Hello Everyone:
The holidays are upon us which means the narcissists in our lives become an even bigger lengend in their own minds
I've always said that in crises and important events, each member of a family just become more of who they really are. The N becomes an even bigger N. The voiceless one becomes even more voiceless and on and on.
Two developments recently occurred in my dysfunctional family which now resides permanently in Dysfunction Junction. The first has to to with a cousin whom I hadnt seen or spoke to in decades...probably when I was 10 or so. I recently went out of town on a business trip near where she lives and on a complete lark, I emailed her and asked if she wanted to meet up. I really didn't think she would because of the total estrangement that had occurred in our family. Her dad and my dad are brothers. Well, she did want to and we met up and it was quite the discussion. She revealed family secrets which I knew nothing about. Her dad committed suicide which was a pretty upsetting thing for the family. But she also revealed that my paternal grandfather had committed suicide (something my own dad never ever acknowledged in my iife). She told me some other things as well. But what I found really upsetting is how closely our lives aligned even though we had no contact for most of her lives. Her dad married a total Narcissist; my dad did too. She fought seious depression all her life as have I. And suicide has been a thread that ran through our family. It was quite upsetting.
The second event was fairly recently and has to do with the holidays. My brother who has essentially turned his back on me and my N mom and Co-D sent me an email essentially announcing what the holiday plans are. It is a farce since other than the one holiday a year, our family never is together. I believe my bro chose to deal with the N by cutting his biological family out of his life except when it suited him---like when he needs something or for his daughter. ANyway, in this email, he is unilaterally dictating everything about the holiday and once again totally disregarding me. This really pushes my voiceless buttons. I'm supposed to, as always, go along, cave and compromise but no one else does. It makes me sick and sad. I really want to respond by declining and letting him know that disregarding me is not acceptable and that I will not attend. But it also makes me sad as this will mean I will be alone for the whole holiday.
So, family secrets seem to abound. When I returned from my trip and tried to explain to my N mom how upsetting my visit was because I learned my grandfather had committed suicide....she just dismissed it and told me not to say anything to my father since it would upset him.
On top of all of this, I'm in a really horrible situation at work. I have a total N boss who is so threatened by me that she has worked to completely marginalize me and make sure I no longer have a voice. She also goes behind my back and manipulates my staff to work against me.
So I guess I'm venting a little. It's hard to appreciate the blessings of the season with all this happening around me.....and knowing that nothing can really change it. I feel like a caged animal sometimes.
But I am curious. Does it seem like secrets and Narcissism go hand in hand? It seems like Ns have to qualms whatsoever about keeping secrets they shouldn't.....
