Deb:
I'm very familiar with the terrible position you're in with your IL's, and I'm so sorry this is happening.
They have contact with your children, and you can't protect them, or be there to explain the polorized statements that cause so much confusion and chaos. The IL's erroneous statements don't add up, but it's difficult for our children to keep focus of such difficult truths.....
that their fathers weren't there for them, and that the paternal side of the family is misrepresenting the truth for their own personal reasons.
It does sound like your kiddos are very smart about this, even though it's painful for them to go through..... you've done a good job, Mom.
My children know what's what, but they're completely blindsided by out and out name calling and statements that are untrue and hurtful about me. I'm trying to make sure the IL's don't have my children alone, behind closed doors any more where they can poison them at will. My children are still pretty young, and I'd prefer to save the harder truths for 5 years down the road, if possible as I never wanted my children to connect the terrible PD behaviors of their father/paternal side of the family to my children's sense of worthiness.
Their father didn't behave like a loving father, bc he wasn't a loving father, but I'd prefer to say he was "sick" and leave it at that for a while longer. Till after puberty, in fact, but my IL's are forcing my hand.
If you don't mind my asking, what do you feel you did spot on right with your children after your h went to prison, and what would you have done differently in regard to sharing information and explaining things to your children? What would you change about those conversations, if anything?
I'm so sorry your children are hurting, and that it's difficult to shelter them from pain.
(((Deb and children))
Lighter