEL true compassion for myself.

Without that, I can't heal myself, or help anyone else.

love,
Hops

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